My friend Lisa and I were having a conversation about women paying when they are on a date. Lisa said that when a guy takes her to dinner she will offer to pay the tip, and I told her I usually do the same. Melonie, another girlfriend of mine says that she never pays or offers to pay when a guy takes her out on a date. If I call up a guy and say “Hey let’s go have sushi tonight” then I am the one paying, because I have called and asked him to hang out with me for the evening, and I would expect the same. Some women(and to ladies that are reading I did say SOME) will disagree with me and say that I have lost my mind! Never, ever pay for a date. A woman agreeing to it is like blasphemy to them.
A couple of days ago I went out with a guy and he paid for our dinner, so when we went to the movies I paid for his candy as well as my popcorn. My friend Melonie said that she would have not paid for the stuff at the concession, and I thought to myself why the hell not?
Some women feel the same way my friend does--that the man should always pay on the first couple of dates. Another girlfriend of mine said “After we've gone on a few dates and are moving towards establishing a relationship than I'm perfectly fine with paying the bill a few times or maybe even alternating." I can understand that, but if we went somewhere after dinner, to play some shuffle puck or grab drinks, I’m usually down to buy a round and I think there’s nothing wrong with that.
Personally I feel weird when a guy pays for everything all of the time. Don’t get me wrong I think I’m awesome and should definitely be treated out to a wonderful night, but if I think a guy is just as awesome then I think he should be treated once in a while. My friend Tom says “Definitely offer to pay if you asked the guy out, but if he leaps at the check, let him pay. He added that men still like to feel like men, especially when many of us are making more money than them, and they can find it a little intimidating.
That made me ponder an entire new question that you may find in a later post, but for now I want to know how you guys feel about letting the woman pay when going on a date?
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Comments (24)
I usually still pay for the food and give them back their money when they try to sneak it in. A lot of my friends that are girls try to be sneaky with me when wanting to pay. One girl even hid $10 in the map holder pocket of my car as I dropped her off.
it's been sometime since i was in the 'dating scene' - but it's totally 'hot' for a woman to participate in the fiscal aspects of a relationship.
it says they have a vested interest, and that they care about that interest and are willing to back it up. it says they are independent, that they have a voice, and are willing to express that voice. it says they aren't intimidated or flattered, that they have a mind of their own, and they can use it and are willing to share it. it says they aren't looking for a free ride, that they understand work is a two way street, and that work can be rewarding. it says they don't have any preconceived notions about what you do for a living, that they can be open and understanding. it says equal, all things are equal.
and if you are intimidated by those ideas... you're screwed or a dumb ass or both to begin with.
this guy that i was interested in took me out. the only thing i did was drive to his house. he brought me to a show that he had booked ($10 for admission), took me out to dinner at chili's (?? he didn't even let me see the check), and then took me to the movies (easily around $20-22).. all while driving around town. i felt absolutely terrible, i offered to pay a bunch of times but he refused every time i tried. the next day, he invited me out to drinks with his dad and his brother, where his dad told me to order whatever i wanted and he would pay. i didn't order anything because it was a semi-expensive place and i felt bad ... again.
after that we pretty much split anything if we went out. i don't mind, i actually feel better that way. if a guy truly insists on paying, i insist on leaving a tip and paying for little things (like if we had bought snacks at the movie, i would have paid).
I offer to pay or go dutch... if the guy insists on paying, then by all means.
I offer just in case because I hate that awkward moment when the check comes or we're in line for something. Though call me old fashioned, if you ask me out, you should be paying. So if a guy were to ever TELL me to pay, I'd be turned off. 
If you can't afford to go on a date... why ask someone out someplace where money is needed. If you're broke, do something creative. Probably more romantic than dinner and a movie anyway.
If I'm in a relationship with the guy though, I don't mind paying for some things at all though. But when it's the "impress" stage... come on!!!
I like the stereotypical gentlemen, what can I say.
I'm independent sure... and I may make more money than some guys... but well, what girl doesn't like a guy who can take care of her need be.
my boyfriend paid for everything when we first started dating. now we share though :) i think in the beginning i think the guy should pay for most of it.. idk.. maybe that's shallow or whatever, but its not about money. i have money. its about being taken care of. my man has the notion that men should take care of women. and that's how i like it. he takes care of me financially, and i'll take care of him other ways. such as I clean, make him breakfast, lunch, dinner.. and a few other things! haha overall he pays the bills. i do get the groceries and little things here and there though.
The first few times, he paid, but I barely ate anything (didn't want to look like a cow) but after that, we never kept track.
I thinks it's just reflex but if a guy ever takes me somewhere I always ask for a split check and pay for my own stuff.
Though in general I feel weird when anyone, even a guy taking me out pays for anything.
who asks for the date pays.
If already in a relationship - paying the bill is an offer never fight for it.
Although it's nice for the guy to offer to pay for everything, but I don't let the guy pay for everything on the first few dates because I feel bad and I don't want to feel like I owe him anything. We can split the dinner bill or if he pays for dinner, I'll pay for the movie tickets, snacks or whatnot. But if we're together as boyfriend/girlfriend, the guy can offer and pay for the more expensive things b/c he still wants to feel like he can take care of his gf. However, I would just buy the less expensive things or everyday things that he needs but didn't have a chance/hates to go to pick up at the store like tolietries/clothes.
I honestly feel awkward when people pay for my stuff most of the time. I've never seen a man as someone that needs to support me or take care of me. I'd rather us equally give back and forth because if we don't we start to resent each other. Then again I'm more logical then traditional...
Well, for me it kind of depends on various situations.
For example, my first ex had quite a bit of money due to family help and he was kind of old-fashioned so for the most part I'd let him take the bill (only at his insistence, of course). But then I just recently was dating a boy who didn't have a lot of money, he wasn't so fortunate in the family financial help department, and that's totally something I understood. I expected to pay for my own dinners, and hell, I even would grab his every now and then when he was particularly strapped for cash. That doesn't mean he was a mooch, he still would take me out whenever he got a little extra money, but it just wasn't often.Also, that's just something I wanted to touch on. Why is it okay for the man to buy everything in a relationship, but if a guy did that to a chick he was dating he'd be called a mooch?
My gf bought me dinner last night actually. It was definitely weird since I'm usually the one taking care of the checks.
Very weird..but kinda nice! A lovely gesture I think.
I have found that for me relationships work best when I play the woman's role and he plays the man's, traditional, but it works. He pays for dates (nearly across the board, though if I call him up and say "hey, let's see this movie" I am prepared to pay for a date if I ask HIM out.
I NEVER pay for my own drinks. However, I do contribute to the relationship financially. I often buy the groceries and make him dinner. I surprise him with a six pack or his fave pint of ice cream. Little things like that add up, and are my feminine contributions to the relationship. He likes to take me out, paying for a date feels good to him, and I feel like a princess.
Because he pays, I don't call the shots about where we go and how often. I maintain veto power, but he gets to come up with the plan. He often asks my input, but that is his option.
The few relationships that I had where we opted for financial equality totally tanked. Call me old fashioned, but apparently there are men out there that are as old fashioned as me. They take me out and I show my appreciation in oh so many feminine ways.
The person who asks for the date should pay. And in the beginning, I let the guy do all the asking. It works well since that procedure automatically eliminates men who aren't aggressive, and aggressiveness is a requirement for me. :)
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When I was single and was dating my buddy I'm usually the one footing the bill because he was still in University when I'm already working. No big deal about this honestly. Now that we've parted, I'm married and he's working we either go dutch or he pays once a while when we meet for a drink. Trust me guys, girls don't always expect guys to pay for them.
I would never expect a guy to pay for an entire date. I also work and make a decent living, and I can afford to feed and entertain myself. I once went out with a guy who was truly insulted when I insisted on paying for our movie tickets. He had already paid for our meal, so paying for our movie only seemed fair to me. We didn't go out again after that because I was "too independent" for his tastes. Whatever.
When my boyfriend and I first started going out we alternated who paid for dates. Now we either alternate or split bills down the middle, and there have been times when either of us will pick up the tab while the other tips our server. It just depends on who has more money to spare at the moment.
my ex always used to let me pay, mostly because he didn't have a job. but i'd find him saying, 'oh let's go out to eat' and then i'd have to pay the bill... i don't mind paying sometimes (honestly, if girls are asking for equality we have to have equality in all areas of life!) but it got to the point where i was paying more for him than he was for me. it'd either be me paying for both of us or each of us paying for ourselves. later when i met a new guy we alternated which worked out well. when i went out on first dates with guys i was always ready to pay at least my half but my money was turned down every time. my new boyfriend won't allow me to pay for anything, which is kind of new to me so i'm not sure how to take it gracefully yet. i'm still attempting to work something out with him where i would be allowed to at least treat him every once in awhile. but he is adamant that i don't pay for anything. he says the way he was raised is to always pay for the girl, which is honestly sweet, but i feel awkward not paying at all. i accept it and thank him though, because i'm grateful that he pays for me. :)
I help my boyfriend out. We're poor (individually), and we realize that. In my paying my way to Japan for school (for a ten day trip), he would buy me food. Now that it's two weeks until I leave, I get to help him out. I don't mind. I bug him about it, only in joking. He will usually buy dinners, but if expenses cost more than his paycheck, I help out. It's what love is, helping each other and what not (in my case, anyway). We typically make deals; like if he buys dinner, I'll treat us to ice cream, or pay for the next one.
As a woman, I go by the whole "Whoever asks, pays" but even if I am being asked, I still pay for the tip, dessert, etc. or offer to go Dutch. I mean, it's nice to have a guy pay for things, but it feels really weird for some reason. Like I owe him something.
My boyfriend and I usually go half on everything. At the movies, one pays for the tickets, another pays for the snacks. Or one pays for dinner and another pays for the movie. No argument, debating, asking. I don't even know how that started. I guess it was like an unspoken agreement?
I have to say, I like it when the guy wants to pay for the date. I still offer to pay for my share, or I offer to pay the next date, but when he doesn't at least offer to pay for dinner, I'm a little turned off.
I know it's probably anit-feminist to expect a guy to offer to pay for something I could pay for, but I just like feeling like he values me so much that he would practically make the dinner a gift for me.
When I'm in a relationship, it's different. After the first date or two, I always split. Otherwise it gets too expensive in the long run.
really....
asking if it's okay for girls to pay for stuff sometimes... c'mon. Like I haven't read a blog about this subject like 2 million frickin times.
if i ask a girl out then i automatically feel that i should pay. my pops just raised me to be that way i suppose.
@xplorrn@xanga - basically I feel the guy should pay. It doesnt take many dates to see how connected you both are to each other...and it becomes pretty clear if she is just taking you for a ride...if she is then move on...otherwise take pride in being a provider and treat her to the good time she deserves....you will feel better about yourself too. Dont whine and go sour about it if things dont work out...you can be proud that you did the right thing. Soon enough you will meet your match!