Wednesday, 09 February 2011

• Humor: How To Pick Up Women

  This is a guest post from Just A Guy Thing.
  
  Ok, shy guys, this one’s for you.  We’ve all been bombarded with lists in men’s magazines and web sites telling you how to pick up women using ice breakers, The Game, power plays, and suave lines.  But let’s face it, what works for one guy might not work for another.  Trying to adopt another’s game plan to pick up women is a fool’s errand.  Play to your strengths, not to the strengths of some author or writer, who honestly probably spends more time ogling women from afar rather than actually picking them up. 

  

  My strategy is surefire, adaptable, and guarantees success in picking up the girl of your dreams.  It will work in a dive bar, a club, the farmer’s market, or even a book reading at Barnes & Noble.  This is the equalizer. 

   

  Step 1: Forget what you know.  To thine own self be true.

  You don’t need to allude to your Escalade, your connections at restaurants or your screenplay that’s going to get picked up any day now.  Be yourself.  Adopt an act and you lose your most valuable asset – your confidence.  Love yourself.  Be yourself.  And know that if the girl doesn’t react well to who you are, well then you probably weren’t meant to pick her up.

   

  Step 2: Find your target.

  

  This is where we get in to strategy vs. tactics.  Your best performance in the world won’t work if you’ve picked the wrong person.  You can’t pick up every girl, and if you try, you’ll be caked in a stench of failure that not even the most powerful body spray can mask.  When doing your recon, know your target.  Stay in your league.  Start small to build the confidence.  Once you’ve picked up a few girls, you’ll get the gist, so make sure you know your role.  Find the right girl, then relax.  You’ve just taken a big step towards picking her up.

   

  Step 3: Focus, but don’t overthink.  Find your moment.

  This may be insulting the reader, but timing is vital.  Don’t approach your target while she is engaged in conversation with someone or surrounded by a group.  The task at hand is daunting enough.  Dealing with one person is plenty for now, no need to perform in front of an audience.  If you approach a girl to pick her up while she’s in a group, the upside is the same: you get the girl.  But the downside is far worse: abject embarrassment in front of even more people.  Don’t be a hero.

   

  Step 4: Your approach.

  

  Find a clear line to your target.  Move briskly and deliberately.  Your movements dictate your mindset.  If you hesitate on the approach, you will hesitate during your encounter.  Again, it all comes back to confidence.  Not just the confidence you project, but the confidence in your head necessary to perform.

   

  Step 5: Pick her up!

  Once you approach your target, squat from the knees (not the back) in order to keep your forward momentum.  Staying low is vital as it allows your legs to do the work and keeps your center of gravity contained.  Further, the lower your start, the higher you can finish.  Wrap your dominant arm about six inches above the backs of her knees.  Drive your shoulder (gently!) into her stomach so she naturally doubles over.  Remember the old adage: the iron fist in a velvet glove.  You need to transfer your strength to the lift, while delicately handling your target girl.

  At this point, it’s time to LIFT!  If you’ve done everything correctly, you’re a leg extension away from completing the fireman’s carry.  If you’ve selected your target properly (I told you it would be important), she should be light enough so that you simply stand straight up with the girl hoisted over your shoulder.

   

  Step 6: Hold it!

  You’ve picked her up!  At this point, tastes are subjective, but I suggest holding the pose for a four-count.  You’re not here to show off, you’re here to pick up women.  A four-count is enough time to let the girl know what’s happening, bask in your success, then set her down safely. To set her down, simply undo the pick up steps in reverse order.  Easy enough.

   

  Step 7: Get back to what you were doing.

  

  There is nothing left to do, so get back to your buddies, smile knowingly, and take a long satisfying pull from your drink.  You did it!  Convey your success to your friends and keep the shoulder lose for high-fives.  There will be plenty coming!

   

  Also, keep your eyes open and your head on a swivel for the girl you picked up.  Picking up girls may not be easy, but once you pick her up, you’ll have the perfect ice breaker to talk to her and maybe take her home and have sex!

   

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