Friday, 28 January 2011
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Guys: Is Being "Facebook Official" Important to You?
I wrote a little while back about trusting my new significant other (SO), and I had a lot of questions about how you begin to trust someone enough to really let them in.
Well, dudes, that new SO has become my new boyfriend. He's sweet, charming, and a bit of a wise-crack. Combine that with being ridiculously smart and funny (and really nice on the eyes), and he's basically the full package for me.
Except he's not too technologically hip (aka: he's still got a flip phone), so we're yet to make this new relationship "Facebook official." It's only been three days... but three days? Really? But is being "Facebook official" important?
To me, kinda. To him, probably not so much.
Being the social media/networking/tech-obsessed person that I am, I like to have my life up-to-date according to my Facebook/Twitter/Foursquare/Xanga/LinkedIn accounts. When I get a new job, I post it; when I go to a restaurant, I check-in; when I add a friend on Facebook, I say hi. So when I get into a relationship, I like to have my ducks in a row with that too. But since he asked me out, shouldn't he be doing the adding?
There could be a thousand reasons why he hasn't done it yet, most likely being that it's not important to him. But if that's not the reason, there may be 999 more. Maybe he doesn't want his friends to know before he tells them personally. Maybe he wants to tell his family first before they find out online. Or maybe - and here's The Crazy Girl in me (even though I try to avoid her at all costs) - he's embarrassed and doesn't want people to know.
Now I know that last option is only like .00001% likely to be the reason. But that .00001% still lingers in the back of my mind.
The other reason that it's important to me is because being "Facebook official" offers proof to others. I've told a few people so far about my new relationship, and only one has believed me without a doubt. Others have said, "Well it still says you're single on Facebook, so..." Now it probably wouldn't be a big deal to me if it weren't such a big deal to the rest of the world, but since it is, I can't help but want to see that "In a Relationship" label on my profile.
So guys, what's the deal? Is this dude scamming me, or is it just that being "Facebook official" isn't as important to guys as it is to girls? I would think that he would want the other dudes I'm friends with to know that I'm taken, but if that's not the case, then I wonder what the delay is.
Guys - do you think that being "Facebook official" is important? Why or why not? How long would you be in a relationship with someone before you made it "Facebook official"?
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- From: msenergydrink@healthkicker
- About Me: While I tried to stay in college for as long as I possibly could, I picked up a Psychology minor, forcing myself to learn a little about mental health. What I didn't know was how closely linked mental and physical health, are to each other. Now that I've graduated, I've enjoyed writing about all different aspects of health for Healthkicker. If there's one thing I've learned, it's that there's no way to live healthy unless you're happy, too. I'm hoping to be able to give as much insight as I can, while picking up a few tips from everyone along the way!
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Comments (62)
With my recent ex, we made it fb official on the day we became official (we were together for a month unofficially before we were official) and I sent him the request even though he asked me out, I don't really see a difference in who sends or accepts the request, it's the same result anyways, the relationship status will be displayed. I understand your concern about whether he's trying to keep this relationship underground.. that would seem sketchy to me too. However, keep in mind that this is just online and not real life, as long as you're in a relationship with each other and both of you know it, isn't that what matters? It may be a different story if he tries to hide the fact that he's dating you in real life too.
I'm not a guy, but I don't think being facebook official is all that important. I've been with my boyfriend for almost 4 months now and it's not on facebook, but we both took the 'single' label off so that instead of showing whether or not we're in a relationship and with whom, our relationship statuses just don't appear on our profiles.
We talked about it and both agreed that because we both have so much family on fb, and so many people that we're not really that close with, it wasn't necessary for them to know everything about our lives. Those who know us, know that we are in a relationship; those who we don't talk to regularly probably don't, but why do they need to know? I don't need their approval or knowledge to validate my feelings.
I'm not a guy, but if you've only been dating this guy for three days, you need to relax. Also, if you want something, you're going to have to open your mouth. That goes for wanting your facebook relationship status changed and anything else he isn't picking up on.
When my boyfriend and I started seeing each other he didn't change his relationship status on facebook either.... Why? He didn't know how! LOL Since you mentioned he's behind the times on technology, this could be the reason he hasn't done it either.
My advice : talk to him about it. Communication is the key to any healthy relationship. Maybe it isn't a big deal to him, but if he knew how much it mattered to you, he'd take care of it to make you happy :)
If of course you talk to him and he doesn't respect your feelings, then it could be something alarming... such as being embarassed of being with you. You'll just have to talk to him and see where it goes.. more than likely it's such a tiny problem it can be fixed really easily. Either way, this will give you insight on how he'll be when it comes to handling problems in the future.
If your not comfortable enough to just send him the invite or ask him about it you maybe shouldn't be dating him or worrying if it's serious enough to be 'fb official"
This entire post and subject, is almost as useless as people you haven't spoke to in a coons age, wishing you a happy birthday on your wall...
My SO thinks it's important. We're not dating until he gets out of Kuwait and I finish Basic Training, but he tells me, "I can't wait until we can put it on Facebook!" He doesn't really know how to operate Facebook too well (and isn't on it often) because he's Korean, but he still thinks it's a big deal.
lol I think it's cute. I could care less about what it says on my Facebook. I wish I could just delete the damn thing sometimes.yes. she doesn't do facebook but if she did it would matter to me what she put her status at.
As much as I hate to admit it....yeah. It affects other people's opinions of you, too.
What an absolute loser you are! Just because your life revolves entirely around Facebook doesn't mean everyone is thinking about every detail they post as well. It's really awkward that you are so involved with Facebook. I don't think you realize how little people care if you say hi to a new friend, get a new job, or go to a restaurant..? Seriously, only stalkers would check that information on your profile out..
I would be too embarrassed to leave people all of those notifications.. You need to get a life!
Well......here's my thing. Is it important to you and you ALONE? Could you understand if the shoe was on the other foot with him?
We all have that nagging paranoia of the clingy girl inside us at least once in a while but if you pause to think about it logically.....you'd see that maybe just him and you knowing your together is enough.
That other peoples opinions don't really impact him as much as yours does.
Sit with your thoughts for a while about it....calmly^^
My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 3 months now and we're not Facebook offical. He hardly ever gets on Facebook anyways and the people who are important in our lives know that we're dating. It doesn't bother me.
It has always been important to my bf but for me, not a big deal because it's an online world.
ehh my bf just doesn't have a status up at all whilst I have mine saying 'in a relationship'. Really doesn't matter to me, but if it matters this much to you, by all means bring it up. Simple as that. No point asking mancouch.
@x__mh@xanga - was that necessary?
Meh. I'm not on facebook much anymore, but my boyfriend was the one who wanted to make it "facebook official". I personally didn't give a fuck. lol
in our generation, it kinda sets the "official"ness of your relationship. i'm a teenager.. in high school, so obviously being official on facebook is a huge deal. my bf and i did it the day he asked me out.
I think its important, if someone doesnt wanna make it "Facebook official" it seems like they dont want people to know
@mdongivin - Baha! I'm taking my birthday off FB just to see how many people actually remember it. I'm preparing for disappointment, lol. :]
@kath27@xanga - I haven't had my birthday on FB for years, so no one really does remember it which is fine with me. I do something different though each year to kinda broadcast it without actually doing so. This year for example I deactivate my account for the entirety of my birthday then brought it back the next day.
To the author of this post: no being facebook official is not important to me. You need to get your priorities straight if it's really that big of a deal.
If you want to change your status from "single" to "in a relationship", then do it. You don't HAVE to have it say "in a relationship with ______". Maybe that will encourage him to change his status too.
A social networking site determines if you and your bf are officially in a relationship?@x__mh@xanga - This post has to be a joke, right?
I think it's stupid, which is probably why I don't bother with things like Facebook anymore. Hard to believe that people used to get by without all this stuff. The fact that people actually worry about what some page in cyberspace says about them just goes to show what the future holds for us. After all, if you can't prove your relationship with 1's and 0's then it's not really real is it?
Being facebook official isn't important to me, but it was to my boyfriend and he asked me right after we said we loved each other for the first time if we could be "official" and when I said yes he asked if we could change our status on facebook.
I think part of the reason it was so important to him was because we were dating long distance and he wanted to be sure that other people knew I was spoken for.At first I actually said I didn't want to change my status, but I was thinking about it and changed my mind a few hours later and changed it.Now I'm moving to go live with him, he's asked me what kind of engagement ring I want, and we're planning on spending the rest of our lives together.So even though I think the whole facebook status thing STILL isn't important, I'm pretty sure when we get engaged/married those will definitely be updated on there.
Jesus. You are the very embodiment of nearly 60% of what is wrong with modern society (especially women). Enough said.
All I have to say is that if you talk about it and he DOESN'T want to, he's probably that guy that has lots of girlfriends & making it Facebook official means that he has to settle down with only one vagina & that scares the crap out of him. Which means, he's a douchebag. Which means, run very far away from him!
You know.... Of all things considered, you're only three DAYS in. A silly Facebook status doesn't seem very big in the grand scheme of things.
Personally, I always air on the side of caution. Because I have co-workers (both present as well as past), friends (from jr high all the way to present), family members (my parents to uncles, aunts, and cousins), I pretty much stick to posting favorite quotes or songs, what I'm watching on TV, holidays, and similar stuff. I do have my relationship status listed as single. But that won't change until about 3 or 4 months of dating (if that ever happens) one person. I won't even have it as "in a relationship with....." It'll just say "in a relationship." If that.