Wednesday, 26 January 2011

• An Inconvenient Erection

  
  This post is geared towards the women in the Xanga Universe that do not have the often inconvenient problem of unwanted erections. I say this because if you are a guy, you are already a member of "the struggle." 

  First things first ladies, an erection is NOT, I repeat, is NOT always based off of sexual arousal. A boy can have an erection even in infancy, it's just something that happens biologically. Of course there are plenty of times when it IS based off sexual excitement...but we'll get to that. 

  The most common attack of the boner is when the man is sitting, at rest, for an extended period of time. This happens to a lot of guys on long road trips and classes that last over an hour. Without warning they will suddenly realize that something is lurking in their underwear. And BAM! They now need to rearrange their private parts. In most cases a guy in this situation will do the tuck-up.
  
   

  The tuck-up (a.k.a the pimp tuck) is simple in it's strategy, but amazingly effective. All one does is arrange the member in question so the tip is "pimp tucked" under the elastic of the underwear. And voila! Problem solved. Suprisingly ladies, this strategy makes the man incredibly mobile. He can walk around the room, chat with you, give a presentation and you would never know he has a giant erection! 

  Morning wood is another type of unwanted man lumber. Some say this happens when a guy sleeps on his stomach while others believe it just happens in the morning. Whatever the case may be, the best way to get rid of this, in this writer's opinion, is to pee. That's right, just get out of bed, take a leak and that unwanted erection will vanish in seconds. However, peeing with an erection is not always easy. This website is the kama sutra for how to pee with morning wood.

  The last unwanted boner of the day presents quite the philosophical question: do girls like it when guys get "aroused" while dancing? In the mind of the man, when this happens it is embarrassing (that is, if you aren't very familiar with said dance partner). Because guys think that girls are like, "I barely know this guy and he is poking me in the thigh to this Lil Jon song, this is weird and creepy and gross." 
  
   

  From my research however I have found that most girls actually enjoy this physical arousal from their dance partner. They say it, "Lets me know I am a good dancer!" or, "At least I know he likes me." Whatever the case may be I have found that guys hate it, and girls love it. Interesting paradox.

  The preferred method of dealing with this unwanted dance erection is always the "pimp tuck". But be careful boys, the tuck-up could lead to an exposed penis on the dance floor if you get crazy with those moves. Also, the tuck-up is nearly impossible at a toga party.  

  Any unwanted friends I forgot? And would any of you ladies care to shed light on the dancing question? 

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