Friday, 07 January 2011
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Advice For Women: If You Know You're Going To Get Drunk, Don't Wear High Heels
This is a guest post from our friend Neil at Bottom of the Swamp.Here’s a little something for the ladies (oh yeah!). Some advice, from little old me from the swamp:
If you know you’re going to get drunk, don’t wear high heels.
Very simple. Just don’t do it. Don’t do it. You know why? Because you’re not going to be able to walk in them when you’re drunk and you’re either going to take them off and be barefoot or fall down a whole lot.
Frankly, I don’t know how you walk in them to begin with. They seem highly uncomfortable. But that’s your choice. Whatever. Just avoid them when you know you’re going to be drunk.
The only people who should be wearing high heels when they’re drunk are strippers and hookers. They’re professionals.
I work at a bar that happens to be on a street with a lot of other bars and there’s no way all the women hobbling and wobbling in their heels, walking barefoot, or piggybacking on their fella had no idea they were getting drunk.
What’s worse is that the club next door is up a giant flight of stairs so women have to try to drunkenly maneuver down the staircase in heels. This does not work very well.
And barefoot is a bad decision. Especially on event nights. Like oh say New Year’s Eve which just passed. If you go out to a bar or club on New Year’s Eve, you are getting drunk. What’s more is that several glasses are guaranteed to break at the establishment where you are getting drunk. So you’ll be drunk in a dark room filled with broken glass.
I’ve seen it happen every single event night. Just don’t do it. You can save yourself so much trouble just by not wearing heels.
I just don’t get it.
And don’t say the heels are for guys. They’re not. No guy cares about what you’re wearing, especially on your feet. You could be wearing a burlap sack and no guy will care. All guys care about is if you agree to go home with him.
Women dress up for other women. Women where heels even when they know they’re going to have to take them off just to walk home and likely cut their feet up because they want other women to say, “cute shoes” to them.
The number one denial of this is probably “Nooooooooo I do this for myself. I like to look pretty for myself.” Which is somewhat valid because it’s true in at least some of the cases and likely partially true in most, but probably about half the women who say this are somewhat lying. And even if that is the reason, I think it doesn’t say something so great about you that you’d forgo the ability to walk and/or the ability to walk around without cutting yourself on broken glass so you can feel pretty about your feet. Just sayin.
Point is, ladies, please don’t wear high heels when you know you’re going to get drunk. It’s not a pretty sight.
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About the Author
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- From: bottomoftheswamp
- Name: bottomoftheswamp
- Location: Washington D.C., District of Columbia, United States
- About Me: So here's the deal, I used to run this shit (by this shit, I mean Mancouch), but now I don't. So, now I have my own blog filled with silliness, weirdness, RAGE, music, and a general sense of discontent with the human condition. Hopefully, you enjoy, but if not, whatever.
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Comments (42)
i ALWAYS put ballet flats in my bag. You can fold them up to be fairly small, and it means you don't have to wear your heels or go barefoot!
much better, because the nights you are out to get drunk end up being more sober than the ones where you accidently end up drinking a bit much.I agree. I use to work in this night club and we had a big set of stairs as well, and I've had some great laughs watching women fall down the stairs.
Welcome back, Neil! We missed you around these parts.
I'm a normal drunk. My brain has a lot of safety checks in it from being crazy.
If I was allowed to do anything, I'd make bar heels where you could unscrew the bottom and put other sizes on. I see why they want to wear heels. Nobody would buy them because it's trashy, but hey.
I'd say to bring an extra set of shoes in your purse. I don't know though, some people want to look stupid drunk.
Ummmm thanks, but no thanks. I can handle my own fashion choices, thank you very much. Clearly these girls want to suffer in the name of fashion/attractiveness.
agreed. high heels look so good though....
Oddly enough, I walk better in my heels when I'm drunk then when I'm sober. I've drunkenly fallen while wearing sneakers, but never when wearing heels.
Agreed. But I will say this, men love high heels, so we're not just dressing up for other women.
I gotta admit-high heels are sexy.
@dragon_king@xanga - So is that inevitable cast from falling down and breaking something ;)
True!! At my job, I work Friday nights at the grocery store on campus, I see a girl(DRUNK!!) trip and fall every shift!!
High heels and badly paved Scottish rural roads are the ex-bane of my life. This is why I converted to para boots. Being drunk has never been easier. Also, if a fight kicks off, nobody argues with steel toecaps. Nobody.
I never understood why women wear heels in the first place. They're hard to walk in and they look dreadful...But then if all the other women out there are looking ridiculous, maybe for once I can look hot in comparison. :P
I don't think I look good drunk to begin with. (:
Why, it's so funny!
Men love a woman in heels. And women feel sexy when they wear them. Just like wearing a thong.
I've done the drunk heels thing. Never fell because of my shoes, it was because there was a sudden drop in the ground...something called a sidewalk that would abruptly end and a street was there to replace it 3 inches farther down.
I actually enjoyed getting toasted and stepping off a bar stool in my stripper-esque shoes. It was the best way to measure exaclty how drunk I was. 1. walking alright = not drunk enough 2. Wobbling but making it = just right but not gonna drive 3. Knees giving out = up for anything as long as I had a ride
I wore six inch heels the night I was the drunkest I've ever been. It was fine. I mean I was staggering, I stagger no matter the shoes. but I didn't stumble or trip. I was really surprised that I kept on those heels for 4 hours.
hmm..most of my male friends do think high heels are sexy. so true, they are no good if you got drunk. Might be just need a partner to give you a hand. :)
I can walk like a pro in heels when I'm drunk, actually. :)
HAHA... living in a college town for four years will give you laughs like this on a nightly basis. My fiance and I love to point these girls out.
BUT.... I love heels. And I know a lot of guys who do too. The reality is they make legs look hot. Why? Because you are actively engaging your leg muscles to walk, or even to stand in them. It's like doing a constant calf raise and flexing to tone up your lower body just a bit.... plus they make your legs look longer. These two things definitely make a lot of difference in appearance that I'm sure men notice, even if they don't know it's from the heels.
Just practice safe walking. Don't drink and stiletto.
I am actually really really good at walking in heels when im extremely drunk. The issues for me is that I cannot just stand there unless im leaning on something.
Haha good advice. :)
Hm, how about the women who wear the heels because it makes them look slimmer for the guys? Would that count as "wearing heels for guys"?
I wear heels most days so I am a little better at walking in them. Even when drunk I can wear my 5-inchers. They are actually great because they force you to stop drinking before you get to that point where you are unable to walk and much too wasted. While I do agree that men don't care anywhere near as much as we do about shoes and things, men DO love heels. At least most of them. Not all the time but a man can appreciate how good a pair of heels make a woman look.