Wednesday, 10 November 2010

• Top Ten Celebrities I Would Want to Drink With

  

  This is a guest post from Waltsense.

   

  Good morning peeps and peepettes!  There are a ton of celebrities out there who are essentially famous just for the fact that they can party (Hello Lindsay Lohan!)

  This idea goes back a while.  At my old job we had this team building event.  Everyone sat in this conference room.  There were 30 employees so everyone from the administrative assistants to the partners were present.

  We had to write down one persons’ name who we would want to meet (living or dead) and fold the paper up like a secret ballet.  I assumed we would have to give an explanation as to why we chose this person – boy was I wrong. 

  What had actually happened was we had to pass our piece of paper to the person sitting to our left and THEY had to explain why they would want to meet that person.  The worst part was that you were not able to open the paper up until it got to you.  So you were surprised to the selection like everyone else and you had to think on your feet as to why you would want to meet that person. 

  I sat next to one of the partners and I am going to put this as mildly as possible – she was a dork.  I loved her but she had zero social skills.  We essentially had nothing in common.

  There is a reason I am telling you this. 

  We went around the room and the normal suspects popped up – Bill Clinton, Albert Einstein, JFK, Ghandi and Martin Luther King, which are all fantastic choices. 

  As we went around the room, I got more and more nervous.  The explanations were obvious for each of these individuals. 

  My stomach starting turning and gas was forming at an alarming rate.   We were getting closer to dorky partners turn.  She seemed pretty confident as to me making a normal selection.

  I went and I don’t even remember who the person selected and I mumbled through my explanation as to why I would want to meet them. 

  Then it was my partners turn, she opened up the piece of paper and squinted her eyes and simple asked; “who is Snoop Doggy Dog?”

  That was my answer and I think the choice is obvious.  He would be one person I would love to party with.  Only that was not the object of the exercise. 

  My partner didn’t explain why she would want to meet Snoop Dog, everyone just giggled.  She simply just said “I would want to meet Snoop Dog to find out why Walt wants to meet Snoop Dog.”

  That was a simple answer. 

  So I have compiled a list of ten celebrities that I would want to party with and as a bonus I would throw in what would be our drink of choice for that evening of partying:

  10) Chris Rock

   

  I think we would have to go back to the basics and just drink a crap load of Old English forties.  As the famous George Bennett once said “I just drank four tooties.”  Translation – He drank two forties.  Chris Rock is my favorite standup comedian and I think it would be hysterical to get a chance to hang out with him. 

   

  9) Lindsay Lohan

  
  

   

  I think we would have to go with the hard stuff to keep her occupied so I would probably select Wild Turkey.  I think that sums her up quite well actually.  Listen, I know this is an odd choice but Lindsay seems to really know what she is doing.  I think she has been in rehab like 48 times already and she isn’t even 25 yet.  Her best drinking years are ahead of her.  I can see her in some dive bar in ten years with bright red lipstick smeared all over her face discussing her glory years as she spends her last food stamps on a six pack of Pabst Blue Ribbon. 

   

  8) Jennifer Aniston

  Friends + Office Space = Hot Chick

  We would have to drink a box of wine while eating Bon-Bon’s and talking about her fake relationship problems that keep her in the spotlight even though she is a terrible train wreck of an actress.  Honestly,  has anyone watched one good movie in her career besides Office Space? 

   

  7) Randy Quaid

  
  

   

  We would have to drink a Canadian beer like Moosehead or Molson.   Chances are we would be drinking outside considering he doesn’t own a house.  So we would need a trash can and a duraflame log.  It would be reminiscing about high school.  Maybe we could get a beer funnel too. 

  6) Paris Hilton

  
  

   

  I hate her as much as anyone else, but this girl can clearly party.  I would think she would be willing to drink anything to get wrecked, so we would have to drink it up Russian style and drink all of her perfume – just to see how wrecked we can get. 

   

  5) Stephen Hawking

  Stephen William Hawking, CH, CBE, FRS, FRSA, Playa

  Do I need to explain this one?  Okay I will.  There are two reason:  1) I wonder if he computer generated voice would start to slur its words (or maybe he would start typing in gibberish which would be hysterical) and 2) I want to ask him the following “If you are so smart then why can’t you tell me what I am thinking right now?”  And what I would be thinking would be number 1 – are you going to start slurring your computer generated words.  “Control, Alt, Delete, Control, Alt, Delete!”  I have to assume that our drink would have to be something you could drink out of a straw.  I think a frozen margarita sounds about right.  That way after we can get wrecked I would make him wear a sombrero.  Can you imagine Stephen freaking Hawkin in a sombrero? 

   

  4) Verne Troyer

  
  

   

  We would have to drink nip bottles of beer.  You know the tiny little beers that are like 6 ounces.  Verne’s hands would look HUGE with the nip bottle in his hand.  It would make it easier for him to drink as well as I carried him around in a back pack from bar to bar.

   

  3) Chewbacca

  
  

   

  It would have to be a nice bottle of Chianti.  I would make him part his hair down the middle as we discussed the tension in the Middle East and our solutions.  I would also try and get him to give me some dirt on Han Solo and get his thoughts on Luke Skywalker kisses his sister.  We would have a lot to talk about, me and Chewbacca. 

   

  2) Snoop Dog

  

   

  Gin and Juice and about 17 packs of Philly Blunts.  Enough said.

   

  1) Charlie Sheen

  

   

  I really thought it would be impossible to knock Snoop Dog from the top of my list but Charlie Sheen has done the unthinkable.  He is the number one person I would want to drink with.  I would definitely have to stay sober so I could marvel and adequately capture his skills of ruining his life.  He is really, really talented.  We would probably start off drinking Vodka mixed with Stripper Hand and Body Lotion.  It only makes sense.  Then Charlie would be allowed to go crazy!  

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