Thursday, 19 August 2010
I hate shaving as much as I hate taxes. Shaving on a daily basis grates my face like Parmigiano cheese. But I never grow a full beard.
Scruffy is where I draw my line in the sink.
Some men look great with a beard, but I look like a goon. I don't have the bone structure for a mane. And there is another reason why I can't stand a full beard on my face. I'll give you a hint: Can Napkins really wipe away the smell of maple syrup from my facial hair?
Yes, I am afraid my beard will smell like my armpits, mostly because I have no idea or desire to understand the art of the upkeep for a full beard. Of course, my ignorance is showing. Perhaps some hippies could enlighten me, but I'm still hesitant to grow one.
As a general rule, if I can easily taste my facial hair by sticking out my tongue I know its time to shave. Recently, I was really lazy and went almost two weeks without the razor. On this particular day, I ate pasta and tomato sauce for dinner with my family. Three hours later when I was playing video games, I started licking my chops after I earned AC130 air support. In that moment, I realized that I could still taste meatball on the few whiskers that grew long enough to lie on my top lip!!!
I fell into a rage, started cursing and died four times in a row from sniper fire. PWNED. Obviously, I'm an amateur and probably lacking some manly testosterone when it comes to beards. Not that I'm a skilled Casanova, but I never know if girls like a full beard, some scruffed shadows, or a clean and smooth baby face. I think most girls either hate it or love it, but I'm no expert.
Back in the 80's, when Don Johnson played Sonny Crocket in the hit show Miami Vice, the 5 o'clock shadow swept across America like wildfire. It became so popular, like Jennifer Aniston's Rachel haircut, that some companies began selling the Miami Device, which was basically a crappy electric razor that only cut away a little facial hair leaving the man with a shadow...which I think is awesome!
Anyway, I want to hear from you guys (and ladies, of course) about your thoughts on full-fledged beards, peach fuzz, clean baby faces and shadows. Are they ancient history or sexy sexy?
And for what it's worth, Kesha said she likes beards, too.
What do you think about facial hair on guys?