Wednesday, 18 August 2010

• Forget Viagara and Get Yourself Monkey Testicles

  

  Apparently, this was all the craze among some wealthy French men suffering from impotence in the early 20th century. And I'm not talking about eating the male organs of our evolutionary cousins. I am talking about testicle transplants. Got to love the French!

  According to the IISH, a French doctor, Serge Voronoff first performed the surgery in 1920. And by 1930 about 500 French men, ooh la la, walked around with about 1,000 monkey balls between the lot of them. Voronoff believed that he could slow the aging process in men and cure impotence.

  As you can imagine, his patients still had trouble performing. If by some chance their wives got pregnant...well, it was probably the milkman or the butler who did the deed.

  These operations caused a stir in Europe, as well as America. This was a time when Darwin's theories were still a hot topic, which may have led some people believed that the women, who slept with the men who had the monkey testes, would spawn half-man half-monkey little babies and they would take over the world! Well, not exactly. But a fear of evolution going completely bonkers was a real issue for some.

  It still disgusts me that a women would sleep with a man who went under the knife for this.

  To me, this is bestiality. And I hate bestiality.

  John R. Brinkley, an American, also became infamous for using goat testicles. He started a few years earlier in 1917, with his first goat-man operation. But Brinkley was a qwack, and a marketing genius, who could sell death to people and they would pay. He purchased a medical diploma, never went to a real med school. What's most shocking is that his first patient got his wife pregnant! But don't worry, he only injected the man with a bit of goat and left the man's testicles in tact.

  According to another source, a few doctors, the only ones using their brains instead of their balls, agreed that there were some serious ethical concerns with Voronoff chopping up their fellow Man's scrotum, removing the balls and replacing them with even smaller balls--balls that belonged to a different species.

  Voronoff even had a monkey warehouse on the French Riviera. And I thought the Pigeon Lady from Home Alone 2: Lost in New York was weird...

  Under pressure form the medical community, Voronoff was forced to stop. Thank you, Lord.

  We men owe a lot to those doctors who convinced him to stop his butchery of gonads, because he would have continued to swap our nuts for monkey baby makers until the day he died.

  How far would you go to get your MOJO back?
  

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