Sunday, 15 August 2010
This is a guest post from Bottom Of The Swamp.
Ok, so I’m pretty sure Tevas is a brand name, but I don’t really give a shit. I mean a certain type of sandal. You know the one. You just can’t wear them without looking douchey.
Lots of people have remarked on the inexplicable socks with sandals look just being lame and making you look like a lame-o. But even without the socks you just kind of look lame if the sandals in question are Tevas. And what exactly is the purpose of Tevas anyway? Who are the people buying these things?
Middle aged dorky suburban white people, that’s who. The type of people who wear fanny packs. And if you are not one of those people (or belong to them in the case of children, I don’t intend to blame children for the disasters visited upon them by their parents) and you’re buying Tevas, just recognize who you’re associating yourself with when you wear them.
As for their actual purpose? I don’t get it. As stated above they are the fanny pack of the foot world, but even fanny packs have greater purpose than Tevas. Fanny packs hold things. Sure for a female the purpose is negated by a purse or the male by a backpack or satchel, but there’s still a purpose. What do Tevas do?
Has anyone actually ever muttered, “It’s hot out, so I don’t want to wear sneakers, but flip flops don’t give me enough support?” Tevas are for the indecisive. Either you need the protection of a sneaker or shoe, or you need the relief from the heat of a flip flop. Tevas give you some relief from the heat, but cover your feet in straps and some support, but no protection from say glass on the ground on a city street. Tevas are for tourists.
I wonder if there’s a correlation between Tevas and fanny packs. I bet there is. Next time you see someone with a fanny pack check their feet. I bet I know what they’ll be wearing! And they’ll probably be doing that duck waddle walk thing people in Tevas tend to do.
I’m not exactly Mr. Fashion here, but there are things that are just too ridiculously lame and must be ridiculed. Like Tevas or Crocs or Axe products of any sort. When I see Tevas, I mock and I ridicule and you should too. Maybe we can erase this blight from the planet.