Pre-ordering tickets for this movie gave me a woody. Luckily I had hours to try and get rid of it until it started. My friends and I go in, buy popcorn, find great seats and start watching previews. I still have a woody. Then the projector fails and the waiting game begins.
After twenty minutes a scrawny guy comes in from the back of the theater and says, “Don’t worry, technical difficulties, we will be screening the movie in the next few minutes.” How could you not believe this guy? So another twenty minutes pass. Meanwhile, the audience has gone passed restless and half of them are singing Bohemian Rhapsody, while the other half are complaining about it and throwing food at said harmonizers.
Here comes scrawny guy again: “We will be moving to theater nine where there are no technical difficulties.” It is now 1245; I have a commute to wake up for in five and a half hours. Move on over to nine. They put the previews back on. Why? Someone upstairs finally comes to their senses and puts the movie on… Twenty minutes into it! People start leaving, commotion commotion. They fix the issue, but it is now 115. No sleep for the wicked.
Then, after all this the movie was horrible. It was like Snakes on a Plane all over again. It really did suck.
Okay, I knew it was going to suck, but this? This was absolutely atrocious. It contained some of the worst dialogue, worst storyline and most pointless characters I’ve seen in a long time, and my major in college was shitty action movies. All the while the audience is cheering and clamoring for more gore and pointless violence.
Why does it always suck when I see the premier? I am never going to one again.
It seemed obvious that each of the “big name” actors came individually to records their parts because there are only a few scenes were they are all together.
All the acting seemed so forced, like they were all trying to share the spotlight equally, like gentlemen. Most of the dialogues are one-on-ones with Barney “the Schizo” Ross, played by an extremely steroid addled Stallone. They never really talk amongst themselves, which is a shame because that would have added better, more flowing dialogue.
But the action had to be awesome right? WRONG. Whatever CGI effect they used for the blood and gore looked cheesy and cartoony. It was much like the one in the new Rambo, but so much more over the top. Of course there were scenes that made you say, “Damn!” But, there is not enough to make the movie worth a second (or first if you haven’t done it yet) watch.
Thursday night was one of the worst movie experiences of my life. The annoying audience, the hour long postponing and the shitty shitty movie caused my hopes and woody to come crashing down.
What did you think of The Expendables?
Recommend
Comments (28)
As my husband put it, as well as a guy from the spoony expirement, it would have been better if they just played themselves and someone was like, jet li- stop being short and open some whoop ass, or stallone - stop recreating rambo!
I did find the governator's part funny though.
I can't say I'm surprised...
@llunachick2319@xanga - me either..
This movie was amazing. The point of it was to see limbs flying, retardedly (yes, retardedly) unreal explosions, and muscle fighting muscle. To expect a good coherent storyline would be like going to a Twilight movie and expecting deep philosophical epiphanies.
It was meant to be terrible. It was an homage to the type of cheesy-action movies that made a lot of those guys famous!
@FOXHOUND_HQ@xanga - I can see that. And in that case, the movie could be awesome. But I already knew it would be a flop. You could kinda just...tell, ya know?
@ChaoyD@xanga - This guy. This guy speaks the truth.
@ChaoyD@xanga - Agreed, both my husband and I loved it. lol.
If you didn't like rambo then why go see this, it was common sense it was going to be very similar. The only thing I would have changed was the shaky-trying to make you feel like you are part of the action camera shots. But then again I am hard pressed to find a movie I don't like as long as it isn't Twilight or Napoleon Dynamite.
I've been excited to see this movie for like a month, after reading this though I just feel very sad :(
I'll probably still watch it though. But I'll be sad whilst doing so.
@Darla@lovelyish - I agree. On the fight scenes, I would prefer to see Jet Li breaking all kinds of bones, not get motion sickness or confusion.
All I know is that I just want a shotgun so OP'd that it can make a cemented tower explode into pieces with just one shot.
I thought it was fine (just saw it four hrs ago haha). My dad thought there was too much action though. I thought the humor was good too. The only thing I didn't like was that everything went too fast and although I do love Jet Li...I could not understand a word he said :/ haha
@NoHeroesForTomorrow@xanga - This! The AA-12 vs Concrete Tower was the best part in the unrealistic explosions department. The story is entirely devoid of any sort of comprehensible storyline and almost every scene where dialogue is the focal point fails miserably but the action parts were enjoyable to watch.
I saw it opening night as well (my boyfriend made me even though I was dying to see Eat Pray Love haha) and I thought it was pretty good despite the cheesy effects and lines. There were some really funny parts that had the whole audience laughing. Jet Li was definitely my favorite in the movie, he was hilarious. I thought that the action was pretty decent as well!
it was a great movie and boy was bruce willis good looking in that movie.
The movie sucked. They were all old men trying to re-live their past fame, and the funny thing is there's no plot, the story doesn't make sense. The dialogue is boring, bullshit and meaningless. The extreme actions/fighting/violence doesn't make sense. It seems more they're just trying to show off their physical capacity. And every aspect was bad.
This movie was supposed to "suck." It was supposed to be gratuitous violence and muscle for the sake of gratuitous violence and muscle. It wasn't supposed to have a thrilling plot, it wasn't supposed to have great acting, and it wasn't supposed to be full of well-spoken dialogue.
What's with people expecting every movie these days to be Oscar-caliber? I like intelligent films with plot and good acting too, but not everything you watch has to be that way.
@din02243158@xanga - I hate old men.
AA-12
Good to know all this. I don't mind coming in KNOWING it's going to be bad.
I'd rather have my hopes stamped down from the get go.
I think you are missing the point.
You watch Snakes on a Plane knowing that it's a movie that's about Snakes on a Plane with a dull storyline.
Similarly for The Expendables, you'd go watching it expecting big names and just action, gore and perhaps pointless action.
Like Avatar - everyone knows it's Pocahontas with nice graphics/effects.
LOLOL it was the worst movie I ever saw but I loved it because of all of the call of duty references I was able to make ;D For example, the guy with the noob tube, the C4 (that's what I do ;D), and the guy with the knives (he totally had commando on). The story was absolutely horrible, but I pretty much wanna marry the guy who stabs everyone. A lot of the throwing knife kills were awesome. The action wasn't bad in my opinion, but I honestly wasn't even following the gay story. MY FAVORITE PART - "He wants to be president."
lol you went to the expendables expecting story and not "gore and pointless violence?" are you required to wear a helmet in your daily activities?
Wait, why were you expecting a good story line? The movie was about pointless fighting, explosions and action.
Sucks that you had to sit through a shitty audience and having the movie postpone, but these guys are about extreme action and I expected nothing less.
If you wanna see something with a storyline, you can make your way to Twilight or something.
As a fan of mindless, action films, I fucking agree entirely with your post. Â The problem with Sylverster Stallone is that all he did was make an 80s action film, and that's it. Â In theory it sounds appealing, but there's a reason why 80s action stars have gone the way of the dodo. Â
What Stallone should have done is applied elements of the 80s action genre to the modern action film (much in the same way Tarantino did with Jackie Brown) or have played it completely tongue in cheek (like Michael Jai White did with Black Dynamite). Â But he didn't, and the movie suffered because of this.Â
Unless you're easily amused, The Expendables does nothing better than the films that came better. Â Seriously why not just watch Rambo or Die Hard than this mediocre film?