Before I answer this question, or at least give you all my answer, let me contemplate what being a daddy might really mean. I have no children but I do have eyes and some empathy inside of me.
Sometimes my eyes widen joyfully when I see father stand up in the subway for his wife and child. Sometimes they scowl when I see those poor inner city fatherless boys whose only role models are rappers like Lil' Wayne telling women (or young ghetto girls) to, "Shut up, Bitch! Swallow!"
Before anything, before a job, before money in the bank, before a minivan and baseballs, a daddy needs Responsibility. This means keeping your dick shackled behind your zipper if you are unwilling to take care of a child and the mother you knock-up. This also means that alcohol or wide nights at a frat party are no excuses for buns in the oven.
As a general rule: Love for baby starts with love for mommy, not lust for boobies.I hate hearing B.S. when a guy says, "I'm a man. I need sex." That may be, but the world doesn't need YOU, especially if your dick will only ever give the world and your offspring orphan-hood and a desire to be loved.
For the sake of brevity, let's assume that boy meets girl and they marry. Then boy and girl have a baby. That child deserves a father who is faithful to his or her mommy! The divorce rate in the Western world is hovering around 50%. This is relevant in my blog because divorce only leads to more divorces. You can check the numbers and studies that show an increased rate of divorce among children who have divorced or separated parents.
But the worst thing about a adulterous father (or mother) whose actions lead to a divorce is this:
you told the child that one half of him or her wasn't worth your commitment, wasn't worth your love.This leads me to another point, that daddies need to be
present. I hate when I hear that some idiot feels entitled to go on a corporate outing on the weekends instead of kicking a soccer ball in the park with his children. Sitting on the bleachers with an iPhone to your ear does not mean you saw your kid hit that home-run. Sitting on the couch while your daughter reads to herself is blasphemy.
Daddies have to change diapers, kiss their kids' belly buttons, rub their pregnant wife's feet and cut the crust off of peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. He can't do this if he's not there.
A trip to Vegas with the boys (by boys I mean college buddies, not sons) is bullshit. I am making a final ruling on that! However, a trip with the wife to Maine for a weekend, repeat with the wife, is good for the children. Mommy and daddy do need sexy-time.
Let me reiterate.
The only vacation a Daddy should be allowed by the church and the state is a voyage with his family or with his wife. I think the last thing a daddy needs is the Desire to be a father. When he wakes up he needs to have a reason to put his feet on the cold floor, for his family. At times, the money will be short and the job awful but a father has something a bachelor doesn't necessarily have.
So do I see men who want to be a daddy? Or just father's who want to fornicate?
I don't see enough men, or college students, or young professionals who want to be Daddies. Too many want to drink on a Friday night, not snuggle up and watch The Lion King. Too many want to sleep late on Saturday morning, not wake up and crack eggs for a hungry child. Too many want to spend three days online for iPads.
I can't speak for every man but I can say this. There has always been a shortage of children who long to say the word "Daddy!"
What do you think Mancouch? Are there enough men who really want to be a daddy?
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Comments (98)
first I think you mean sympathy not empathy since you said yourself that you have no kids.
second, having kids does depend on male and female so as a matter of fact the world does need men to have kids.
third, it frustrates me when people use the statistic "50% of all marriages end in divorce," because when you really think about it, the other 50% end in death. yes there are other circumstances but divorce is essentially the split up of a marriage other than death - the reasons for divorce are not different aspects to the end of marriages.
fourth, a lot of criticisms and few, if any, solutions.
Just one opinion of a man who just happens to not be a dad...
Why would ANYONE want to be a dad after reading that -_- ?
I understand what you're saying, really I do, but I think that a lot of guys, if responsible enough, leave the nights out with friends to a minimum after children are born anyway. Of course they're not going to stay home and watch Lion King before they have kids- why would they need to? That doesn't make them irresponsible future parents. But in the end, what got to me the most about your post was that you're kinda generalizing all men here, and that's really not fair. You have nesters and free spirits, the responsible and the irresponsible, but those groups are independent of each other. Do not lump men together like that, there are plenty of good men in the world.
well written .......... after watching "Teen Moms" and the shit they have to go through alone everyday I have to agree greatly
It can also depend on where the guys are from in the world. Some of the Croatian guys I know -- immigrants -- are into having families and being daddies. Even if they are hot and can get a lot of girls, they still want a family. And yes, certain rappers on what they say about women are bad role models for young boys, especially when they grow up without a daddy. Good post.
This post was so stupid. You're basically saying that just because someone is a father, they have to stick with the baby mamma even if he doesn't love her anymore, & that he can't have ANY fun with friends. Immature.
Spoken like a person that doesn't have kids. Unrealistic my friend, that sounds
idealistic. If father hood means giving up any you time for the rest of your
life, who would sign up for a prison sentence like that. Both parents and the
kid eventually need time apart, trust me it's called recharging.
This post was grossly inaccurate. The concept that a father has only ONE responsibility in their life (the child and mother of child) is simply a utopian concept of what fatherhood actually is. A father is one who has sired a child, provides for that child. A husband is one that loves and supports his wife. I wouldn't want to be my wife's "daddy" because that just introduces some disturbing Freudian issues that I'm not interested in getting into.
In the end, this is simply a unrealistic expectation of men. It won't happen.
I'll just stick to being a good man, and hopefully someday an even better husband and father. Not a Stepford Dad.
I actually like this. I don't think it should be taken to heart 100% of the time. But these are definate guidelines that should be happening. I wonder if my SO would agree with me... I mean yeah I could understand if he wants to go "help his friend move in" or "go hang out with the guys" but his duties and responsibilities, IF HE LOVES HIS FAMILY, are at the home. Not with his friends. Sure they play a minor role and may be very important during those "Tough times that everyone has" but other than that, if I was a woman popping out a kid soon with the man I loved, he better fucking be there. Sorry if I have standards and don't want to end up as a statistic. I'm a very independant woman but that doesn't mean I take care of the kids while he goes out all the time. Just. Not. Happening!
@pholowme@xanga - well said. I consider myself a good "daddy". Using the examples in the original post, yes, I read to my daughter, I take her to the park, I cut the crust off her sandwiches, etc.. She and my wife are the main motivation behind everything I do, be it working extra hours to better provide for them or even losing work hours to make sure I can attend school functions with them. That said, everyone needs a little time apart to recharge and have a little "me time" or for the husband and wife to have a little "alone time." It's essential to maintain that happy balance in any relationship, and only a person without a wife and children would think otherwise.
i wanna be a father one day
Lol, well of course college guys don't want to be daddies. I'm in college and I sure as heck don't want to be a mommy yet. For a long long long time, maybe never, who knows.
@Autumnxx3@xanga - Sorry, but once you have a kid, you need to be a man. Not a boy that needs to hang with his buds. I may not want kids, but If I wind up having them I know I can't do the same things I'm doing now.
Men like this don't exist anymore. I know, I've looked, as have all of my girlfriends. If they did exist, 50% of marriages wouldn't end in divorce.
The first commentor has some issues, lol, reading his ridiculous comment made me laugh.
@HollowTendencies@xanga - I think the post was more aimed at adults, not people still in college. The title says "men" not "boys".
I think that sentiment-wise, this was a very adorable post. I do agreee that when a father has children, those children should be his priority.
However, I do believe in the "trip to Vegas with the boys"(for both mom and dad.). Every now and then, parents need some kind of break, and as long as they remain responsible (making sure the kids are with someone who they can trust, make a phone call home every so often), it's their right.
Also, I'm in college, and none of the guys are thinking about babies. By the way, neither am I XD We're just not at the age to be thinking about kids yet.
Some of us do--just not yet. Once I am able to take that responsibility on, I want to do all of the things you described. The only thing I would disagree with is the whole hanging out with the boys thing. I don't see a problem with hanging out with old friends as a dad. Fathers need time to unwind, to be with other men. I don't see a problem with going out and having a few drinks with your buddies. It doesn't have to lead to cheating or inappropriate behavior. I think you might have been projecting a bad experience you or someone you know had with their father. Otherwise, I totally agree.
@Mrs_Jack_Daniels@xanga - I disagree
This is crap. I would agree with you that there are a large number of men with children who fail at being fathers, but this is basically a Draconian list that says "To be a good father, you have to give up every semblance of yourself and become a slave to your family." Plus it takes two to tango; a woman isn't somehow automatically a better parent just because she gave birth to the kid(s) and I've seen just as many deadbeat moms as deadbeat dads. The only difference is that deadbeat moms can't simply run off and bail on their kids unless they're cold heartless bitches.
Women are going to come on this post and comment that it's "cute" or use it as an excuse to let out their bitter anti-male feelings. But I guarantee that you just made an entire group of men look at the prospect of fatherhood and blanch inside. Which might have been your point. Who knows.
I don't want to be a daddy. there are a lot of daddies/sperm donors out there. I want to be a father. I'm sure you realize what the difference is. But probably not, since you wrote this.
Something else: Men lok down upon fatherhood mainly because of the mothers involved. Also, there is attention deferred all to the woman when she becomes pregnant. when the baby arrives, then the attention is all on the baby. Men get absolutely no attention except negative when he isn't around to take care of his kid. Not saying that men want pats on the head or cookies for doing what they're supposed to do, but how many fucking males do you see who are willing to man up these days?
@dejasenti@xanga - Disagree all you want, it doesn't change anything.
@SlackerSociety@xanga - I totally agree with you 100%. I bet a lot of men feel like you, they aren't getting any attention, they don't see anything in it for them, so they could care less. Couldn't have summed it up any better myself.
This reminds me of a conversation I had with my parents. As a note, my mother grew up without a father. They rarely, if ever, spoke. I have never met him.
Mom: I need to send my dad a father's day card.Me: Not really.Mom: But he's my dad.Me: No, he's not. He was a sperm donor. Dad: Amen.
@Mrs_Jack_Daniels@xanga - Not looking for an argument, but I will say that your--and your girlfriends'--romantic lives are not a means through which to make an accurate assumption about men. The divorce statistic implies that since 50% of marriages end in divorce, the other 50% must not. Therefore 50% of mean are good husbands and fathers. Of course I'm taking the statistic out of context as you did.
Like I said, I'm not looking for an argument. I hope you find a good man and can let go of whatever it is that a bad man did to you.
Also, our world is overpopulated anyways. No need for more children.