Saturday, 10 July 2010
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'Sluts' Have A Heart, Too.
I think slut is an awful world.Everyone has feelings. Even so called sluts who have sex with random men. Me, I think there are two types of ‘sluts’. There are the women who just love sex, love control and do respect themselves; I envy these women and think there is nothing wrong in this. However, there are not many of these as MOST women can NOT detach their emotional feelings, unlike a lot of men.
Then there are the insecure type; the ones that get drunk and let themselves be swayed by their desperate need to, if only for a night, feel wanted, sexy and needed. To be held and kissed by someone. To feel like they are special. Sluts will always regret it the next day but like a drug they keep going back for more. They don’t want too be alone. They are so insecure they feel they need unsatisfying sex and lies too feel like they are worth something.Some men, just desperate too have sex with anyone, will tell a girl anything. All ‘sluts’ do wrong is choose desperately to believe them, believe their sweet bullshit for one night. Their self esteem is so low they choose to be taken advantage of and lied to, rather than wait for something they no longer believe in. Most ‘sluts’ have only ever been treated as ‘sluts‘, they will only ever be known as one. All they know is the high of those few hours when they are with a man and feel like they're doing something right and aren't alone. Those few hours when they are made to feel worth something makes them forget your problems.I think sluts have the same problems as alcoholics, cutters, people with eating disorders..ETC. They desperately cling too something which for a few moments takes away the pain. They have poor coping methods and are insecure, lost and something is not right in their life. Is it right too put someone down who clearly ALREADY has very low self esteem and no respect for themselves?All ‘sluts’ were little girls once. They have feelings, a heart. Maybe you should too.
Mancouch Says: The term slut, as defined by dictionary.com, is as follows:
slut [sluht]
–noun
1. a dirty, slovenly woman.2. an immoral or dissolute woman; prostitute.
Is it an awful word? Absolutely. But it's an awful word for a reason - because it describes an awful person. Should we feel pity for people whose many problems have led them to a life of sleeping around? Probably. But you're suggesting we should give them a free pass because they have emotional problems.
You might even be right about the fact that sluts have the same problems as alcoholics, cutters and people with eating disorders. But do you know what people who actually care about addicts do? They have interventions, they send the addict to rehab, they get them the help they need. What they don't do is say "Oh, you've had a hard life, so I'm going to let you continue your destructive behavior until it destroys you.", which is exactly what you're suggesting people do for sluts.
Self-destructive promiscuity can be just as dangerous as any other bad behavior. It leaves people way more open to sexually transmitted disease, sexual assault and rape, and that's in addition to the psychological problems it causes.
So why do we look down on sluts? Because their behavior is absurd and destructive, and people can't help but notice. And what happens when people notice someone else's ridiculous behavior? They talk. They joke. That's all there is to it. It's human nature, sadly. I wish it weren't that way - I wish that everyone would reach out a helping hand when they see someone in need, but that's just not the case.
Bottom line: there will always be women (and men) who throw caution to the wind when it comes to sleeping with men (or women, or both), and there will always be people who call them out on it. It may not be nice, but if the person engaging in slutty behavior notices the jibes at her, maybe she'll think twice about what she's doing.
What's your take on the word 'slut'?
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- From: Findingvanessa@xanga
- About Me: Searching for a happier, confident, positive, healthy, optimistic and determined me. Im 18, I love music and im vegan. I update a lot and i love to give advice whether you want it or not. DO NOT add me if your giving unhealthy tips or encouragement. Believe me there is enough negativity in life without you; so stop adding too it.
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Comments (69)
When I'm single I'm the first type of 'slut'. No one ever calls me a slut, though. I don't dress like a slut. I don't act like a slut. I don't feed off sexual attention. I just think some guys are hot and want to get in their panties. I'm like a man when it comes to sex.
As a matter of fact, I met both my boyfriends that way. I thought they were cute and wanted to sleep with them and that was it. Then they pursued me and eventually I decided I liked them too.
I don't sleep around while I have a boyfriend though. I'm not insecure. I'm not the kind of 'slut' that needs to be pittied. I sleep with people because they're hot and I want to have sex with them. That's it.
I used to think most sluts werel bad but reading this opened my mind a bit more.
I think the initial point was that hurting these people further isn't helpful, it didn't say "let them away with it" it just said dont make it worse. That person sounds like they could agree an intervention/ change is needed but the issue being discussed was the compassion and understanding that seems to be lacking so interventions weren't relevant.
You say thats just how the world is and you wish it were different, well thats why this person is writing to stand up against a wrong doing.
Also it was noted initially that there are some sluts who go around without emotional attatchment and can hurt others or take risks they shouldn't etc. Maybe those sluts are more deserving of such an awful word and uncompassionate treatment but. The argument was more relevant to those lacking self esteem/ filling an emotional need etc.
i think it's used far too often to describe people unworthy of such censure.
i was not suggesting they get a free ride AT ALL.
but saying that cruelty towards them never makes any situation better and that people should show some understanding/compassion rather than just putting someone down and being cruel just because they are a ' slut'my argument was shit but i dont care i know what i mean.
and sluts. One is a clinical issue the other is a moral. Now with this said
everyone has there drug of choice, rather its religion, working out, coffee,
cigarettes or the illegal/immoral. Sluts in my opinion provide a social good (minus
the STDs) even if it’s at their own expense. I would never judge them but at
the same time I couldn't Condon this either.
The OP doesn't even know what a "slut" is. But I'm damn tired of this fad.
When will you self righteous fucks realize that you're doing absolutely nothing but imposing your own thoughts and judgments onto people that have nothing to do with you? Someone just needs to put you back in your place.
No one cares about your opinions.
@Findingvanessa@xanga - Your definition of a slut is ironically just as judgmental.
@sarahvega@xanga - everyone is judgemental. every opinion has a judgement and every person has an opinion.
all i was saying was they dont deserve cruelty. im over this too. i posted this ages ago and changed it a lot. i know my argument is flawed.
@Findingvanessa@xanga - An argument in either direction shouldn't even exist. People just need to mind their own damn business.
sex is sex. i don't think anyone is a "slut" because WANTING OR NEEDING sex is natural, so why should someone be labeled as a "slut" just because they want to satisfy their needs?
I don't think theres anything wrong with sleeping around and having a very sexually active life IF you AND the participating parties are single and not involved with anyone IN ANY WAY.
To me, a slut is a girl (or guy) who knowingly sleeps with someone who is in a relationship, or even pursues a guy with a girlfriend and then proceeds to act like she was the innocent victim and did nothing wrong. Those girls deserve to have their vaginas sewn shut. (or penis cut off)
I won't judge you for having lots of sex. I'll judge you for having no morals.
Sluts have hearts, but they don't beat because they're already dead inside.
@oooh_itz_vvn@xanga - Why don't you blame the person who is CHEATING?? Duh! It's not the other person's fault that the other person doesn't find their relationship valuable enough. If you're going to label ANYONE a slut at least direct it towards the one who is actually acting in a "slutty" way.
@sarahvega@xanga - I assumed it would be understood that it applies to both parties but I guess not...
I agree with both parts of this post, more the second one. The reason that sluts are looked down on so much, however, is because they are usually the types of girls starting drama. That's not a surefire guarantee but it is a trend I've seen a LOT. And yes, I do feel bad for sluts and I try to watch my words before I spit out names. However...the first person is right that slut should not be thrown around and that we should think about what we're saying.
Like people that call celebrities sluts...a lot of girls in Hollywood do act promiscuous, but who are we to say that they are sluts? Its hard not to judge people based on how they present themselves--I think Kesha dresses like a whore, but I don't know that she IS one (well now that those nudie pictures have surfaced maybe she isn't the best example).
My basic point is, I try to judge people superficially. A girl may LOOK like a whore, she may be acting out, but that doesn't mean she's had sex with tons of people. And i do feel bad for these girls--but they need to be helped.
i could never sleep with somebody i didn't love. and i probably wouldn't date a guy who had a lot of partners (my boyfriend and i have been together since high school and were both each other's firsts and i'm very glad it worked out that way for me). but, to each his own. i don't tend to give much of a fuck what other people do, and i don't believe i've ever called anybody a slut. fuck whoever you want, just try to remember to be safe about it. what's it to me? if i'm not with you, it isn't my business who you fuck. if i AM with you, you had better damn well only be fucking me.
and also, i think the term "slut" can apply to men as well.
overall, interesting article though. personally, i believe in leaving people to their own devices. unfortunately, that doesn't seem to be how a lotta people think. oh well. if i had a word of advice to the sluts of the world, though, it would be this: if you're really that insecure and shit, get therapy. i had an eating disorder for four years. you know what i did? i got treatment. i'd say the same thing to an addict. i don't believe it's your "fault" for getting addicted to something, anything, to begin with. you obviously have issues, and that's all well and good, but at some point, you get out of denial and realize what's going on, and it becomes your decision to get better. if you don't choose to get better, well that's fine, but don't go bitching and moaning about your life and your problems. the only person who can fix it is you, so yeah.
i dont think its necessarily an insult. the meaning of such words depend on the case. it is used to much for anthing to have just one meaning anmore though the true meaning is the second type. it does get sad when tha girl isn't conscious of her behavior or when she is doing it in hope of something else whatever it may be.
truth be told. i'm a little confused about this post, like what the main point is. what thoughts i gather come from my personal experience. i used to be what i call a "closet slut." dated a guy that was on cruise for 8 months and cheated on him with three other guys, some times all three guys in a day, or maybe once a day. i became an alcoholic, i cut, and slept around. some days all three, other times it would be one or the other. no one knew about it,but knew the behavior was bad.
i agree that some people just like to have fun and meet up with people. there are other people who have other problems and like this post stated, express them through reckless sexual behavior. ultimately, people are quick to label people, and that's never right. i think women get the bad end of the deal. people are quick to point out a female that's "over sexual" but a guy is "expected" to be that way and it's ok. slut is an ugly over generalized word. many people are judgmental and too ignorant to open their minds to look past the behavior.
a person with a problem usually does other things that are simply symptoms of the problem. a person may drink a lot or eat, sleep, cut, sleep around or a combination. there's an underlying issue that's not being treated. don't look on the surface and settle on that.
Wow very stupid post. So double standard. So women who want to sleep with men are sluts... but where is the word to describe men who sleep with women? ( A stud?) Uh.. hello. The purpose of life is basically to survive and produce offsprings. You are thinking way too culturally. Men have always held more power. A woman lives in a man's world... and you are just a victim of it. AND who ARE you to classify what is and isn't a problem and who are you to judge those women?
And don't reply to my comment, I'm not here to educate ignorant baboons.
@Findingvanessa@xanga - I agree with you. And especially disagree with Mancouch's crappy response. Most strongly the line saying that
"but if the person engaging in slutty behavior notices the jibes at her, maybe she'll think twice about what she's doing"
No, that is not an excuse for calling people disrespectful names. Just like calling an alcoholic an, well, alcoholic isn't really going to stop them from being one. Yes rehab are available for these kinds of problems, because they are more 'acceptable' and understood.
I also didn't like the term 'she' that was used to describe the term 'slut'. Men can and have been described that way, too.
I think that if you want to be a free and sexually fierce woman...hey that's your prerogative. But when my girl friends go out and make stupid mistakes over and over again when they get drunk...I don't want to hear you complaining and crying about it the next morning. If you can't handle the emotional consequences that come with being easy...then keep your legs together. It's that simple...I dont' have any sympathy for those types of girls.
@sarahvega@xanga - Wow, somehow you've appointed yourself above everyone else with an opinion and we are all "self-righteous fucks"? "imposing your own thoughts and judgments onto people that have nothing to do with you?" I didn't see anyone forced to have thoughts imposed upon them, I saw people sharing different opinions and ideas on a topic..."Someone needs to just put you back in your place"...and that would be you? Who is judgemental and condescending now? " An argument in either direction shouldn't even exist. People just need to mind their own damn business" So you've decided for all of us that we shouldn't even be discussing this topic? Seems to me you are awfully angry and sensitive about this...does this subject strike close to home?
@oooh_itz_vvn@xanga - " I assumed it would be understood that it applies to both parties but I guess not..." No, strangely enough, it isn't applied to men. Somehow men are praised for their "sexual prowess" or "conquest" if they have sex with multiple women. If it goes past a point, however, most guys recognize that a guy has a real problem (addiction), especially if he is having sex with extremely younger/older people, people not generally considered to have a lot of sex appeal( ugly, obese, etc) hundreds of partners, etc. I once worked with a group of about 6 people closely. 4 other guys and a gal. We were in our mid twenties. At break time, subject of sex came up, and the question of how many different partners we had ever had came up. Most of the guys it was between 6-12, but our femal co-worker, after much though, said "close to 300". We were floored. We didn't know what to say. It definitely changed our opinions of her tho, even tho it wasn't spoken. You could see it in the other guys eyes, and in later conversations, there was a lot less respect for her, and her opinions and ideas were taken less seriously. Right or wrong, that's the dynamic I observed.
@chiffon_pixie@xanga - "if i'm not with you, it isn't my business who you fuck. if i AM with you, you had better damn well only be fucking me. " - Win.
" i don't believe it's your "fault" for getting addicted to something, anything, to begin with. you obviously have issues, and that's all well and good, but at some point, you get out of denial and realize what's going on, and it becomes your decision to get better. if you don't choose to get better, well that's fine, but don't go bitching and moaning about your life and your problems. the only person who can fix it is you..." Another win.
@emra_cadaver@xanga - " cheated on him with three other guys, some times all three guys in a day, or maybe once a day. i became an alcoholic, i cut, and slept around. some days all three, other times it would be one or the other. no one knew about it,but knew the behavior was bad. " So what did you do when you recognized it was "bad". Have you continued this behavior, or did you recognize there was a problem and take steps to change it? Did you have repercussions from your behavior? (STD's, scars, DWI's) What did you learn from the process? Did you find underlying issues of low-self esteem that caused you to gravitate toward these destructive behaviors, and if so, how did you overcome the self-esteem issues?
@oOxDoNot_EnterxOo@xanga - " A woman lives in a man's world... and you are just a victim of it. " Ah, yes, the classic, "I am a victim" mentality. News Flash...women control sex. Our society has been traditionally male dominated for most of it's existence. That has changed rapidly in the last 30 years. But one area women have always dominated and held power is sex. Most men become very compliant when they get shut off. And if you are married and shut him off, and he goes elsewhere, then he wasn't worth having in the first place. Oh, I forgot, you won't listen to "ignorant baboons" as you seem to have labeled all of us with opinions. Thanks from coming down from your throne and blessing us with morsels of your great wisdom.
@Peppermint__Kisses@xanga - " Just like calling an alcoholic an, well, alcoholic isn't really going to stop them from being one." No, but someone has to give that person a wake-up call, to bring those destructive behaviors in front of them, and insist they look at it. Many people are stuck in denial about their alcoholism or other abhorrent behaviors. They lie to themselves and others to avoid having to confront their behaviors, and many times it takes therapy to allow you to come to the realization that you have a real problem, and you need help dealing with it, and yes, a change of behaviors is needed. If you ever work a 12-step program, one of the first steps is admitting you have a problem. Nicknames like "slut" have been around forever, and they are negative and meant to be condescending when used. Same for "drunk", "pothead", "stoner", "whore", and countless others. Yes, we can be politically correct and say "sexual deviant" instead of "slut", but really, which one sounds worse?
who cares...anyone wanna taste my sperm?
I love this post.
Really.And I understand both types of "sluts". There should be a new word. The definition of slut to me is woman who has slept with a lot of men.But the thing is, women can have loads of reasons to do this, and she should not be judged for what she does. It is an extremely derogatory word for something that should be left not judged.I'm not a slut, not even close. I've been in one relationship and I'm a virgin. But I have a high sex drive (in my opinion, anyway)...and if I choose to have sex alot in the future, I sure as hell don't want to be called a "slut" for my behavior.
This is one of the biggest double standards (men are called "players" which is so positive) when they have a lot of sex.
@CuTeLilHaYHaY13@xanga - I agree with you. If they know it was a mistake, and can't emotionally handle it....making a mistake more than twice, thrice...is just plain stupid.
@oOxDoNot_EnterxOo@xanga - The post is not stupid at all because everything we do and say is based on our environment, which develops who we become. One cannot separate themselves from culture and the environment. That's like saying your genes don't determine what you look like.
@oooh_itz_vvn@xanga - Totally agree. Damn, I just said the same thing as you in different words.
@thedommediaries@xanga - I like your post, and your attitude and behavior to to the whole matter. I think I'm like a guy when it comes to sex and don't want to be judged for it.