Thursday, 27 May 2010
The story I am about to tell is hopefully something that few men have had to actually cope with, but I have deemed it necessary to recount the tale of those unsung few that have. The transgression of which I speak is decent, hard working guys being cock-blocked by a significant other's stuffed animal.
A personal friend of mine recently spent the day with his girl for her birthday and all things considered played an exceptional role as the boyfriend. Being towed from one store to the next and enduring relentless hours of shoe shopping is no easy task for any guy, and my friend managed to do so with nary an utterance or complaint stating that it was "her day" and wanted to make it special. All of this I can respect, but it is the climax of our story where things take a somewhat unsettling turn.
On their return trip to their apartment the girlfriend spotted a "claw" game with a large stuffed penguin sitting atop the pile of yoga DVDs and otherwise forgettable garbage. Penguins being the girlfriend's favorite, she exclaimed that she "just had to have it", and because it was her birthday the boyfriend figured what the hell, and about 5 bucks in quarters later returned to the apartment victorious with penguin in tow.
However, despite his best efforts to cash in his dividends of brownie points that he had accumulated that day, the girlfriend had instead decided to roll over in bed, and intimately spooned a stuffed bird that makes it's nest from snow and poop. Before my friend could protest, the girl had fallen fast asleep, now with an unrelenting death grip on her new arctic companion.
What is perhaps more insulting, is that my friend's girl was now wordlessly rejecting his advances in her sleep. Any attempt to hug, spoon or cuddle his girlfriend was met with a pronounced moan of the most negative fashion. Needless to say, my friend drifted off to sleep unfulfilled, comforted only by his newfound hatred for flightless arctic birds.
Have you ever been passed up for a stuffed animal?