Saturday, 22 May 2010
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You Shouldn't Watch [pr0n], Dear.
Pr0nography has now come to be something 'every man watches'. In our society it has become the normality for men to watch pr0n. It's nothing out of the ordinary.
As a woman though, I find it troubling.
Despite how self confidant you are, you will always have some insecurity about your body. When the man you love is watching other women preform various sex acts and such, it's a blow to your confidence. Can't you please him?
As a woman, I feel the need to strive to make him happy enough sexually, and please him enough so that he doesn't feel the need for porn. I want to be all he wants; all he needs. I want to know that I can satisfy all of my mans sexual needs, and his fantasies. I don't want him to need the sexual release of pr0nography.
It's sad because some men start comparing there wives and significant others to pr0n stars. When this happens the woman feels inadequate, and she's no longer comfortable in front of her own husband or significant other; and how can you have a good, healthy sex life when your not comfortable with your lover?
In my opinion, pr0nography is ruining many women's self esteem and confidence not only in the bedroom, but with her own body.
Mancouch Says: Sorry sweetheart, but I call bullshit on this one.
How do you think guys feel when their girlfriends ogle some buff, handsome celebrity or an athlete? And even if you aren't guilty of it personally, as unlikely as that probably is, many other ladies are. You may not be watching him perform cunnilingus on someone, but I'm willing to bet you've thought about it. Taking pr0n away from guys would be exactly the same as taking this sort of ogling away from women.
Now, I do agree with you on one point. Men shouldn't compare their significant others to, or expect them to act like pr0n stars. It's totally unrealistic and pretty naive. If a guy is doing that, it's a sign that he's got some sex issues to work out, or that the relationship has some sex issues in general.
But a guy who watches pr0n on a moderately regular basis shouldn't cause you to second guess your sexual self worth, especially if your sex life is good. And why? Because pr0n is just fantasy, extremely graphic fantasy. Guys enjoy it for two reasons. We like hot women, and we like to watch people f*cking. Very simple.
Telling a guy not to watch pr0n is basically telling him that he shouldn't masturbate, and why the hell would you take that away from us? Whacking is a necessary function, and frankly, if we thought about our S.O's every time we did it, we'd be a bunch of mindless sex drones, stuck in missionary position, with no head for role playing.
A healthy sexual imagination is the key to having a good sex life. Watching pr0n gives us a whole lot of ideas about what we like, and what we don't. It also keeps us from getting completely sick of our girlfriends. So why don't you stop being selfish and try and enjoy a skin flick with your man instead of complaining about it?
Chances are it'll turn him on.
What do you think about guys watching pr0n?
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- From: chrissiibear@xanga
- Name: Christina
- About Me: Chrissi. | Single. | RHS. | Feminist. | Chemistry Nerd. | I'm just a girl doing the best with what I've got. I'm cliche and want a love like in fairytales, and I adore thunderstorms. My favorite food is spaghetti and I'm a chai tea addict. I'm pro-choice and very much against racism. Social libral, fiscal conservetive. Get to know me via my blog. Message me with any questions(:
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Comments (104)
I think when a guy starts comparing his girlfriend or wife to a pornstar, he might have a porn addiction...I don't see a problem with a guy watching porn every now and than, I watch it myself occasionally.
"How do you think guys feel when their girlfriends ogle some buff,
handsome celebrity or an athlete? And even if you aren't guilty of it
personally, as unlikely as that probably is, many other ladies are. You
may not be watching him perform cunnilingus on someone, but I'm willing
to bet you've thought about it. Taking pr0n away from guys would be
exactly the same as taking this sort of ogling away from women."
EXACTLY.
Difficult as it may be to avoid, I don't think that either party should watch it. It sets up unrealistic expectations about appearance and performance; portrays men and women as sexual objects rather than meaningful pursuits; and causes people to lust after people who aren't their significant others.
"It also keeps us from getting completely sick of our girlfriends."
Are you kidding? Is that a real argument? If pornography is what's keeping you from getting sick of your girlfriend, then you may not be ready for a committed relationship.
I wouldn't care if my guy watched porn. It in no way would reflects how I feel about myself. I think its normal. I think you can learn some fun things from porn lol.
Uhm, ok, there's a difference between what you're thinking and what you're seeking out.
Ogling and watching porn are completely different things. Guys do it all the time, too. Come up with a better equivalent if you want to make a valid point. Honestly, if you're watching porn, chances are you're unsatisfied. I don't find it selfish at all to feel hurt that you're essentially not enough to stimulate one's significant other. Stop being selfish? That sounds so immature to me. If you don't want to get bored of your girlfriend don't go out with someone boring and prudish. You can't have it both ways.There are always two ways to look at everything, but this is one spot that demands communication. Not in a blog, but between the two people (or more) that are in the relationship. Details here are like watching the aftermath of a trainwreck.
Ogling and porn are not the same thing--but that is not even the first problem with "man" couch's argument. Let's start with the first point.
They argue that ogling is wrong (by implying that it is something that they do in spite of the fact they have boyfriends, just as men watch porn in spite of the fact that they are in a committed relationship), then say that it would be impossible to ask women to stop doing this; therefore, porn is okay.
First of all, if something is wrong, then it should be stopped--no matter how hard it is (especially pertaining to matters coming between a husband and wife). The point of being in a loving relationship is to love the other person to the point of selflessness--not in a servant/master way, but in a sacrificial way. So, if my ogling men is hurting my husband's feelings, then I am in the wrong to not stop. I am being selfish, and knowingly hurting him; therefore, I should stop.
So, yes, women should not ogle other men (and lust after other men). Nor should men look at porn. It is not simply looking at an image, like observing a piece of art, nor is it so sanitized and emotionless as simply processing an image in the brain. It touches on the deepest physical expression of human love and affection--sex. Sex is meant to be a representation of the selfless human relationship of love in a marriage--sacrificial, unabashed love. It is meant to convey a permanent union, as well as to experience pleasure and satisfaction in closeness. In short--there is a MEANING to sex. It is not mechanical, or pointless to be abused at will--it is something that should not be taken lightly.
And the fact of the matter is--when you are openly fantasizing about another women's body, you may as well be cheating. You are longing for someone other than your wife/husband. You are longing for a union that is not your original union. You are longing for someone ELSE's wife/husband. When analyzed closely, porn is a trap of lust, lies, and infidelity. It also is a trap of selfishness--it only leads to selfish leanings to wanting what YOU want, and not what your partner wants. Even if you are not touching the women you are fantasizing over, you are still physically and mentally cheating on your significant other. Just because the other person involved is on a screen does not make it okay--anymore than webcamming and having "sex" that way with another person makes that form of sexual deviancy okay; if I caught my boyfriend looking at a woman stripping for him online, I would consider that cheating. Why is porn different?
I can see how this will become a heated argument.
Yeah, see? Couchers, you shouldn't have posted this. They'll never shutup.
Um, what's with the pr0n thing?? Why don't you just write porn?
Problems I have with telling your boyfriend not to watch porn:
There is no difference between fantasy (the famous “spank-bank”) and porn. If he wants to masturbate, he will. It’s nature. Men do it, women do it. It’s good for you. So what is there to lose?
Don’t generalize: Lots of women watch porn. Maybe not as much or as often, but we exist. There’s nothing wrong with women watching porn with or without their boyfriends. Try it, you might like it.
Ogling IS the same as watching porn. When I see (and possibly stare) at a hot guy on tv, I am SEXUALLY attracted to him. My first impression is not, “Gee, he must have very interesting conversations.” Sure, I’m not watching him fornicate with some other broad(s), but give me 15 seconds and I can form my own little mental picture.
I love my boyfriend. We have been in a monogamous and committed relationship for 2 years and we can share anything with each other, fantasies included. He watches porn, and I’m fine with that. He doesn’t hide it or lie about it. He doesn’t have to. That’s how it should be.
I can be entirely pleased sexually and still watch porn. I am also a woman. I find it fine and natural to watch porn. It can teach you a lot of new things. And it keeps your sex drive going.
There is nothing wrong with porn in moderation!
My boyfriend and i both watch porn. I mean... why not? sometimes you just wanna get off without having sex with your partner. Doesn't mean you dont love em, just means you want a quick less intense fix.
@piercedandbeautiful@xanga - can we start over with you writing this post?
OH I forgot. It's not interesting if it's not controversial.@cdedodgethis@xanga - yeah I was wondering that, too.
The main and possibly only thing that irritates me about a man watching pr0n (lol) while in a relationship with me is when he hides it and leads me to believe he isn't using it because he "has no need for it" since amazing ol' me is there to give him whatever he wants. It's just irritating to come across it on the computer and wonder how long it's been there while he said he wasn't into porn, his secret little indulgence- he obviously DOES have a need for it, or a want, which is not horrid in itself. I resent being led to believe a falsehood, like he thinks it makes him look like a better person to me. It's like, dude, you could have shared... If you weren't all uptight and secretive about it this wouldn't be such an issue. It's mainly a trust issue for me. If I can't trust him to man up and tell the truth about this, are there any other areas in the relationship where he's misleading me?
Pr0n is great, Masturbation is great, Sex is great. I watch pr0n with my boy often, but it only because he usually catches me doing so, aaahaha :) xx
@Katseye4pirates@xanga - I agree.
I live with my boyfriend whom I dearly love, and who dearly loves me. I satisfy his sexual cravings, he satisfies mine. We do not watch porn. Seeing as I was out of a job until this week, literally every moment he's online for the past year I've been in the house with him. Meaning...my boyfriend hasn't watched porn in over a year (and from what I honestly know, he barely did to begin with). It's a simple respect issue. He knows that I find it demeaning and disgusting, and therefore he doesn't watch it. I make sure he is satisfied and all is perfectly fine. I don't think that porn really has a place in a mature, serious relationship, or well...at least not one with me. I know a lot of statistics about porn and sex workers that make me want to vomit. There is NOTHING attractive about the plastic bodies on TV, I'm sorry. I see sex as a spiritual thing anyway, and I find emotionless and meaningless sex as bad as an escape/addiction to drugs. It's all just mind-numbing cravings, only sex is socially acceptable and a bit less detrimental to your health. We eat animals and claim to be better than them, yet double standard and use our sexual instincts as excuses, and I'm pretty sure the oversexuality and availability of sex on every corner accounts for some part of the 50% divorce rate anyway--because hey, if your girlfriend won't do it, another person will be more than happy too, and they're readily available.
And if you need porn to 'get a break from your SO', what kind of fucking relationship are you in anyway?! I haven't had a fight with my SO in about two years (small spats not included, as those exist periodically), much less seriously noticeably oogled someone else or needed to get away from him sexually. If you can't keep your love life interesting without some form of technology or getaway I don't see you staying sexually compatible regardless.
Idunno. There's my two cents on it. I'm confident about my body, and I would be offended if my boyfriend, whom I see every day, chose to jack off instead of have sex with me. It's trading copper for gold. I can understand that before I moved in and we were in an LDR, how it might be different and bug me less...but I am physically here. I can do just about anything that a girl on a TV screen can, and even better, I can actually do it, in real live 3d. ;D He'd be a moron to pass it up. And trust me, I make sure he knows it.
~_^
For all you ladies who watch porn with your man, or just let him watch porn and are comfortable with it, good for you. I'm glad you're so self-assured. However, you have no right to judge me because I'm not. I'm fat; I'll never be a model or porn star. Even if I was thin, I don't have the right body for it. Maybe you do, maybe you don't. Either way, if my husband were to watch porn, he wouldn't need me. In general, he could do much better than me. But he's satisfied with me because he loves me. He doesn't NEED porn to be sexually satisfied. And for the men that do, I feel sorry for you. Maybe someday you'll meet a woman worthy of your sex drive. Until you do, pleasure yourself to whatever obscene material you want, but don't feel sorry for my husband because I don't let him watch porn; he's getting laid more than you :)
http://www.shelleylubben.com/
http://www.thepinkcross.org/
Porn is just gross.
@Covergirl_For_Sanity_Fair@xanga - thank youuuu for this comment.
Also, I don't ogle, and I wouldn't date a guy who was constantly into that stuff.
To me it is considered a form of cheating.
@milkthistle@xanga - What?
I was kinda grossed out by the idea until I got "introduced" to it by my bf... I didn't want to watch it by myself, so we watched it together and it was fine. ~_~ That was just once though because I'm not really into it. *shrug* I don't think he even watches it much anymore either. I think you probably enjoy it more if you're snuggling up to someone you love vs. just thinking about your man watching porn alone. =P
I watch porn. I
like porn. Wait, I love watching porn. It gets me turned on and then I
have one of those good-feel days throughout the rest of the day. It doesn't mean that I watch it all the time but I do watch it occasionally. And I
do have a favorite pornstar (what woman wouldn't like Ron Jeremy?!
JUSSST KIDDING). Honestly, there's a reason that your man is with you (or that your woman
is with you, fellas). If we were to get angry that our SO liked
pornstars, than you might as well stop disillusioning yourself because
you wouldn't be happy unless you were the only man or woman on earth.
Stop getting jealous. Stop getting irate. You're good enough and all
that other stuff (porn, athletes, movie stars) is just eye candy. Neither my boyfriend nor I watch porn constantly but we don't oppose to it at all. If he's not around and I really just get in the mood, than that's what I'll turn to. It doesn't mean that there's something mentally wrong with us or something weird about our relationship. Ps. I read up above that
a man can pretty much live without a woman if he's so inclined to
watch porn but that's definitely not true. There's nothing better than
the actual act of it with someone else. A hand doesn't do as much
justice as a mouth does. Think about it. Everyone's entitled to their own opinions. Good for people who don't
watch porn but don't knock the rest of us that do as heathens or
despicable people. I don't substitute porn for sex at all. But I don't see anything wrong with porn. But that's me and what does my opinion matter anyway.