Saturday, 24 April 2010

  • Holy Ghost Hokey Pokey

    I guess you could call this a sequel to the Christian Side-Hug. But I think this is at an even lower level. The side-hug is the type of shit I've come to expect from the overly and insanely Christian. This is a fresh new hell. This is just unbelievable. I mean, it's the fucking hokey pokey, it's a game made up for preschoolers to get them to shut up for five minutes and they're treating it like it's fucking magic. Personally, I blame Tim Tebow being selected in the first round of the NFL draft. You have to watch this for yourself:



    Of course, my first thought after watching this (well, after several moment of just shock and terror ... like watching Jesus Camp again level scared) was "what is the hokey pokey really is what it's all about?" Ah, that's an old stand by isn't it?

    Maybe the Christians here can help me out here, in exactly what psalm does Jesus heal people by having them stand in a circle, put their appendages in, take their appendages out, put their appendages back in, shake their appendages all about, and then spin in a circle? If there is one, I'm pretty sure Jesus was just playing a practical joke on them. He was giggling with Judas saying things like, "No, no, watch. I can totally make them turn in a circle ... look! look! They're doing it. Ok, ok, no, no shhhh, stop laughing! You're going to give us away! Ok, ok, I just got them to do the left hand right? Alright, now I'm going to get them to do the same exact thing with the right hand .... HOLY SHIT! They're actually doing it!"

    Then he probably just healed them for being good sports. By the end, though it probably just turned to bragging when he told them to put their giant cocks in and then was like, "Oh wait ... you guys don't have giant cocks? It's just me? That's right it is just me. Gaze upon it as I shake it all about!"

    Where was I? Oh yes, this shit is pretty fucking ridiculous. I want to make so many jokes, but what can I possibly say that this does not say about itself? Christians, you have to stop this. How am I supposed to make fun of you, if you insist on being so ridiculous as to go beyond all sense of parody? (Que angry mob saying I can't group all Christians together blah blah blah ...)

    Can you come up with any jokes for this?

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