This is a picture of a new crucifix at an Oklahoma Catholic church. It has caused some controversy given the fact that Jesus appears to have a giant cock. That dude should be in pr0n.
Church officials claim that it is simply supposed to be his distended stomach, but this hasn't stopped many churchgoers from leaving the parish over this (but not over rampant child rape ... interesting) and the ones that remain from being super pissed.
Hey! Oklahoma Catholics! It's a compliment! The maker of the crucifix was simply noting that your savior was sporting some mighty fine artillery down there. What? Are you saying that he wasn't swinging a tree branch down there? Are you trying to say that Jesus wasn't lugging around grapefruit sized balls? Then what was Jesus packing? I think this is a very important question for the legitimacy of your religion.
So let's say you're right and Jesus wasn't hung like an ox (let's just say). Do you think he was shopping in the kids section when it came to purchasing cups? Maybe that explains the whole ... you know ... child rape thing. Those priests were just trying to be closer to Jesus.
I'm just saying this controversy brings up some very important questions that demand answers, Catholics. And if you're not up to the challenge, well, lord knows I am.
Personally, I think this crucifix is a
revelation. (heh heh see what I did there?)
What do you think Jesus was packing?
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Comments (31)
I think those are just badly drawn abs...
Holy shit I didn't see it at first then it clicked.
LOL
If he's my savior, damn right he has a massive peen.
i love your theory. :)
holy shit, it's thicker than his leg.
Wow, those are some horrifically drawn abs!
If that's up there, then what's down there?
If that really was the size of his package then I wouldn't have a problem kneeling before him. ;)
No wonder Mary Magdelene stuck around...
Hahahahahahahaha.
They should sell that. Auction it off.
drawing personal badass power from religion has been popular since defacing religion has been allowed.
Slurring it with sex hyped up the volume.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7TyOjTRyIHU
It's almost as ridiculous as talking to walking corpses would be. Play chicken with them.
Jesus must have been quite stupid and delusional. You can't be saved if you are afraid, for one thing. Just accept it, man. He should have been battered beyond fear. Reality is awesome, right? It seems the Muslims have left a special space for him. Why would he need a grave to await the resurrection? He went to Heaven.
From the sixth hour until the ninth hour darkness came over all the land. About the ninth hour Jesus cried out in a loud voice, "Eloi, Eloi, lama sabachthani?" ["Eli, Eli, lama sabachthani?" in King James Version Bible] -- which means, "My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?" (Matthew 27:45-46, NIV)
If we would have made angels look like man, you would have been even more confused ~ Koran
I guess that's why you need prophets, even though an angel would just be like a prophet but like a better model.
Only the ignorant guard the sacred mosque ~ Koran
Sign me up.
"Father, father!" And a rock like person/thing sits up. Hollywood out, right?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SLZAycIjbZM
Wow.
"I think this is a very important question for the legitimacy of your
religion." hahaha. Whoever made this knew exactly what he was doing.
And for the record, to leave a parish doesn't mean to leave the church. it just means going to the other church down the street. it's not really comparable to the whole child molesting thing. i really hope they were angrier about that than just a ridiculous painting.
it looks way more like a cock than a stomach that's for sure
@Colorsofthenight@xanga - good to run into you
this has nothing to do with anything--I've just read that among the agonies of crucifixion that would cause men to piss and crap themselves and scream curses until they died, there was the added indignity of an involuntary erection. for this reason, & for modesty, Jewish victims were allowed loin cloths
the old Vikings, Phoenicians, and other polytheists sort of reveled in the big bits & pieces on the statues of their divinities--which they're entitled to do
we Christians can be both incredibly stuffy and tolerant. Muslims (if they allowed portrayls of the Prophet) would've fixed this dilemma long ago.
Shouldn't they just be happy it does not look like a poorly drawn vagina? At least it's the correct junk.
i wouldn't have thought penis had i not read this article before looking at the picture...i dont' understand why people have to pervert EVERYTHING. why would his dick be on his stomach?
@wrybreadspread@xanga - See, for a long time the Jewish race has been the little kid on the playground, so they rebelled. Who could blame them? Unfortunately, having values stronger than containers can be costly if it isn't truly dominate for reasons expressed in ideology for an entire government. Jesus is to blame for the latest problems. Thus he suffers on.
If I were Jewish, I'd just be like screw it and move, marry someone with stronger genes so that it didn't show in any possible offspring and forget the whole argument. They've been in the same region for 100,000 years or so between the worlds. They're just in a bad location. They aren't cursed by God but by humans trying to find somebody to blame for everything.
They aren't going to make it, man, but their problems have made for superior military advancements, so not all is lost. It probably will be for them, but you know what I mean.
wow. that's hilarious.
LOL.
Whoa man, whoa. You would think they would try to make his stomach.. um.. NOT look like a penis?
interesting
lmao. rofl.
but yeah, i can understand their anger. jesus was in fact, born a woman. but she felt deep inside that she was supposed to be a man. so she grew a beard and called herself jesus of nazareth. so obviously, a male organ is very disrespectful to jesus.
by the way, the bible says nothing about child rape being wrong. so why would the church care?
AHHHHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAHHH(wipes a tear)......AAAAHAHAHAHHAHAAAAAHAHAAHAAHHAAA