“I feel fat. Do I look fat?” I’m annoyed even typing it. However, this phrase/question is something that we as friends and/or lovers have to hear and respond well to if we don’t want to be ex-friends and/or lovers.
Think about it this way (I KNOW I am not the first person to say this): Women are self-conscious about their bodies in the same way that men are self-conscious about sex. A good portion of us ladies think about our bodies all the time, and feeling “fat,” can probably translate to how you guys feel if a girl you’ve been pursuing turns you down, or if she tells you that you are terrible in the sack. These are by no means exact comparisons, but bear with me.
There is really no good answer to the “do I look fat?” question. The reason is that she isn’t (usually) asking you if she “looks fat.” She is (usually) asking you if she is desirable, or she feels somehow scrutinized, and needs to get something off her chest. How are you supposed to answer a question she isn’t even asking?
In my personal experience (yes. I have asked that question many, many times. I’m not proud) the hands down best response a guy ever gave me was “Um. I really just want to have sex with you all of the time. You are hot. So whatever your body looks like…I guess is what I like.” Notice he did not answer the question, which is a good thing, because there really is no good answer. We will not believe the words “No, you don’t look fat.”
Additionally, as a person trained in clinical therapy, I can tell you that the best way to answer a difficult question is by reflecting, and asking another question right back. By doing this, you acknowledge that you have heard what she has said, and you care about what they have to say. If your significant other asks you a question that strikes you as a little strange, it is usually best to ask why they asked in the first place: "No, I don't think that you look fat, but why do you ask?" She may share more, she may not. The key is to be able to decode the message sent when she asks the question. And, again, usually it has something to do with feeling desirable, or feeling scrutinized.
Essentially, if you want that and other impossible questions to stop (and maybe turn into an actual statement that garners a dialog between partners), you have to listen to what the question means. And trust me, the whole "dialog" thing leads to much better sex.
How have you dealt with this question? Was it annoying? What are other ways to deal with difficult questions?
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Comments (41)
I ask this question in a different way.
"Do you think I need to work out?"
I only do it cuz it's funny, I'm never serious. I know if I look fat.
I also ask
"Does this make my butt look big?"
AND YOU BETTER SAY YES!
hahaha
;D
@GiantUnicorn@xanga - Imagine the girls asking that question, the men asking an insecure question about their cocks, and trying to parlay that into sex, before saying that it matter not, as long as the two of them still get laid regardless. Haha!
When I am being asked that question I usually tell the truth. If i think she is fat, I will tell her straight up that she needs to start hitting the gym and cut down on the junk food. You may think this is a cruel thing to say but it is good for her in the long run.
I do ask my "sister" this question very often as well. I appreciate that she tells me the truth so I will know that I should start paying attention to what I am eating.
My response to difficult questions.. "ummm,, that's a very good question. I will get back to you later." Yeah, this is a cop out. haha
Nicely put. :) And that is a pretty damn good answer about wanting to have sex with you no matter what. WIN.
Why lie to her? If she looks fat, just say so.
"Does this jockstrap make my penis look small?"
ha, that's odd, i've gotten pretty much the exact same answer. it's a good one.
some clothes do make girls look fat. so when asked, i'm not going to lie. the question doesn't bother me. i don't really understand why a girl would ask a guy that question though, considering most men have no fashion sense, unless he's gay. i always assumed girls did that just to get the guy to check her out.
Why are you so insecure?
This question should have been asked a lot more so "babydoll tops" would have never become popular.
Girls who ask me stupid fucking questions like this better be able to handle the whole truth and nothing but the truth so help them God.
I never openly judge a girl in front of her, unless she asks stupid questions like this. Usually, I go one of two routes:
1.) I stay silent and when she asks again, thinking I didn't hear her, I respond with "Nice trap, but I'm not biting" or
2.) Brutal honesty. If she asks if a pair of jeans make her look fat and they do, I'll tell her so.
Let me share some insight, fishing for compliments often comes off far more unattractive than maybe an extra pound or two.
When I ask the question, I am just asking in general for how the clothing is fitting me. I know I am not fat, but some clothes are less flattering on me than others. I don't need validation from anyone...but sometimes I need a second opinion.
I only ask this question if I GENUINELY am not sure if what I'm wearing makes me look fat. Sometimes even the thinnest girl can look frumpy if the shirt/pants/whatever doesn't fit her right. I NEVER ask guys this question because I know it makes me look insecure. I only ask my closest girl friends and my mom.
"Do I look fat in this?"
My Answer: Did you buy it to look fat in?
May be a harsh answer, but I don't think she bought the clothing to look fat in. Ladies...you eyes see just as good as us, no different. Mirrors were made for a reason, USE THEM.
An answer that could work everytime would "What answer do you want to hear?"
I don't ask "do i look fat" its usually more of "is this okay" but thats because I have certain hindering factors in choosing clothing.
closest to this question to ever fall out of my mouth is: "how's this look on me?" and if he just nods and says "pretty good" then i'm ok ... but if he has to study for a while and consider his answer, i know i should probably go change LMAO
@mcmeister89 - "Let me share some insight, fishing for compliments often comes off far more unattractive than maybe an extra pound or two."
Well put
@Icecold4u@xanga - That's exactly what I used to say with my exes.
I believe that every woman has asked themselves or another this question. I think it is very natural to be concerned about our bodies, whether it is our appearance or health. I have definitely asked my friends and boyfriend this question. I think there are two different ways this question can be asked.. When I try on clothes, there are going to be certain styles that don't flatter my body type, completely understandable. I might not see it while another can. Then, there are days where I am just not feeling it! I am bloated, upset, or just feeling self conscious. There might be something that is bothering me or I just want to hear something nice.
@mcmeister89 - I agree with you! We are all attracted to different people. If weight is a concern for your significant other, vise versa, why would you not be honest with each other.
Things I have learnt from experience not to say:
- yes but us men like something to hold on to
- yes but i love you anyway
- yes, take it off
- yes
Check out my dating disasters:
http://plentymorefishoutofwater.blogspot.com/
Just tell the truth. If they do, why would you say they don't? Then they go out in public looking bad. You don't have to be mean to be honest. They'll appreciate the honesty if you're chill about it. I know I do.
@Salivarysatisfaction@datingish - <3
This post has made me realize that I have never asked anyone if I look fat.
That's such a weird question.
I feel like most women don't actually regularly ask this.
It doesn't matter what the reply is, she still thinks she looks fat. In fact, that's what I'd say if I was a guy: "You're gonna say you look fat regardless, so why are you asking me?"