Saturday, 20 March 2010
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Goin’ Down: Oral Sex Pointers From An Actual Female
One of my personal dating criteria is that you must be willing to give and receive oral sex. That is not a topic easily discussed on a first date (although it would be helpful to weed out guys who just aren’t going to be able to satisfy me in that way), however I have been in a few rare situations where everything is going great (we like each other, we have fun, etc.), however once we get down to business, he reaches straight for the condoms (even though I have made it very clear what my needs are). I’m sorry, but for me cunnilingus is not a “perk,” it’s part of the standard. It’s just what needs to happen. I will admit, some guys are just inexperienced and maybe a little nervous about giving women oral sex, but I have met a few men who just don’t do it.
That being said, I don’t ever recommend doing anything in the bedroom that you are not comfortable with. First of all, everyone is entitled to his or her boundaries, likes and dislikes. Part of being a healthy, sexually active adult is being aware of your limits, and being able to say “no.” But, I have certainly met straight men that simply assert that the idea of mouth to female genital contact is a little “gross.” Perhaps they’ve had bad experiences with taste, textures and scents of female genitals, but again, there are high individual differences between women, so don’t let one bad experience ruin a possibly enjoyable sexual encounter.
For men who are simply a little intimidated, here are a few pointers:
- Listen. I know it sounds cliché, but asking questions about her likes and dislikes and really listening to the answers can be both hot and informative.
- Some women are reluctant to let men give them oral sex, because they are anxious about any possible aversive tastes or scents. Keep this in mind. If you enjoy what you taste, etc, let her know! This will relax her, and help her feel more open and trusting.
- Female genitals are not on a completely different planet from male genitals. I’ve heard male friends of mine describe, “spelling the alphabet” with their tongues on the under parts of their lady friends. Maybe this works for some women I’ve never met, but erectile tissue pretty much just needs a steady (well lubricated) bit of methodical friction. In other words, changing what you are doing every 4 seconds is probably going to make it more difficult for her to climax. Find a nice spot, pace, etc, and stick with it for a while (until instructed otherwise).
- Movie editing has pretty much conditioned us to believe that sex is supposed to be a quick montage where the woman achieves orgasm the moment you begin oral sex. Give her time, and let her know that she has all the time she needs. Strategically adjusted pillows under your chest can relieve any neck and shoulder pain that you may feel.
- Obviously there are going to be high individual differences between women, but the upper left quadrant of the clitoris (from her perspective) is generally very sensitive in most women (this is not true for all women).
- Here is a small guide that I love with some more detailed pointers, suggestions and encouragement: http://www.guys.clitical.com/better-cunnilingus.php
How do you feel about cunnilingus? Is it something that you aren’t comfortable doing? Or do you LOVE it? If so, comment, and let me know why!
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- From: Leah
- Name: Leah
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Comments (63)
Spelling the alphabet, that's hilarious! I am a receiver, I don't do it because I don't swing that way.
I like doing it but i've never met a guy who really knew what he was doing. Bad oral is like killer. I much prefer girls to do it until that special someone of the opposite sex who knows a thing or two comes along.
I definitely love doing it, especially if she gets off. I'm not much into receiving it though. Maybe if she did it while I was asleep....
Well I have never done it before but I would be willing to do it if my future girlfriend goes down on me also. I would also be more willing to do it right after she took a bath.
That guide you posted is in fact truly excellent!! but you said it all here, really:
"Female genitals are not on a completely different planet from male
genitals. I’ve heard male friends of mine describe, “spelling the
alphabet” with their tongues on the under parts of their lady friends.
Maybe this works for some women I’ve never met, but erectile tissue
pretty much just needs a steady (well lubricated) bit of methodical
friction. In other words, changing what you are doing every 4 seconds
is probably going to make it more difficult for her to climax. Find a
nice spot, pace, etc, and stick with it for a while (until instructed
otherwise)."
Works every time! Thanks for the post.
Too much direct clitoral stimulation can quickly become unpleasant and painful, just like constantly rubbing the glans of a penis can be torturous. Some people don't seem to understand this with women, though. I prefer pressure being put on the little "hood" just above the clitoris so there isn't so much direct contact all the time. This applies to both manual and oral stimulation.
I've found the best way to learn good "cunnilingus" (a new word for me) is by watching girl-on-girl porn. As the title of this post suggests, there's no one who knows what genital-stimulating methods feel best than the person with the genetals in question, right? Watching porn when you have a girlfriend and kids is a little, ehhhhhhh.....I'll say weird, but I have learned a lot and the weirdness is worth the reward when I get to try it out for myself.
Love doing it. As such, I've had lots of practice. No need to say more.
Love, love, love doing it. And have received rave reviews, with many repeat requests from all past recipients
I swear to this day I can find very few men who can do it good! I should just print this out and put it on guys car hoods. Maybe then I can find a guy who knows what he's doing!
What I LOVE is this post. Good work, guys.
The alphabet is just for fun, to get things started. Pro-tip: when your tongue gets tired (trust me, it will unless you've got some serious workout regimen for it), use your head/neck to take over while giving your tongue a break. Of course, if she's right there and on the edge, take it like a man and take the fatigue - the results are well worth it.
good advice! I hope guys actually read this.
I love giving, but I usually don't like receiving because my guy is way too aggressive and fast initially. I don't have the guts to tell him yet, but I plan on it. procrastination. ugh.
I've never gotten the chance to perform oral on a girl before, but I hope the chance comes. I've received plenty of times and agree with the advice given. I don't like when people move from one thing to the next. I need time to adjust and get used to things before you switch to something else.
It's a must have for any sexual relationship, I beleive.
I hate receiving oral. I get incredibly self conscious and then my anxiety usually ends up overriding the pleasure of it all.
@vwagenjetta@xanga - Porn is a bad indicator of good sex. Practice is a much better way to learn.
@vwagenjetta@xanga - Porn is a bad indicator of good sex. Practice is a much better way to learn.
@whotakethmycoke@xanga - you can also spit and slurp while using ur fingers to hit the g-spot in a "come here" motion this has never failed for me (recieving or giving) ..at least not yet lol
Good article via the link there (even though it's super long). Know of any equivalent for fellatio?
Eh, I've been self-concious about recieving since I lost my virginity. Satisfaction aside, it's humiliating so I don't often let it happen. That being said, I am very giving but even though I don't exactly want it, I get seriously pissed off if a guy expects me to blow him and isn't at least willing to return the favor (I may decline 9 times out of 10, but just offering makes me feel special lol).
Great post, I hope more guys read it!
@another_diamond_in_the_rough@xanga - I know the comment wasn't directed toward me, but I've been reading Cosmo for so long that I used to be the virgin in high school that all my friends went to for the best sex tips (which to this day, they still do). If the post author doesn't get back to you, let me know if I can help at all!
I agree 110%!
@nyxievo@xanga - What you doing tonight? *wink* : )
I've only dated one guy that sucked ass at it. The rest, awesome. These are good tips, though.