Tuesday, 26 January 2010

• Want to Look Like A Badass? Try Crystal Meth...

  

  "Your Face on Meth"

  (Source)
  

  Well, here's an idea that backfired.  Mendecino Country Sherrif Tom Allman had seen too many young people's lives ruined by the ravages of methamphetamines.  He was was determined to do something to help save the lives of youth in his community, and the country.  So Allman developed a computer program that takes the faces of teens, and alters them to show the effects of a severe meth habit.

  Called FACE2FACE, "your face on meth", Allman believes his program will be sucessful by targeting "the vanity of teenagers", and scaring them off of meth for good.
  

  We here at Mancouch were given exclusive access to a demonstration of Allman's technology at a local High School.  The results weren't so much life-alteringly terrifying, as they were really, really cool.
  

  In order to break the ice and establish a rapport with the group of young people, the first "victim" of the Face2Face software was guidance counselor Geoffery Bridges.  Students, who know Mr. Bridges for his horrible puns and generally bookish demeanor, were surprised to find that three years of constant Crystal Meth use would turn him from bearded academic to grizzled character straight out of a Grand Theft Auto video game.

  
  

  Guidance Counselor Mr. Bridges, Before and After Severe Meth Habit
  

  (Source)

  
  "Cool," shouted sophomore Joseph "Woody" Wooderson, class clown and all-around goofball, "lemme try!"  As Wooderson's photograph was being taken by the digital camera, Allman explained the ravaged of methampetamines to the group of gathered teens.  "Now as we take this young man's photograph and then put it through the program, you'll see simulation of what two years of sustained meth abuse does to to your appearance.  You'll start to lose your hair, your skin droops, lesions start opening on your face.  Really terrible stuff."  The students were surprised then, when Wooderson's results were projected on the big screen.  It seems that over the course of his addiction, the only things that would happen to Wooderson would be long thin sores, as well as an inexplicably elongated chin.

   

  Sophomore Woody Wooderson, Before and After Meth Addiction Turns Him Into Jay Leno

  (Source)

  Senior Julie Ditmars was next, who by all accounts doubles both as "star volleyball player" and "a totally frigid bitch".  Julie, upon seeing that methamphetamines would make her appear even more terrifyingly unfriendly and therefore completely physically unappealing to the opposite sex, burst into tears.  Allman, deciding to strike while the coals were still hot, informed her that in addition to her horrifying appearance, a year of meth would no doubt nip her promising volleyball career in the bud. A sobbing Ditmars was escorted from the room, vowing to lay off methamphetamines in favor of HGH and steroids, whose only side effects would be to further deepen her voice, and aid the growth of the hair which no doubt already covers her chest.
  

  
  

  Senior Julie Ditmars, scary with or without methamphetamines
  

  (Source)

  Junior Aaron Andrews, Dave Matthews Band fan and self-described "bro", was the final subject of Allman's simulation.  Nobody in the class was shocked to find that meth would only hasten Andrews' path towards becoming an emaciated and grizzled sex offender.  For his part, Andrews only concern was that his appearance may effect his chances at rushing his brother's fraternity over at Eastern. 
  

   

  Junior Aaron Andrews, Dave Matthews Fan/Sex Offender

  With that, the bell rang and class was dismissed.  We got a chance to talk with Allman after the students filed out of the classroom.  With a big sigh Allman conceded that, "addiction to methamphetamine is over 90 percent after the first-time use".   Brightening, he continued, "My goal is to just stop that first-time use. I can tell you that the software is having more of a positive effect than anything that I've ever been involved with on the drug fight."

  Only time will tell if Allman's efforts will be a success for the students that gathered here today.  Though Mancouch cameras did catch several students huffing from bags containing both glue and paint in an alley behind the school.  After briefly considering turning them in, we here at Mancouch concluded our day by huffing right along with them.

  For Mancouch Evening News, this is Rizzo reporting.

  Thanks to NPR for the real story.
  

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