Everyone here has heard their grandparents say something racist at some point.
Or maybe something not even like completely racist, but very unsavory. Something that just doesn't sound right. Or something that is completely innocent, but is said in a way that just seems to be filled with racist subtext. As in, "Why is it whenever grandpa says rice I suddenly feel unclean?"
You're not alone.
Part of it is simply that times have changed. The way they view race is completely off by modern standards. So that even if they think they are saying something progressive it ends up being completely repugnant. They are stuck in an outdated paradigm.
Another part of it is simply that a greater percentage of people were just damn racists. While admitting racism was never in vogue, the social stigmas associated with racist acts, comments, and thoughts simply weren't around to pound out the racist teachings of the previous generation.
Not that racism is gone today. In fact, far too many (white) people underestimate the devastating effects that racism is still having on our society, but that isn't the point of this post.
The point is that in these situations, where grandparents say something we find reprehensible, we all react the same way. Sinking to the back of our chair, cringing silently, and shaking our heads, mixed with mortification and maybe some gentle prodding to be slightly more considerate in the future. But for the most part we are frozen.
We don't really call them on their BS because
1) At this point they've kinda earned it
2) There isn't anything we can say that's going to change things
3) We're shocked into submission (hearing something so unexpected can be jarring)
4) As the grandchild they spoiled us and let us have all the candy we wanted while our parents said "no." So if our parents said any of the things our grandparents say we'd go off on them, but out grandparents we spoil and let them have all the racism they want (while shaking our head in disbelief and sad)
We forgive situations like pulling up behind a car with Mexican plates and our grandfather saying that they should waterproof the car and when we ask "why," he says, "because it's full of wetbacks."
Even if my silence is tacit approval of saying something I find disturbing, I can't help it. What can I do?
What do you do when your grandparents say something racist?
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Comments (68)
My Dad is like that. Really racist against black people. I tell him he's jealous because black men have giant wangs.
I've talked about this to my mom. People of my grandparents generation were raised at a time when racism was acceptable so mom says they're set in their ways & dont see sometimes how things are now. I dont accept racism but I accept that that's their ways & we're different. Not everyone is like that but a fair few I've met. My family is a grab bag too so I've literally hear everything. One of my aunt asked me once why I had so many spanish & asian friends when I was a kid & I told her I didnt notice they were different races, I noticed they were nice & respect me, that's why we're all friends.
That doesnt stop me from calling them out on something though & they end up calling me something because I'm young. Each generation gets better though.
I'm black, but my grandmother isn't racist against white people. She's viciously racist against Hispanics. I have no idea how or why she is either. I try to catch her on it but she just glosses over the subject and moves on.
My grandpa is, but so is my dad. However, you're right about calling out parents and not grandparents.
Can't teach an old dog new tricks. My grandmother is extremely stubborn, and racist against everyone including our own kind; our own family! I only speak up and shut them up when we are in public, other than that, like you said they've earned it. long live granny!
I used to just laugh my butt off when that happened, especially when grandpa got to talking about the "goddamn Japs and Krauts"
my grandpa doesn't like the hispanic population around where he lives (Arkansas). And he only calls black people nig----... even though he generally likes black people. O_o' otherwise he's not that racist (if it's on a sliding scale), if that makes any sense. He doesn't mind the hispanic pop. where we live (Minnesota). My grandma isn't racist whatsoever. :) I have no idea about the other half of my family. My dad always corrects him when he says the N one... and he's always like "god damn, i did it again." I just change the topic.
Well, my grandmother makes little comments that I'm kind of shocked by at times. I will flat out ask her what makes her say that, and why. Then she'll just be like, 'Oh no no, I didn't mean it THAT way,' when it's obvious she did. She just won't flat out say it, I guess.
my grandpa's a little bit racist against pretty much everybody (i was shocked that he didn't comment on the fact that my prom date was black), but mostly Muslims/Arabs. it's understandable, i guess ... my family's Jewish, and he grew up when Israel was fighting to become a state, so i guess it's natural to be prejudiced against the "enemy." he calls them "savages" :/. i just cringe a little bit and try to ignore it. it's always said in private, so i figure that as long as it's not hurting anybody, i'll let him express his beliefs. i still feel uneasy about it, though.
My grandma (who is the nicest woman on the face of the earth) doesn't have a racist bone in her body. My grandpa (RIP!) was racist as all hell and mean too. How the match making gods put them together; I still have no idea!
I kind of find the things my grandpa says funny. It's hard not to laugh because he'll be being serious about something, and he will use the "N" word.
My grandma had a dog named the "N" word a long time ago.
@excruciatingperfection@xanga - I'm Mexican and my grandmother is viscously racist against blacks. I've tried to call her out on it, but my Spanish is too terrible to even communicate with her properly. =_= . I find a lot of racism among minorities against other minorities. It's pretty unnerving.
@tunatacosryumi@xanga - My father is sightly racist but the thing that ticks me off is that he is also racist agianst his own kind, Cambodians. He's encountered so many bad ones his whole lfe who took advantage of him so I guess I could understand his hate, but I wouldn't hate my own race. I agree with your point about racism within minorities. I fail to understand why they would judge each other for their race when they themselves get judged for it.
my grandparents are Arab so there is sometimes some Jew hating that goes on, which makes me cringe and I usually just leave the room. But I kind of understand their frustration. And my grandmother is ridiculously nice but does not like black people. That got awkward when I brought my black boyfriend home to meet them. yikes. And I remember calling my dad out one time because he called natives "Indians". You just have to accept it because they are stuck in their ways!
My grandparents have actually said nothing of the sort.
this is sooo true. i think old people r just discriminators anyway. because they still live in the old times, they think everyone else will agree with the old beliefs. it's typical.
my parents sometimes come out with shocking things, as do their peers. but i think most of them are down to misunderstandings as my parents are a younger generation....let's hope when we r their age, things will be a lot different. because let's face it, grandparents are old...
I live in the US and everybody is racist in here, that's part of their culture!
Grandparents are totally racisist. Or atleast mine are, but over the generations racisism in my family has significantly gone down. When one of my grandparents say something racist I tend to do exactly what your list says..
i wouldn't call out grandparents. trying to convince an elderly person of something just sounds painful. however, it really bothers me when friends or people my age say something blatantly racist, i'm always so surprised. like i understand making jokes because i'm all for making fun of everybody (regardless of race), but sometimes i'll hear someone say something i'd be ashamed to hear my grandma say, and it's like, i wasn't aware people actually still thought like that. grow up.
i totally agree . they grew up in a time where whites still hated blacks & vice versa :| but my parents are ridiculously racist against blacks a lotta times . . . ironically , they ARE black .
@Shimmerbodycream - LOL!
my mom is sorta rascist...i don't know why, but sometimes she'll use the N word, and i'll tell her never to say that word again and its very rascist. she's also sorta racist to muslims. she also had a pet peeve against interacial couples *sighs* i'm not racist though, i'm color blind.
My grandparents (my dad's parents and my mom's mom are still alive) don't seem racist at all. I think it also has to do with where/how they were raised. My dad's parents grew up in Chicago, so there were a lot of people from different races in the city where they lived. My mom's family is from Kentucky, where most people seem to be white, or at least in the small town where my family's from. It worries me that, a couple summers ago, my uncle and several other older relatives in my family agreed that Obama was the anti-Christ. They also used the "n" word when referring to him. I was, indeed, shocked. More about the anti-Christ part, though, honestly.
But I know they grew up in a different time and people get stuck in their ways. Still a little uncomfortable to listen to, though. :/
I don't really like how you added "(white)" in there. It's certainly not just white people. I know some blacks and even a small number of Asians who are racist towards white people, or others. And there must be other races that are racist against other races, but these are just the ones I know.
When my grandparents (or parents) say something like that, I don't say anything, because I know there's nothing that will change, and because if I do, I will just out how ignorant they are because they don't see anything wrong at all with the comment they've just made.
Like how my dad said if I ever brought a black guy home to meet him, he'd shoot him. And I'm not even sure if he was exaggerating or not. I cried when he said that. In that instance, I DID say something, unlike usual. I asked him if he could hear himself, if he could hear how bad that sounded, and he said no, "races shouldn't mix." He wouldn't give me an even close to valid reason why.
And I don't believe that they've "earned it" because of the things they give us that our parents don't. That's total bull. When they're wrong, they're wrong.
It's difficult to change someone after they've reached 80! It's not pleasant. It's not right, but what can we do. They grew up in a different environment and have a totally different set of experiences that inform how they view the world. Whether they are homophobic or racists, It's still important to respect our elders even if we vehemently oppose their opinions. They are not going to change at this stage of the game, so all we can do is focus on their positive qualities and on the things they can still teach us.