This Tortoise Was a Sex Machine

Tuesday, 08 December 2009

This Tortoise Was a Sex Machine

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This is Kiki. Kiki was a giant tortoise from the Seychelles, but made his home at a zoo in Paris, France. Kiki died today at the ripe old age of 146. The Zoo and the Parisian public mourn the passing of Kiki, and they will always remember him for his charm and "demonstrative lovemaking".
Wait, what?
Yeah, you read that right. Kiki was an animal (literally) in the sack. At the time of his death, Kiki weighed a whopping 550 lbs, which he lugged around in dogged pursuit of literally any female, or anything he could get his rocks off with. A vet working at the Zoo claimed she saw Kiki once humping a wheelbarrow.
Not to mention that when he really got going, his grunts could be heard in nearly all parts of the zoo.
Yowza.
It just goes to show you that even at the advanced age of 146 years old, there is still a time and a place for good old fashioned tortoise-on-wheelbarrow action.
R.I.P. Kiki, you were an inspiration to us all.
So couchers, will you still be humping away at 146 years of age? Let's hear it...

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haha...that was good....I hope I am long dead before I hit 146
- 12/8/2009 7:53 PM
- macphoto@xanga (message)
- reply
No one's private parts will be functioning at the age of 146. The only things that will be on our minds (if we don't have Alzheimer's) is "Damn it, I shat myself again. Where the FUCK is that nurse?!"
- 12/8/2009 8:02 PM
- HippocreneQueen@xanga (message)
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Bahaha
- 12/8/2009 8:02 PM
- forever_4_real@xanga (message)
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RIP Kiki
- 12/8/2009 8:04 PM
- M_E_M_O_I_R@xanga (message)
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Oh, Kiki. You'll be humping away in tortoise heaven. Just don't wake up the neighbors.
- 12/8/2009 8:07 PM
- salvatruca_stalking_havok13@xanga (message)
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that was one badass tortoise.
- 12/8/2009 8:19 PM
- MissPixieGlitter@xanga (message)
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The viagra-free tortoise version of hugh hefner. May he rest in peace.
- 12/8/2009 8:24 PM
- ShimmerBodyCream@xanga (message)
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Of course he was a sex machine. He needed to make up for his name being Kiki. Same with Hitler's father, his name sounded like a product of a strudel company run by elderly woman.
- 12/8/2009 8:48 PM
- Spontaneous_Affection@xanga (message)
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lol that was so cute :)
- 12/8/2009 9:52 PM
- calisartangel16@xanga (message)
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@HippocreneQueen@xanga - correction: hugh hefner's private parts will still be humping away at the ripe age of 146.
- 12/9/2009 12:10 AM
- supaflychikn@xanga (message)
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hahaha cutee horny little tortoiseee
- 12/9/2009 12:57 AM
- AngelStarr@xanga (message)
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I love those animals! They're so cute hehe.
- 12/9/2009 1:24 AM
- xjadersx@xanga (message)
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When you go around with a mobile home, you want to hump all the time too.
- 12/9/2009 1:55 AM
- Man (message)
- reply
Hahaha. Right on for KiKi. Lol<3 addy
- 12/9/2009 4:23 AM
- Jada2@xanga (message)
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@macphoto@xanga - Beauty and truth never dies:)
- 12/9/2009 4:59 AM
- PeaceSearcher@xanga (message)
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Ol' humpback was born to hump.
- 12/9/2009 6:07 AM
- Starlite@datingish (message)
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:)
- 12/9/2009 11:21 AM
- Zlamanakobieta@xanga (message)
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Tortoises are so loud when they do it! I didn't even know they could vocalize before someone sent me a video of two of them going at it!
- 12/9/2009 1:08 PM
- black_lie@xanga (message)
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I'll be old, I won't be DEAD ;)

Awww Kiki
- 12/9/2009 3:24 PM
- KristenWolfe@xanga (message)
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hell yea i'll be like kiki except i'll live to 199!
- 12/9/2009 3:54 PM
- Saelee2009@xanga (message)
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Master Humpback Tortoise passed away but his teaching will live on forever. :0
- 12/9/2009 4:44 PM
- wulfcry@xanga (message)
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My boyfriend had recorded a video of his two male and famale turtles having sex and man, those little things were LOUD! haha
- 12/9/2009 8:32 PM
- zockonzockon@xanga (message)
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hehehehe turtle sex.

and no, I will be peacefully retired haha
- 12/9/2009 10:47 PM
- CMWINK@xanga (message)
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i didn't even know tortoises can grunt..and the whole zoo heard it? damn!
- 12/10/2009 1:56 AM
- nooitzben@xanga (message)
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As a chick, I only hope my SO will be at least half as horny as Kiki when he gets older!!

The world will miss this awesome sexual force!!
- 12/10/2009 2:16 AM
- lyrical_musing@xanga (message)
- reply