Saturday, 28 November 2009

• The 5 Worst Traits of Coworkers

   

  In my last post I wrote that I would outline the top five criteria for punching a coworker; then I realized I am not a violent person.  The only time I can advocate any sort of violence is when it is directed towards my friends.  They wholeheartedly deserve it. 

  I cannot in good conscience condone or promote reasons for punching a coworker.  There are two simple reasons why I cannot:

  One, it is really wrong to punch a coworker as it will only lead to bad things for all parties involved. And two, I really don’t give a crap about work.  I am not even remotely passionate enough while at work to even consider it. 

  When I am at work I am always thinking about something else.  It is actually amazing that I get anything done.

  All that being said; there are still a ton of douche bags out there and I am going to call these suckers out!
  

  Here are the Top 5 Worst Traits of Coworkers:

  5) Bad Breath 

  
  

  You know who you are.  They invented mints and mint flavored gum for a reason, fucking use it.  I think this category has gotten so bad, that the people in the mint and gum manufacturing industries had to compete to make the strongest and longest lasting gum/mints on the market place.  The last piece of gum I chewed held it’s flavored for like 14 hours. 

  It is either that or the people that worked at the gum/mint place reported to a dude that had really bad breath and they were just trying to drop him a hint.  “Hey, Bob we just created a mint out of pure spearmint that lasts for four days, here why don’t you try one.” As everyone in the room snickers behind Bob’s back; Problem solved!)

   4) The Premature Sports Coat wearer

  
  

  If you are not a Partner or over the age of 40, you should never, and I mean never, wear a sports coat.  You look like a freaking retard.  I also want to lump in any dude (partner or over 40 included) that wears a sports coat with a polo shirt.  That is a fashion disaster.  It looks terrible.  You need to either go with the business look or go casual, do not mix both.

  I also hate the businesses that think it is okay to institute business attire in this day and age.  Wearing a suit to work is absurd and there is no need for it.  It only makes the workforce want to quit and it makes for an even more hostile workplace.  Let people be comfortable, it is the least you can do for your employees.  (If I ever own a company, it will be mandatory valor sweat suits and valor shorts in the summer.)

  3) The Bow Tie Wearer

  
  

  You are a douche bag.  This doesn’t look good on anybody.  You look ridiculous and you annoy everyone that walks by you.  

  2) The Go-Getter/Ass Kisser

  
  

  You know who you are; The person that feels the need to work overtime when it is not necessary and the person who sucks up to every person in a position of authority. 

  Hey, I hate working overtime but sometimes it is necessary.  I am not talking about the occasional overtime, or overtime throughout busy season, or overtime for hourly employees.  We all have to do what we have to do to get shit done and get paid. 

  I am talking about the person that sits at his/her desk doing nothing all day, then their boss arrives unexpectedly and they all of the sudden become ‘busy’ and stay late until their boss leaves. 

  Sometimes it feels like a waiting game, to see who can stay the latest and there is no need for it.  You are not productive at 10 o’clock at night.  No one is. 

  If I find myself locked in a conference room with three other guys, and I get the sense that this is going to occur.  I will fake a phone call to myself and bolt out of there.  I only work overtime when necessary, other than that you are lucky to get two hours a day from me.

  Hey, I admire these people, they are ambitious and they usually move up the latter pretty quickly.  There are a few people at my work that I really like, they are really cool, and I find that they do this to get ahead. 

  I want to pull them aside and tell them to enjoy life.  Go to happy hour, go to the gym, spend some quality time with your family.  Be anywhere but work.  You will be much happier.  I have seen what the go-getters look like when they get older.  They look miserable.  Enjoy life people, drink and be merry! 

  Flying under the radar is the only way to live.  Don’t set your goals too high, you will either have to work really hard to achieve those goals, or you won’t achieve them and you will disappoint yourself.  Set the bar low, it is the only way to go. 

  I’ve saved the best for last:
  

  1) The Question Asker

  
  

  I really hate these people.  There is always one in the group.  You find yourself in a training or new hirer orientation or a mandatory meeting and all you want to do is get the fuck out of dodge.  You stare at the clock from 9 o’clock in the morning until 3:30, wishing the time to go by. 

  Then the instructor shows signs of life as he or she is about the wrap the training up, and some douche bad raises their hand and asks the stupidest fucking question.  (Sometime they ask more than one, which is unbelievable.)

  I have a point for the question asker’s of the world – no one gives a shit that you asked a question.  As a matter of fact, people make mental notes to avoid you in the future.  It is a detriment to your advancement within the company.  You are the most annoying person in the room, congrats! 

  The Partner, Managers, Vice Presidents, Presidents, CFO’s, CEO’s and even the Instructors want to get the freak out of there.  These people either want to go home, or maybe back to the hotel to catch a cat nap before heading out, or they want to head to the bar and get their drink on and you are the only thing standing in there way.  PLEASE STOP THIS INSANITY!
  

  URL: http://www.waltsense.com/home/2009/11/23/the-five-worst-traits-of-coworkers.html

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