Open Letter to Axe Deodorant

Tuesday, 10 November 2009

Open Letter to Axe Deodorant

Dear Axe,

I am writing in response to a series of commercials for your product, Axe Deodorant Body Spray. These commercials demonstrate something known as “The Axe Effect”. This “Axe Effect” occurs when the subject sprays Axe Deodorant Body Spray on his chest and armpits, which causes women in the vicinity to go crazy with lust and promptly remove all their clothing. Other instances of “The Axe Effect” have shown women chasing the user for miles, fighting over the user, as well as several instances of stopping in the user in middle of a public place, gyrating their hips and repeating the phrase “Bow-Chicka-Wow-Wow” over and over.

I am a 24-year-old male. I am not what you would call a hunk. I wear glasses, I don’t have a job, and I still live in my parents’ basement. My past experiences with members of the opposite can be described as “unfortunate” at best.

This Thursday evening, while watching reruns of “The X-Files” on the Sci-Fi channel, I saw several of your commercials. This was my ticket to success. With Axe Deodorant Body Spray and the ever-potent “Axe Effect” I would render myself irresistible to all females within smelling distance.

Emboldened, I ventured to my local pharmacy. I picked up not only Axe Deodorant Body Spray, but also a whole host of Axe products, Axe Shower Gel, Axe Antiperspirant, Axe Shampoo, and Axe Hair Gel. I went home and applied liberal amounts of each, in accordance with your motto, “Spray More, Get More.” I left my house full of confidence in myself, and your product.

Which brings me to the point of my letter. Despite the fact that I was wearing enough Axe Deodorant Bodyspray to kill a small horse, I saw no evidence of the so-called “Axe Effect.” All women I saw kept their clothes on. Not a single female chased me, let alone looked at me. There were no fights between women trying to tear my clothes off. And not a single lady so much as uttered the words “bow-chicka-wow-wow,” even though the can of spray I purchased claimed to contain extra “bow-chicka-wow-wow.” The only communication I had with a member of the opposite sex came when a girl accidentally bumped me on my way to the bathroom to apply more Axe. She said, and I quote, “you smell like a taxi-cab air freshener.”

I am writing this letter today to voice how truly let down I feel by your company. There is no such thing as “The Axe Effect.” It is just a clever trick used to dupe desperate men into buying your product. I demand not only a refund, but also an apology. You lied to me.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go. I have just purchased a bar of Irish Spring Soap and there are no doubt 3 gorgeous giggling redheads waiting for me in the shower. Good day.
Sincerely,
Rizzo

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LMAO!
- 11/10/2009 3:42 PM
- joyouswind@xanga (message)
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axe stinks but it wuzza funny post
- 11/10/2009 3:43 PM
- pansybradshaw@xanga (message)
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XD...wait. I use Irish Spring Soap. Where are my redheads? :(
- 11/10/2009 3:45 PM
- salvatruca_stalking_havok13@xanga (message)
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May not be accurate, but whoever developed those commercials is a smart (and probably super rich) person. They knew what would attract the average guy to the product!
- 11/10/2009 3:46 PM
- Roadlesstaken@xanga (message)
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@salvatruca_stalking_havok13@xanga - I want to know that too! =P
- 11/10/2009 3:52 PM
- xjadersx@xanga (message)
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Many young men believe that "Spray more, get more" line. Which is why whenever I pass a group of young highschool boys on the sidewalk, I'm gassed with the stench of ten different kinds of Axe deodorant body spray. These young boys seem to think two things: it's acceptable to skip actual anti-perspirant and just use bodyspray, and not just "pits to chesty" they abuse the term "Jersey shower" and empty an entire can on their scrawny, hairless pre-pubescent body. Against Axe.
- 11/10/2009 3:53 PM
- summer_soda_like@xanga (message)
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lmao... the wonders of Irish Springs Soap
- 11/10/2009 4:10 PM
- xDark_horizonx@xanga (message)
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um. i love you rizzo :)
- 11/10/2009 4:11 PM
- osajubilee@xanga (message)
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Those commercials are hilarious. Of course it won't happen, but it's still funny. :P They have to sell it somehow. Honestly, though, I do kinda like the smell of Axe. Just not when you use the whole can at once. Although I may be referring to something that I have smelled that isn't Axe. Hmm... Well anyway, the point is, Axe lies. :D
- 11/10/2009 4:12 PM
- IntheGoldenWest@xanga (message)
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i lol'd when the video showed a bunch of asians swimming across the ocean.
- 11/10/2009 4:45 PM
- cornyonacob@xanga (message)
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HAHAHA. i hate those Axe commercials.
- 11/10/2009 4:51 PM
- midnightblu3@xanga (message)
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HAHA! Nice! This is major reason why I am on Mancouch, hilarious stuff like this! ^_^
- 11/10/2009 4:52 PM
- imTHEmeowMIXcat@xanga (message)
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The glorious sight of ladies in bikinis running like maniacs distracted me from the blog.
- 11/10/2009 4:58 PM
- EltonxEvermore@xanga (message)
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That was always my dream with Axe. Then I saw this and reconsidered.
- 11/10/2009 5:48 PM
- crazygrampastuey@xanga (message)
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Seriously, try Irish Spring. That scent drives me wild when my guy uses it.
- 11/10/2009 5:55 PM
- Kaythan@xanga (message)
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As long as you smell clean, it doesn't matter which product.
- 11/10/2009 6:19 PM
- Meowmeowkimmaee@xanga (message)
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Giddy up!

That's funny, and yet true. In my experience, it is best to smell clean.

I can say I have never attracted an Axe Girl... I doubt they really exist. It's all CGI trickery. The girls you are looking for (really) are the one's who like the smell of money and sportscars.

But you might luck out, there are girls out there who like geeky/nerd guys. I'm not judging, I'm just sayin'.

Good luck, Bro!
- 11/10/2009 6:41 PM
- blufrogz37@xanga (message)
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I hate Axe commercials, not to mention their products smell like absolute crap.
- 11/10/2009 6:54 PM
- Lulabell_88@xanga (message)
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@summer_soda_like@xanga - So true!
- 11/10/2009 9:25 PM
- SoccerStar59777@xanga (message)
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it's all in moderation people! I sprayed a little when my girlfriend was around she told me she was wet from the scent O_O
- 11/10/2009 9:36 PM
- ChOcOChObO@xanga (message)
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Fuck all this noise, can anyone loan me a can of tag?
- 11/10/2009 9:58 PM
- Rizzo (message)
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Read the ingredients on an axe spray. I am used the stuff as a spider killer - and it is amazing how effective it is!

Axe does not attract females, it merely helps the guys out who do NOT shower. It covers up their B.O. long enough for a guy to buy her a beer.
- 11/10/2009 10:17 PM
- TransportPhenomena@xanga (message)
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I prefer my hubby to wear old spice o...oooooo yeah I would chase and have chased my hubby because of the amount of old spice he was wearing
axe...doesn't do anything for me....
- 11/10/2009 10:45 PM
- bethb031409@xanga (message)
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@TransportPhenomena@xanga - I'll tell you what, a buddy of mine used to use Windex to kill Spiders in his basement. But axe, wow, that really takes the cake.
- 11/10/2009 11:11 PM
- Rizzo (message)
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honestly all I saw in that commercial were thousands of bouncing boobs. it's all lies though. damnit.
- 11/10/2009 11:16 PM
- NoHeroesForTomorrow@xanga (message)
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