Friday, 06 November 2009

• Megan Fox is Ugly

   
  

  
  

  According virtually everyone, Megan Fox is the sexiest woman alive.

  I am here to call bullshit. Not only do I not think Megan Fox is the sexiest woman alive, I also think that Megan Fox is (gasp) unattractive.

  Like, really unattractive.

  There, I said it. Megan Fox is unattractive, and I'd rather date Serena Williams. Now, before all of you Megan Fox-loving meat heads start looking up my address and sharpening your pocketknives, give me a chance to plead my case.

  Let's break it down.
  

  1.) She looks like a huge bitch

  In most photographs I've seen of Megan Fox, she isn't smiling. Or if she is smiling, she's doing kind of this like, half-hearted, you-know-you-want-me smile. I don't really dig that.

  Unlike most of the points I'm going to make in this post, this one can at least be semi-backed up by facts. Following the release of Transformers II, three crew members wrote an open letter to Megan Fox, which director Michael Bay posted on his website. Among the absolutely top notch disses include this little tidbit "She’s as about ungracious a person as you can ever fathom. She shows little interest in the crew members around her... she’s absolutely never appreciative of anyone’s hard work." Ouch. Or how about this bad boy? "Megan really is a thankless, classless, graceless, and shall we say unfriendly bitch."

  Wowza. So there you have it folks, right from the, err, horse's(?) mouth.

  2.) She is Uncomfortably Skinny

  It's really, really hard for me to find women who are very skinny attractive. And Megan Fox is very, very skinny.

  I don't usually like to criticize peoples weight, because it's a sensitive issue either way. I just feel like the idolization of Megan Fox fosters an unhealthy attitude towards body weight. Because Megan Fox is so widely portrayed as "the sexiest woman alive", it might lead other young women to try and emulate her body type; and that could get very dangerous.

  Trust me, the two ladies who read this website. Men love women that come in all shapes and sizes. Whatever you are, it's probably just fine for me. Unless you are Megan Fox, and then, well, you suck.

  3.) She Looks Like A Tramp

  Again, probably overgeneralizing here, but she has like five tattoos. When I see a woman with that many tattoos, it's an immediate turnoff. It makes me think that she is a tramp. I know, I know, she's a liberated woman who is not afraid to make statements with her body art.

  Whatever, she's a tramp.

  Her numerous tattoos include a yin-yang, a poem about a broken heart, her boyfriend's name, and a Chinese character for the word "strength". I will repeat that, a Chinese character for the word strength. She's not even freaking Chinese. She can't read that word. For all she knows that tattoo says "I'm a tramp" in Chinese, and that's why every time she walks down the street people who can read Chinese laugh at her.

  Christ.

  4.) She Is a Liar

  In 2008 and Megan Fox told a story to GQ Magazine, in which she attempted to enter into a relationship with a female stripper. Naturally, idiot men everywhere ate that shit right up. Then, a year later, in Elle magazine, she confessed that the story was mostly false. And I quote, "They’re boys; they’re easily toyed with, I tell stories and have them eating out of my hand. Not all of it is true. In fact, most of it is bullshit."

  Urgh! That's really, really infuriating to me. Megan Fox, I am a boy. I don't think it is even the slightest bit sexy that you made up a story in which you tried to woo a female stripper. I don't care. What were you doing in the strip club to begin with? Oh, that's right, being a bitchy, uncomfortably skinny, lying tramp.

  Men everywhere, this is your fault, our fault. We have created this talentless, unattractive media-whoring monster. It stops here. I know I am not the only one. Let us join together and put an end to this travesty.
  

  Let's hear it in the comments section, shout it out loud and proud.  No more Megan Fox! No more Megan Fox!

  Give me one second to prepare myself to be crucified by virtually everyone that visits this website...  Wait for it... Ok, I'm ready, GO.

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