If you have the luxury of viewing this website on a laptop computer, I suggest you take a stroll over to the nearest toilet and take a seat. I guarantee it will be beneficial to reading and understanding the rest of this post. I'll wait ...
....
You there? Good.
Ahhh, the toilet. Go ahead, take a little wiggle. Feels good, doesn't it? Strong, sturdy, never gonna let you down. Forget the Sistine Chapel, forget Stonehenge. This, this is it. Man's greatest achievement. Our enduring testament to the gods of porcelain. It's all been downhill from here.
I'd like to take a moment to identify and explain all the ways this wonderful invention has enriched our lives.
First and foremost, the toilet is a seat. In the bathroom. It makes it so you are able to sit. In the bathroom. You know what's so great about that?
Nobody else can come in the bathroom. That's right, it's the only room in the house that offers complete and utter privacy. The toilet seat is quite literally the best seat in the house.
Second, due to it's private location, the toilet is ideal for thinking. Einstein worked almost exclusively from the toilet. Pablo Picasso painted Guernica with his pants down. Hell, Stephen Hawking's wheelchair actually
is a toilet. Take it from these great men, there is nothing more conducive to great thought then a nice long sit on the ol' throne.
Another great part about the toilet, which you probably know because you are sitting on it; the toilet is comfortable. I'm serious, I think it is the most comfortable place on the planet. When I was in high school, I used to spend hours sitting on the toilet reading. It's design helps me keep a good posture. On a normal chair, after about 45 minutes I start to get restless and I start wiggling around. On the commode, the only wiggling I do is for particularly pesky hangers-on.
Finally, the best part about the toilet is that it disposes waste. I mean, that is it's primary function, the rest of the stuff is just icing on the cake. And man, what a good job it does. I'm looking around right now and I don't see any piles of poop. Nobody is flinging feces out of open windows and out onto the street. Nope, the toilet is on top of it's game; taking all of our messy business out of sight, and out of mind.
Thank you, friend toilet. You have performed admirably throughout your many years of service to those of us in the western world. I wish you the best of luck in the coming years, and hope that my future visits are as enjoyable and entertaining for you as they are for me.
Loyal readers, on a scale from 1 to 10 (1 being boring and 10 being the greatest invention of all time), how awesome is the toilet?P.S. I just made a pooper!
Comments (29)
Deff a 10. I do some of my best thinking from there! LOL
Everyone needs the toilet. :) Definitely a 10.
Amen!!
Toilet. <3
Also, if a tornado hits your house, you're more likely to survive if you cling to the toilet.
It is pretty nice. I'd give it a 8 or so.
Bulimics rejoice.
"On the commode, the only wiggling I do is for particularly pesky hangers-on."
EWWWWWW.
This was disgusting and hilarious. 10
Of course its a 10! One day when I'm rich, I'm going to have a heated toilet...
10
definately 10.... strange, awkward post, but definately worth reading nonetheless...
this is so odd. i thought i was the only one who took a laptop to the crapper. :D awesome
Hmm ironic. Dad just said to me few minutes ago..and i quote..
" Shitting is one of the best pleasures in life! * goes on explaining why..* "
Guess this is something a girl like me will never understand.
haha you gotta be kidding..
10. but only if it's a nice porcelain throne.
i mean, no one likes to go number two in a public bathroom, right?
Did you know it's called the Crapper because a man named Thomas Crapper invented it? Oh yes.
And that little....nugget of info was learned thanks to free reading time in grade school. Yay literacy!
i came to appreciate the toilet a lot more when i moved to taiwan.. cuz in some restrooms all u have are squatty potties.. there's no comfortable seat u can do ur business on. :( i <3 the toilet.
10 for sure.
i have phone conversations with my best friend on the toilet, i read on the toiler, i surf the web on the toilet, etc.i love my loo.the toilet .. on the 1-10 scale is about a uhm..
12,437,546,918,546,275,461,800,000... yeah that seems about right :)
10 - lmao, this made my day.
Bow down to the astounding toilet!
10, definitely. my mom hates it when i'm on the toilet cuz i take forever, but honestly that's where i get all my boring reading and magazine reading done, along with a lot of other stuff, because once you're on the toilet, all you have is what you brought in with you, so NO DISTRACTIONS, like the videogame console or the internet...some of my most productive times are on the toilet =]
I love the toilet, always have and always will.
I find that my amount of time on the toilet is directly effected by how much I drank the night prior, or how much sriracha I used in my last meal
10 for me!
When I am constipating on the toilet I get to think what I was supposed to do for the day and scheme whatever. Lol xD
The toilet puts up with so much crap
10