I F**king Hate Capri Pants

Wednesday, 04 November 2009

I F**king Hate Capri Pants

(Source)
If you are a man and the pants that you are wearing stop in the middle of you calves, I want you to remove them, right now.
Once removed, you have a couple of options. If you are a cigarette smoker or a pyromaniac, take the lighter from out of your pocket, find a safe space away from anything flammable, and burn those motherfuckers straight to hell. If you don't have a lighter handy, I'd suggest finding a plastic bag. Any bag will do. Throw the pants in there with a couple of bricks, tie the whole thing off, and drive to your nearest large body of water. Rent a boat and drive out as far as you can. When you are sufficiently away from land, you may drop the brick-laden bag overboard.
If neither of these options work, you're on your own. I don't know, do something creative. Just make sure that you destroy those pants.
Never in my life has a fashion trend so enraged me as capri pants for men. I just don't get it. They're not pants, and they're not shorts. What the fuck are they? Shants? Count me out. The only practical application I see for capri pants would be in the middle of a minor flood in the basement. Then you know, sure, you don't want to get the bottom of your pants wet, I can understand that. But walking around in them in the middle of a nice day? No thank you.
I try to be an open-minded guy, I really do. But when it comes to capri pants, my mind is about as open as Alcatraz. I just can't do it. If I see a man walking down the street wearing a pair of Capri's it takes all of my self control not to walk up to him and kick him squarely in the balls. Hard. I don't usually wish that on anyone but my worst enemies, but for all capri pants-wearers out there, you are my worst enemies.
What is wrong with you? Why don't you just go out to the store and buy yourself a nice full length pair of jeans or Khaki's? Maybe you live in Subsaharan Africa, maybe it gets too hot. Fine, go to the nearest Target and buy yourself a pair of shorts. It's off-season so you can probably get them for less than 15 bucks. Please, I implore you. You're making our whole sex look bad.
Do you own a pair of capri pants? How do you defend your heinous actions?

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you mean they've finally figured out a way to sell "flood pants"? i'm glad i don't keep up with trends. then again, i witnessed the first round of platform shoes and polyester leisure suits. so at this point i'm pretty much inured against further damage. you can only gouge your eyes out so many times, you know.
- 11/4/2009 8:58 AM
- complicatedlight@xanga (message)
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Capri pants are never cool. On men or women.
- 11/4/2009 9:08 AM
- HippocreneQueen@xanga (message)
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Truthfully, capris look good on very few people. I don't believe I have ever seen manpris work.
- 11/4/2009 9:11 AM
- soobee72@xanga (message)
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Capri pants are a fear of commitment to shorts (both men and women). Furthermore, the high-water things that men call "shorts" are a fear of commitment to real shorts.

Let's show some leg guys!!! If the girls can do it so can we!!!
- 11/4/2009 9:21 AM
- mathematicalbagpiper@xanga (message)
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capri pants were probably one of the worst ideas in fashion in the longest time. honestly i cant believe they are still around after this many years of sucking
- 11/4/2009 9:47 AM
- twilighthunter@xanga (message)
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Take it from a chick, guys. Those pants make you look stupid. So does having your waist line go past your ass and showing your tighty-whiteys. Seriously, please stop looking like morons and dress like a REAL MAN!
- 11/4/2009 10:01 AM
- LydJaGillers@xanga (message)
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Get over it. Whinning on about something that you yourself do not even do makes you look like a douche.
- 11/4/2009 10:06 AM
- sarahb_86@xanga (message)
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Capri pants on men are a no.
Capri pants on women, I like. I'd rather wear capri pants than booty shorts.
- 11/4/2009 10:18 AM
- CrisaRei@xanga (message)
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This reminds me of one of Christopher Titus' rants from his Love is Evol tour (although his was about women wearing them). Something about all they do is make your legs look shorter, your ass look wider and tells guys you only shaved up to your knee. LOL.
- 11/4/2009 10:44 AM
- songbird27@xanga (message)
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LMAO. i completely agree. capri pants on guys = fashion disaster. its an eyesore.
- 11/4/2009 11:35 AM
- dearFLOPPY@xanga (message)
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I don't like capri pants either.On women or men. They just look like floods to me.
- 11/4/2009 11:46 AM
- xjadersx@xanga (message)
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HAHAHA... i had trouble at first with the capri pants for men but now it doesn't phase me. i don't know if we're talking about the same ones though. i'm thinking dress pants. the new style is to have your ankles show and not to wear socks. lol, ankle cleavage. it's not so bad and it's pretty airy, hahaha. but no other style has had me question it countless times before jumping on the band wagon.
- 11/4/2009 11:58 AM
- lot223@xanga (message)
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oh god i;d never EVER wear capris. EVER. they are not only stupid-looking but they actually make ur legs visually shorter!
- 11/4/2009 12:48 PM
- kaos_calle@xanga (message)
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@HippocreneQueen@xanga - very true. barf. I never knew what freaking shoes to wear with them. When my dad started asking me why my pants were too short i decided the capris had to go.
- 11/4/2009 1:11 PM
- sickk_boy@xanga (message)
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@mathematicalbagpiper@xanga - I played soccer for 15 years. I know about shorts, real shorts. Let me tell you something, men's shorts for the everyday should not come any higher than say 2-3 inches above the knee. I prefer mine right at the knee or just above, never up to the thigh.
I've showed enough leg to be considered a part time Vegas dancer, so no, I will wear my shorts past my thighs.
But on topic, I will not wear manpris. Ever. Ever. Never.
- 11/4/2009 1:22 PM
- mcmeister89 (message)
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I shudder every time I read the word "manpris".
Oh shit, I just did it again.
- 11/4/2009 2:04 PM
- Rizzo (message)
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Hahah. So this men's fashion trend is what outrages you the most, ever? Really now?? I mean, I concur it's pretty hellish awful, but I've seen much worse...
Let the idiots wear what they want..it in no way associates ALL men with capris. If anything, it makes you look better to the ladies in comparison, mm? ;D
- 11/4/2009 4:04 PM
- Shopgirl0393@xanga (message)
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That post made me laugh.
thank you.
xD
BTW - men should never wear capris. :x
- 11/4/2009 4:10 PM
- HisKeiki@xanga (message)
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i don't think men or women should wear capris-they're ugly and unflattering.
- 11/4/2009 4:38 PM
- soyeahthatswhathappened@xanga (message)
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" What the fuck are they? Shants? Count me out. " - LOL. I don't know if it's because I'm buzzed, but that made me laugh hella loud.
:3. I like this post. I agree with this post.
The same thing also goes for mandals.
- 11/4/2009 6:22 PM
- Bongflower@xanga (message)
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lmao
i agree completely
everytime i see a guy wearing them i shout man capris really loud and then laugh
thats probably mean but they just look really stupid.
- 11/4/2009 6:22 PM
- CoutureCarlee@lovelyish (message)
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I've never thought of high water pants as capris...capris are meant to stop at the knee...those look good on women, not men
- 11/4/2009 6:24 PM
- vegaskandigirl@xanga (message)
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Lol. What about high waters?
- 11/4/2009 7:00 PM
- shunny@xanga (message)
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lol. i thought those things already went out two years ago. there are people that still wear those? *shudder* =D
- 11/4/2009 7:17 PM
- ThePrince@xanga (message)
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hate them. HATE
- 11/4/2009 7:31 PM
- donatella_isabella@xanga (message)
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