Tuesday, 03 November 2009

• Underboob: The Final Frontier

   
  

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  If you have a pulse and are reading this website, I'd wager that you love boobs.  Love them.

  You are not alone.  Trust me.  Everyone loves boobs.  Everyone.  Men, women, boys, girls, babies.  You name it, they love it.

  However, I feel that there is one part of the boob that has yet to get it's due. That being the mysterious bottom portion of the boob, or as we'll call it today, the underboob.  Despite being a critically important part of the boob, it never receives as much credit or love as it's other flashier boob-brethren.

  But that all ends today.  Join me, as we venture into the vast unknown.  Into the world of the underboob, the final boob frontier.
  

  Now, in order for us to get to the bottom of this bottom-boob mystery, we have to identify the other types of boob first. Let us begin:

  1.)  Top/Cleavage. 
  This is the part of the boob that we see most often.  Cleavage is the most commonly excepted form of boob showing.  Women can show cleavage without fear of being ridiculed.  Nobody is calling anybody a tramp over a little bit of cleavage.  In fact, some women believe showing their cleavage is downright fashionable.  Cleavage is like the trailer to the motion picture.  It gives us just a taste of the main attraction, and makes us want to see the whole thing.

  2.)  Side/Sideboob
  This is the chosen boob showing vehicle for celebrities. The only reason anybody watches the Oscars is to catch a glimpse of some celebrity sideboob. For some reason this region has become the classiest portion of the jugs.  Many a dress has been designed to solely to expose a little sideboob.  I'd also argue that this is currently the most "in vogue" form of boob viewing at the moment.  A simple Google search will tell you all you need to know.

  3.)  Center/Nipple
  Well, this is it.  This is the holy grail.  I am pretty sure that 95 percent of things men are in the hopes of gaining access to this exclusive area of the boob.  There is a multi-billion dollar industry that was built on the, uhh, backs(?), of women showing their nipples.  Every titty-bar in the country advertises for it's topless dancers.  This is far and away the most well-loved part of the breast.

  Which brings us to the point of today's post.  The underboob is not nearly as well known, nor well appreciated as the other three regions.  You rarely see women walking around exposing the bottom part of their breasts.  There are no websites claiming to have exclusive pics of Lindsay Lohan's underboob.  And there certainly aren't any gentleman's clubs that are boasting live full frontal underboob shows.  What gives? Why no underboob love?

  My friends and I have been having this discussion since July.  We haven't been able to figure it out. We think that the underboob is under-appreciated, and that it is high time to give it its due.  We've had this conversation with our female friends as well.  They can't understand the fascination.  Sure they get the appeal of cleavage, of nipples, and even the occasional sideboob, but they think that underboob is silly and dumb.

  
  

  So, I put it to you, Mancouch readers, ladies and gentlemen alike: Is the underboob rightfully ignored or criminally undervalued?

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