Thursday, 22 October 2009
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Sexual Misadventures
Everyone has their sexual triumphs, their stories of conquest and glory which are, of course, manly. But these stories normally suck to hear. So, I thought I'd ask all you Mancouchers out there to man-up and admit those repressed, horrible, awkward, way-deep-down hidden stories. Perhaps getting caught by friends, family, or strangers doin' the nasty... with someone less than favorable. Maybe a few too many beers and that hump on the woman over there looked more and more like a boob to play with? Either way, I want to hear it and to coax yours out of their holes, I'll share a few of mine.
As far as embarrassing goes, this is maybe the worst I have. A few years ago, back in high school, I had a girlfriend who had a single mom. This mom worked a lot as is the norm. Of course, her house was usually where we hung out... and shagged. She also had two brothers, however, one of them about 16 and the other 12, who didn't always acknowledge privacy as they should. One night, we're in her room trying out new positions while her brothers are downstairs. At some point, her 16 year old brother comes up stairs, knocks on the door and apparently doesn't hear my girlfriend say "No! Don't come in!".
Her brother opens the door to his sister and I butt-ass naked on her bed. Now this is scarring enough, but what makes it a killer, we were in doggy-style... with my ass facing him. He essentially got an eye full of his sister in sinful ways and a whole lot of man-butt (which is never good). She had to talk to him to make sure he didn't tell their mom... I don't know if he ever looked at me the same way again.
This is the most recent and probably the funniest. Now, I don't know how many guys here are up on birth control, but there's these new little plastic rings that women actually insert inside themselves and it just chills in there and does its thing (making sure my college fund stays as a college fund). This really isn't a problem, sex still feels good, but quite frankly, if you're REALLY going at it... how can you expect that little bugger to stay in place. Anyways, my lady friend and I are getting a little adventurous and a little rougher. As it does sometimes, I pulled back too far and came out, but with a horrible surprise. My dick was WEARING HER BIRTH CONTROL.
I kid you not, it looked like my right-hand man put on a cock-ring by himself without my knowledge. It's a pretty weird feeling to go into a girl with one inanimate object on your penis but come out with two... I just say "Ahhh f*%$!!" and naturally, she looks down to see what's up. She sees what might be a hair tie on my dick and busts out laughing... for ten minutes. Ladies, you want to kill a mood quick? Laugh, laugh uncontrollably for ten minutes at something involving our penis. It does the trick. Game over. Night Done. Scared turtle after that.
Last one, and definitely my most shameful moment. I was visiting a friend at his university and he gives me the challenge "There is no bed for you here tonight, find somewhere else to sleep or you're a failure". A different friend says "If you can't go back to her place, just let me know". To shorten this up, I had a need and he had a futon. We get into it and she has her first orgasm, proceeds to orgasm all over the futon... I was a bit surprised, but I just thought "Ok, maybe the first one is intense for her." We keep going and roughly 10 O's later, I realize that this girl does it EVERY TIME she orgasms. We call it quits and we just look at the futon. It's soaked. Just... soaked. I have no idea what to do, I'm not sure how you explain to someone that a girl just drenched his futon in female ejaculate... especially when you don't go to the school. We dry what we can, Febreze it, and flip the mattress. I never heard anything about it.
So there it is Mancouchigans, those are my tales. What are your most embarrassing, funniest, or shameful sexual misadventures?
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- From: mcmeister89
- Name: mcmeister89
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Comments (42)
the time we (my husband who was just an isignificant bf then) got caught in the car by cops. my legs wrapped around his neck. the cop asking for our id's while shining the fucking flashlight on him. like they thought i was a minor.
a real man does not tell.
lol omg! that was tmi but hilarious anyways. i really havent had anything that bad happen to me... yet. lol
My first partner had a mom who was decidedly against the fact that her son had a sex drive. Since changing her mind about this would have just been awkward, sex at his house was a no go, and since I lived with Grandma and Grandpa, bringing him over to my house wouldn't have worked either. So, we did what any two horny, car-less, bed-less people do. Had sex at school.
We were in the back of a (supposedly) deserted classroom, getting it on, when somebody decides to come in early and study. I burst out laughing, accidentally, and he looked back, saw us, and then just as quickly pretended he hadn't seen anything. He shoved his earphones in further and went to the other side of the classroom.
I had the birth control ring thing happen to me before. It's kinda funny, but definitely not the most hilarious thing that's ever happened.
@buddy71@xanga - Well, I wasn't going to give names and what not, but I also wasn't going to be hypocritical and ask for stories if I wasn't going to give some of my own.
@calisartangel16@xanga - sorry, I'll try to tone it down next time... though I did a little bit already lol.
@yakko1@xanga - it was funny more so because of her reaction, the actual event of it getting on me was just kind of humorous.
You know, I heard doors have locks on them now-a-days...
@nerdishh8D@xanga - Some do, some don't. Guess which kind she had?
Making my girlfriend at the time jump out of a window so we wouldn't get caught. Good thing for her it wasn't winter.
in high school (before the sex rolled around), the boyfriend and i didn't find our houses adequate for privacy to make out. my grandma had recently passed away and my family owned her house which was conveniently in the neighborhood right across the street from mine. we spent many an afternoon making out in the guest bedroom over there, and the idea was proving to be very genius, i was even thinking of throwing a party. anyway, one time we were all into it when the front door opened and i freaked out, ran to the bathroom, and left the poor boy trying to hide his boner alone to be yelled at by my angry father. when i reemerged from the bathroom, my dad of course assumed i'd been getting dressed after all our sexual deviance, and sent us out. fortunately, the parents went on vacation shortly after which gave us all some time for the awkwardness to settle.
much much more recently, i was way too intoxicated and for whatever reason, ended up having sex with a a guy in his car right outside a party i went to with my exboyfriend, where most of the guests were friends with him. the kid i was doing's friend had to wait in MY car while we were busy. lots of people saw and later told the ex, which is just so awkward. as soon as we were done, a cop knocked on the window and asked us how we were doing. tee em eye, you're welcome.haha hmm there was this one time me and ex in high school werent allowed to go to eachother houses. we were both grounded or something stupid, so we both met up at a friends house with a bunch of people. everyones hanging so we both snuck away into the backroom. we started gettin it on and then just as its getting heated someone swings open the door and our friends mom is standing right there in the doorway.. with every single one of our friends standing there, half looking awkward other half laughing their asses off.. heres the kicker she has some kind of disability, not too sure what it was but it made it so it was very hard to understand what she was saying. so as she yelling at us she would pause i think waiting for us to respond and i didnt know what else to say but excuse me? or im sorry? or just nothing at all and then she would get more mad. it was awful. needless to say .. me and my ex didnt show our faces around that house for a long long time.
that last one was the best. (laughing wise)
I fortunately or unfortunatley, don't really have any stories to spare.
accidentally kicked this guy in the head trying to climb into his loft bed.
My boyfriend and I were having sex on a playground during the day when all of a sudden what looked like a whole preschool comes around the corner and starts running toward us. Luckily I was wearing a skirt so we were able to "disengage" and look presentable before any adults noticed.
if i was a guy i would say yu are a G!! but since i'm a girl i can only laugh and congratulate yu on your mancouch post! hahaha
I liked the last one! And the ring one! I agree, a girl should never laugh so hard at something involving ur manhood. The bad ideas u can have when u're young and horny... I was dating this guy who kept bragging about his oral skills and said he knew this quiet place so how could I refuse? He took me to this appartment building garden and sure this shrub was hiding us from the windows view but now that I think of it the building had many many stories so we must have entertained quite a few people that afternoon... I only got walked in on once but it was memorable: I was at summer camp and I had hooked up with this gorgeous soccer player and we went up to his dorm during a party so that nobody would notice but halfway through it we hear voices behind the door, he just had time to stop and try to block the door from the bed when the door opens to the whole team! Fortnunately we were on the top bed so all they got to see was their mate's behind. I should've known better...
My blog is anonymous so I feel no shame lol; Embarassment can happen in various forms like that time I had done it in my room with my bf and we were watching tv downstairs afterwards and my sister comes hang out with us and borrows my bottle of water and goes "this water tastes funny, tastes like fruit or something". Turns out i had put on the condom with my mouth and it was strawberry flavored. I made up this thing about how i'd put flavored water in a normal bottle but I was mortified and reliefed I hadn't done more with my mouth that time. My bf wasn't very cooperative and simply smiled through the whole explanation.
Last but not least: how often can u text the wrong person? That never happens! I always freak out about how my bf's names comes right after "dad" in my contact list so i'm always extra careful. I sent a dirty message to my teacher!!!! She asked all our numbers so she could harass us with late homework and i'd ended up entering her number to answer quicker. That day i'd just answered one of her quests when i answered my bf's message "I love u. Supposed to study 4 the test tomorrow but really just waitin 4 u to come home.can't believe how bad u can be like last nite when u fucked me on the floor against the couch..." she was the last contact so it was sent to her no matter how many times I pressed cancel, and she even answered " I don't think you meant to send this to me. don't worry i didn't read past the first 3 words" yea right! And guess what, the test was her subject so I had to sit facing her for 4 hours the next day! I don't think I even went to her class again but it happend in may so it could have been worse unless she hated me enough to tell all the other teachers.
Who am I to talk but @Lulabell_88@xanga - a playground in daytime sounds like a really bad idea lol! good spot for night action though
those r HILARIOUS!
unfortunately, in my limited sex experience the most embarrassing thing that's happened to me is my maid walking in on my bf and me making out big time :P
Men on mancouch do not have any sexual adventures worth mentioning.
@Lulabell_88@xanga - wow way to be a ho, congrats
@ShimmerBodyCream@xanga - u rhyme now :D , why men on mancouch have no sexual adventures worth telling?
@Shy___Away@xanga - I don't understand the guy's reaction lol
this has nothing to do here but who hasn't hung out on a playground at night? pick up ur shit beofre leaving, i've seen condom wraps, used condoms and beer cans and bottles left there and that is just wrong!
@mysterygirl3000@xanga - why you cant speak english?
I called my ex by my best friend's name once during sex.
See, he was being really overly loud, and I went to tell him to shut up...but usually the only time I tell someone to shut up is my best friend Rachel...so because it was automatic for me to say "Shut up Rachel" ...that's exactly what I did. XD
...and then proceeded to die of embarrassment. x)
Ahaha, those stories were wonderful. I don't have any misadventure stories... yet.
"Game over. Night Done. Scared turtle after that"
LMAO. Great post.
@ShimmerBodyCream@xanga - Lol! You're a sexy bitch, if you don't mind me saying so. And probably correct. Funnily enough, there seem to be more women on mancouch than there are men.