Wednesday, 21 October 2009

• How To Have A Threesome With Your Boyfriend And Another Girl

  
  

  
  

  I've seen several posts on xanga and in other communities of girls asking whether they should or should not have a three-some with their boyfriends.  As a girl who has been there and who questioned it in the same way I wanted to give a small how-to guide. 

  I must preface everything I am about to write by saying that I am bisexual and that did influence my decision, however the issues I am going to address are ones that felt as a girl in a relationship and have nothing to do with my sexuality.

  Ok, so now on to the good stuff. 
  

  First the conversation comes up.  For me and my boyfriend it started because I couldn't help but notice an attractive girl on a TV show one night. After discussing her looks we moved on to would I ever have sex with someone who looked like her, and then, obviously, on to the subject of both of us having sex with someone like her. It wasn't an awkward conversation for us, though I know it is for some people. 
  

  So the first step of the guide is how to maneuver the dangerous and murky waters of the first conversation on the topic. Inevitably your guy will want to know if you'd be willing. If you're unsure (which many girls are) say so. Don't beat around the bush (so to speak), simply tell him flat out exactly how you feel. Say, "yes I would like to try something like that." "I might, but am not ready." "I would never want to." Whatever the case may be.
  

  Now, if your mind is made up about not doing it, then the conversation is over.  If he continues to press the issue, he clearly doesn't respect you as much as he should, and you need to tell him so. 
  

  If, on the other hand, you're anywhere from the gray of not knowing to the glowing white of excitement and giddiness at the idea, the conversation must continue. You need to ask him why he would like to do it.  Most guys will response with excitement at the prospect of two girls. They will say it's something they've always wanted to do, etc. The honest ones will admit that in part is so they can say they did, a notch on the bed post of sorts. I found it necessary to gauge the reaction. If a guy was mature enough to handle it, he'd be excited but not so excited that it would make me uncomfortable.  Excitement is understandable, however, hurting my feelings and ranting on and on about other women is not! If he was mature and respectful throughout this conversation and others to follow, I was much more inclined to consider the prospect. 

  This is supposed to be an experience you both enjoy, not just something you do for him.  Even if you are a heterosexual female you need to be comfortable enough, if you're going to do this, that you enjoy this and gain some experience, excitement or something else positive out of it.  At the very least it's a new experience and who better to learn about pleasure from than another female? 
  

  All this means is that after you find out why he wants to do it, the conversation needs to end for while. Give it a day or two. Do not constantly harp on it, and don't let him either. Let him know you need time to think, and make up your mind. If he doesn't let it die, he's probably not ready, and will not let it die once it happens. One of the most hurtful things a guy can do is bring up sex with another woman repeatedly after the fact. A mature man will not, he will make the experience something you both shared and enjoyed, and in talking about it after the fact, you will feel closer and not at all insecure.

  After thinking it over for a week, gauging his reaction, and so on, bring it up again. Ask him again why he'd want to do it. Also ask what he would like the experience to entail. Watching you and her, touching both of you, oral sex, actual sex? Watching both, and only participating with you? Can he kiss the other girl? Can you? You need to know what he wants out of the experience. 
  

  Again let the conversation end, after you are sure you understand his intentions. Then think over what you would want. How much are you comfortable with? Knowing what he expects and what you are willing to do is important.

  If you still think you might want to do this then bring it up again. This time explain what you are and are not comfortable with and tell him what you'd be willing to do. Let him know that he may not get everything he wants, but that you'd be willing to do what you are comfortable with. If he's okay with the idea and promises to not compromise your feelings, sit down and sketch up rules. Yes, write them down. In detail, write down what you are and are not allowed to do. What he is and isn't allowed to do. Does he wear a condom with both of you? Just her? Is he even having sex with her? Once the rules are set down, figure out if it's plausible. Chances are even with a great deal of restrictions it is.

  Once you're sure of how the experience can play out, you need to agree on the type of person that you would want to do it with. A friend? His, yours, mutual? A stranger? How do you make sure that they are clean of diseases?  If you already had a person in mind, this is easy. If you didn't this is trickier. Set down the type of person that you would like to do it with and stick by these rules. 

  Now you can either go out and find a person you'd like to participate with or you can wait and see what happens. Chances are if you wait and see you will come across people who are willing, and then it's just a matter of propositioning them.
  

  If you go looking, be careful in your search. There are dating websites that specialize in this, but I would demand paperwork showing they don't have diseases. Personally I like to stick with people I know that won't have drama.

  If you're ever uncomfortable with any aspect of this, talk it out with your partner. Also remember that nervousness is alright, but discomfort isn't. If you're nervous that makes sense, but if you're just uncomfortable you will regret the decision.
  

  Have you ever thought about having a threesome?  Did you end up doing it?  If so, was the experience positive or negative? If you didn't do it, what made you choose not to?

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