Saturday, 17 October 2009

  • How Do You Want The World To End?

     

    These days it's pretty hard to ignore the sense of impending doom we're constantly bombarded with from all angles. News stations warn of economic collapse, pandemic flu strains, foreign wars, terrorism and nuclear arsenals. It's real enough that it's scary, but to top it all off, there are new movies released every year that depict mankind's fast-approaching demise in painstaking detail.

    I'll admit, it's fun to see what people might do when placed in survival situations. Who will go psychotic? Who will keep it together? Who will betray humanity for their own personal gain? It's all very fascinating. Perhaps most fascinating, though, is how many ridiculous ways popular media has come up with to kill off the human race. Here are a few common ones for you to chew on:

    1. The Asteroid / Comet / Meteor Impact: Well, this one was done to death that one summer that Armageddon AND Deep Impact came out. Honestly, both movies sucked royally. Is it better to watch Morgan Freeman as President or Bruce Willis as an oil-drilling space cowboy? I can't decide. Still, as far as world ending disasters go, this is probably my least favorite. Firstly, the options to deal with said threat are extremely limited. The world only has a handful of people trained to fly into space, and they're supposed to obliterate an object that's potentially the size of an entire state? Seems pretty unlikely that anyone could succeed. It's also not a fun thought since there actually ARE rogue asteroids out there with planet-killing potential. In this scenario, it'd be best for the whole world to simply bend over and kiss its collective ass goodbye.

    2. Killer Weather: Seriously? The Day After Tomorrow was more a way to show off cool special effects than it was to show how humans would adapt to a new ice age. When the cold hit, what was their strategy? Let's see - bundle up, and stay indoors? Jake Gyllenhaal ended up taking advice from a real expert on the cold - a homeless man from New York who insulated himself with newspaper and advocated the burning of as many library books as possible. That's the spirit - when the world is over, let's burn as much literature as we can! Ultimately, all I gathered was 'When it's cold, humans need to...stay warm. Oh, and everyone should head to Cancun'. Here's an idea: the colder it gets, the more hockey we play (of both the ice and tonsil variety). Take that, you satanic weather patterns!

    3. The Alien Invasion: Independence Day, War of the Worlds, and any number of books and tv shows have covered this topic, some better than others. Unfortunately, they all unfold in a fairly similar fashion. First the aliens either infiltrate, then invade, or just invade outright. Then they indiscriminately kill people in a variety of fun, explosive ways. Eventually, some lay person (i.e Jeff Goldblum, Tom Cruise, Mel Gibson) notices the aliens are susceptible to something completely ridiculous that makes them easy to defeat, like water (quite the twist, M. Night Shamallamalan), and the aliens are defeated by roaming packs of children with Supersoakers. Let's not forget the completely realistic idea that the whole world unites against the alien menace. Will the end of the world really bring people together? No. It'll just lead to more finger pointing.

    4. Zombie Apocalypse: In terms of plausibility, zombies are the least likely way we'll all die. However, the depictions of how humanity survives, or doesn't, in the Z-Day scenario actually feel pretty authentic. Generally, the films that chronicle zombie infestations focus on normal, every day people rather than world leaders, military types and scientists. It's here that we get to see the police officers, retail workers, and truck drivers. Perhaps worst of all is that zombies are us. For every human that falls, a zombie rises. There's no saving them and no avenging loved ones. All people can do is flee, hide, defend themselves and try not to freak out. There's no magic asteroid nuking, no adapting to the cold and no massive vulnerability besides a gunshot to the brain. Your only hope is to survive another day, or die trying. Besides, I'd feel safest with Ving Rhames.

    If you had to choose, what type of apocalyptic situation would you try to survive?

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