The other night, I dreamed of nothing but burgers. A stack of sliders from White Castle, to be exact. You know something has gone haywire in your brain cells when your mind is telling you to physically hurt your body, right?
The funny thing is, I hate White Castle. Even after seeing Harold and Kumar so many times, I could never actually convince myself that those tiny, gut-wrenching gastrointestinal nightmares were anything more than empty calories and the representation of all that is wrong with the fast food industry. Frankly, ingesting a Slider is almost as bad as swallowing the devil himself. It's just that the devil doesn't usually come out the other side.
And yet, I've done it. More than once. I've scarfed down my fair share of the Castle's insidious little creations. But only when I was drunk, and ONLY because my friends made it sound so fantastic. Plus, there's only so much to do in a suburban area at 3AM on a Friday. Inebriated college students might be the only people keeping them in business (which, judging by their sales revenue, means people are drunk way more often that we'd like to think, but I digress).
Let's face it, fellas - you know how deliciously bad they are. So why is it that so many late night food runs end with a pile of extremely questionable nutrition? What the hell is so good about White Castle that I can't help but want to eat them when I know I'll only end up on the can an hour later? Hell, even my dreams made me salivate over all-that-is-unholy.
Seriously, let's break the slider down: It's two small, square buns of pretty crappy white bread with a paper thin, C-grade square beef patty in the middle. Sometimes there's cheese on top, onions, maybe pickles and what-have-you, and that's it.
I've got news for you, though - Wendy's does the square burger, too. Except theirs is bigger, better tasting, with fresher ingredients and for whatever reason doesn't usually result in an inflamed colon. Better yet, you can get a burger made to order from a diner for roughly the same amount of money as you'd spend on, oh, say a sack of ten.
For those of you that are sure to violently disagree, I'll budge a little. The slider does have a little bit of saving grace. It's hella cheap, if you're only eating a few. But since people buy them by the bag, or even the almighty Crave Case, the point seems sort of moot.
Be honest with yourselves. You know what you're eating, and you know you could do better even as far as fast food goes. So I'm still stumped as to why White Castle has such appeal.
So, can anyone give me a reason why we SHOULD crave some White Castle now and then?
Comments (14)
Novelty size! "Fun" sized! Great seasoning on that meat. Perfect patty-to-bun ratio!
White Castle has carved out a terrific niche for themselves. Pop culture has been good to them, and even though their product is shit (pun eventually-related), people flock to WC like it's Mecca.
Good first entry and good luck!
- Your bass slappin' friend.
I can honestly say I've never stepped inside of a White Castle. But I so often end up in the McDonald's drive-thru.
@StephanieDFung - I like the way you think, but novelty wears out quickly. We eat lots of other 'fun' foods, too. Like those little fun-sized Snickers and Milky Ways that used to fill up our bags on Halloween. I mean, some people enjoy the 'novelty' of eating clams - but they're nowhere near as detrimental to your health as a greasy Slyder.
Seriously, it's got to be more than just the fun factor. Does one get a sense of power out of devouring such puny, worthless burgers? Is there something addictive in the grease?
Did you know that the hamburger was invented by a 15 year old boy selling meat balls at a fair in the 1800's? He noticed customers were always in a hurry to get to the next attraction, and had trouble eating meatballs quickly. So he got the idea to squash the meat ball flat and put it between two slices of bread so the people could grab their food and eat on the run. Sales increased.
The area he lived in - which I don't remember, but you can find in the book "Chew on This" - had a large German population, and so the new Amercian sandwich was probably named after the town of Hamburg, Germany, which was already known for its ground steak sandwiches.
Once in a blue moon I can stomach it.Most of the the time however it disgusts me.
I wonder how much did the sales of white castle went up after the Harold and Kumar movie went out....
drugs. they probably sprinkle crack on them before selling them.
honestly, i have no idea. probably because i'm a vegetarian or something...
They make me so sick, but I love them. And now I want one. Curse you!
when i'm drunk, in-N-out craving trumps white castle craving.
usually, neither are open when i'm ready to stop drinking... usually end up at Denny's.
haha i use to hate white castle..it would make me vomit...but a friend took me there recently and now it's kinda hard for me to resist who knows why! the jalapeno burger and the pulled pork sandwich is so freakin' good!
i don't give a flip about burgers, from White Castle or anywhere else for that matter. my late night drunken obsession is Taco Bell. god it's so good.
oh my god, white castle<33333
I feel sorta the same way, i get them when i'm in jersey to see my bf and even though i have terrible stomach problems and i know they're horrible for me, i can't help but want them, i even bought the frozen kind when i got home (not at all the same) i honestly just think they taste better. They probably put something in it too.
also, something about the small size makes me think, yeah i can eat like 30 of these, which of course sparks some competitive thoughts.
On my many road trips, I've given in to White Castle, but how about its less diarrhea inducing cousin, Krystal? I'm from the south. :D
Gotta love me some chili cheese pups.