Thursday, 08 October 2009
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How To Keep A Healthy Level Of Insanity
Since the last funny post on here (65 or 69 Random Thoughts, or whatever the number was) struck a bit of a buzz and gave you all a few laughs, I figured I would send this funny little thing that I had received in an email not too long back. I hope you it gives you a good laugh or at least a smile to brighten all of your days! :)
HOW TO KEEP A HEALTHY LEVEL OF INSANITY
1. At lunch time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.
2. Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice.
3. Insist that your e mail address is: Xena-Warrior-Princess@... or Elvis-the-King@...
4. Every time someone asks you to do something ask if they want fries with that.
5. Put your garbage can on your desk and label it "IN."
6. Develop an unnatural fear of staplers.
7. Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to expresso.
8. In the memo field of all your checks, write 'for sexual favors.'
9. Finish all your sentences with "In accordance with the prophecy."
10. Adjust the tint on your monitor so that the brightness level lights up the entire work area. Insist to others that you like it that way.
11. Don't use any punctuation
12. As often as possible, skip rather than walk.
13. Specify that your drive-through order is "to go."
14. Sing along at the opera.
15. Find out where your boss shops and buy exactly the same outfits. Wear them one day after your boss does. (This is especially effective if your boss is of the opposite gender.)
16. Send e-mail to the rest of the company to tell them what you're doing. For example, "If anyone needs me, I'll be in the bathroom, in stall #3".
17. Call the psychic hot line and don't say anything.
18. Have your coworkers address you by your wrestling name, Rock Hard.
19. When the money comes out of the ATM, scream "I won!, I won! Third time this week!"
20. When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot, yelling, "Run for your lives; they're loose!"
21. Tell your boss, "It's not the voices in my head that bother me; it's the voices in your head that do."
22. Tell your children over dinner. "Due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go."
23. Every time you see a broom, yell "Honey, your mother is here!"And finally...
24. Pass along to others so they may enjoy a good laugh or smile! :)
Which one was your favorite?
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- From: TheRandomWriter@xanga
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Comments (19)
That had me crying through the entire thing XD That was great! *makes mental notes*
The garbage bin one.
and the coffee one.
Oh man. If I could, that would be very, very tempting to do!
I read this before, but its hilarious! I love #9.
I actually tried the coffee one. It was great. For me, of course, not for the poor yahoos that went through some interesting roller-coaster of caffeine hits.
I used to have a website (way back in the day before the word blog was in our lexicon) that had a bunch of funny lists like this. Gawd, I was a humor-loving middle-schooler then.
I'd love to do the coffee one and see how people react.
I liked #10 haha.
Oh god, the ATM thing made me LOL. I actually catch myself doing the skipping thing, though.
Oh no!
This was awesome and it made my day.
- Kunoichi
I like and would consider 1, 12, 14, 19. I couldn't go through with 8.
HAhahaha, the coffee one! Smart. :)
Hahaha...classic stuff right here. I'd like to say I'd try any of these..but not sure if I could on a few. Some are just downright clever, though. Evil genius!!
4. Every time someone asks you to do something ask if they want fries with that.
Whenever approached with a full list of orders, I've performed this one. Note: I'm an electronics engineering assistant - a jeans-and-polo job filled with deadlines, deadpan humor, busy schedules, and [thankfully] a boss with a sense of humor.
5. Put your garbage can on your desk and label it "IN."
Actually, I've labeled my waste bin, in bold letters, "COMPLAINT DEPT."
7. Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.
There was this concoction, at a place I used to work, that the crew tried to say was "coffee". It tasted more like chicory than coffee, and had all the caffeine content of Maxwell House Lite. Bleh. I usually brought in my own coffee.
We were closing in on a deadline. I suggested that I temporarily head the team, was given the go-ahead, and pulled this stunt:
I came in one day and switched it out, early, with this custom-blend dark and pale roast mix. Note: dark roast gives robust flavor, but leaches the caffeine content out in roasting process, pale roast doesn't have the same kick of flavor,but holds one helluva punch. We finished out in plenty of time. I didn't want the job, I just wanted my immediate supervisor replaced [he was, shortly after I left that job]. This is the first I ever spoke of this stunt.
12. As often as possible, skip rather than walk.
Does dancing to the muzak on a few sites count? [Yes, they're used to me.]
14. Sing along at the opera.
Does singing/humming to the muzak count?
21. Tell your boss, "It's not the voices in my head that bother me; it's the voices in your head that do."
I was asked, in joking matter, "Voices in your head keeping you from concentrating?", and replied this one.
I think I manage to keep a healthy level of insanity at work with me. Haven't gotten fired from a canon yet...
Bahahaha
I like no. 4 and 1 and when I actually need to write anyone a cheque I will definately do no 8
LMAOOOO
i like these!
@the_kcar@xanga - Hehehe, I like you already! XD!!
LMAO
@the_kcar@xanga - Haha, I'm glad some of these are being put into good use (and I think the muzak ones count, too, lol). ;)
To everyone, I am enjoying the great response! I'm glad I was able to put a smile on all of your faces! Thanks for all the fun comments! :)
@LoremIpsum_DolorSitAmet@xanga - Why, thank you :) @TheRandomWriter@xanga - Rehashing the classics during work hours is an excellent form of on-the-job therapy, which leads to less costs to your employer's insurance company...that's my story, and I'm sticking with it ; )
lmao XD ahah awesome 1, 2, 7, 13 , 16 , 19, 22,.. i like them all :P
HAHAHAH i like these