Tuesday, 06 October 2009

• Online Personal Ads: Tips for Men (from a woman)

  
  

  
  

  I was browsing through some online personal ads and realized that, comparing the men's and women's, there are some major disconnects.
  
  Everybody knows that spambots browse personal sites sometimes to get men (usually) to join their adult (usually) websites. Half the personal ads online mention something to this effect -- "Tell me what the weather was today so I know you're real," or "NOT joining any websites for 'verification'!" or "Use something about as the subject line of your reply!"
  
  Many of the men's ads contain despairing remarks wondering if real women EVER reply to personal ads. Well, we do.  If nobody is replying to your ad, there might be a reason!

  Check out the following hints from a girl who knows:
  

  
  

  Remember that WE have to like YOU, too.
  If you're a middle-aged high school drop-out living in your mother's basement and spending every afternoon at the bar... why the hell would a sexy young lady with a good career want to hang out with you or have NSA sex with you? Be realistic in your expectations.
  
  Tell us why we should pick you instead of all the other guys here. Even if you can't think of a way you're better, what makes you unique?
  
  Do you play a musical instrument? Have a cat with a personality disorder? Maybe you go hiking every Sunday afternoon, or like to fix up cars for fun. Maybe you have every single Goosebumps movie on DVD, or know how to make really good stir-fry.
  
  Just give us some tidbit about your personality to make you seem more interesting, more human than just words on a screen.
  
  

  It is one WOMAN, two WOMEN. Spell it right, PLEASE.
  One letter may not seem like such a big deal, but when you can't even spell the simplest of words, it makes you look like a total moron. You may still get replies, but using poor spelling, textspeak, etc., means fewer women will even click on your ad and read it -- much less reply.
  
  

  We do NOT need to see photos of your DICK.
  If you want to offer to show those who reply, okay. But you'd be shocked at how many women DON'T automatically think, "Hmm, this guy seems interesting. I wonder what his wee-wee looks like?" You're a lot more likely to be turning women off with your total lack of understanding.
  
  Yes, sometimes a girl will be curious about the size and shape of your skin flute. But most of us, when we're looking for a good time, are looking for a guy with a certain kind of personality that makes good times happen. What you do with your stick is a lot more important than what it looks like.
  
  

  If you're married, SAY SO.
  Some women are okay with illicit affairs. Others don't want to be "the other woman," even just for NSA sex. And when you want a "platonic" friendship with a woman, be honest about whether this is something you're going to hide from your wife. Some women will be okay with this, but hiding the truth isn't fair to the ones who aren't.
  
  

  Don't misrepresent yourself.
  Don't say you spend all your time working out when you really watch TV. Don't say you're a banker when you really deliver pizzas. There will be women who are interested in guys like YOU, but by pretending to be something you're not, you're ruining your chances with them.
  
  The kind of girl who likes WoW and 4chan isn't going to reply to an ad from a guy who says he's more into football and keggers. You're more likely to find someone you'll actually like if you are honest about your interests.
  
  

  On behalf of all the women who ever read personal ads, THANK YOU FOR FOLLOWING THESE GUIDELINES!
  
  Can you think of any others?
  

  • 9:40 PM
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