A recent conversation between my older brother and myself went on about why he needed to borrow money from me. Rent, bills, child support, it was all getting to him. Somewhere during the conversation he tried to make himself feel better by stating that, unlike many other men in his situation (to our firsthand knowledge), he paid child support and therefore "took care of his daughter."
At this line of dialogue I had to interrupt him and burst the bubble on his supposed virtue. "Yo, you're supposed to take care of your daughter. You don't get extra points for doing something you're supposed to do. By your logic I would be a good citizen just 'cause I pay my taxes or I'd be a good boyfriend 'cause I don't beat the shit out of my girlfriend."
I've heard lines like this before. Men proud because they could pass a drug test put forth at work or proud because they have never been incarcerated. Women who were proud because they didn't have a restraining order filed against them. Both genders proud that they had never received a ticket from a police officer.
STOP!!!!! WTF happened to bare minimums?
I can understand that there are men out there that refuse to take care of their children for whatever reasons exist in their minds. Selfishness, Scumbag mentality, or belief that the child is not really theirs. But at what point did being a responsible parent become a virtue instead of an everyday fact of life?
"Oh, You can't judge me because you haven't walked in my shoes. It's so hard sometimes being a father." is a usual sentence I hear on the subject of being a responsible father, to which my response is always the same, "Who lied to you and told you it would be easy?"
What happened to bare minimums? Are people less responsible today?
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Comments (22)
Fuck I love this post. I have heard that shit too many times. People are proud of shit that they're supposed to do anyways. I think I talked about it a little on a post I made about teenage moms who talk about how hard it is to raise a kid.
Am I supposed to give you a pat on the back because you raise your kid? No. Im not. I say "Good job, now keep going."
Yes! This "praise me for doing something I'm supposed to be doing anyway" mindset is so damn annoying. It also concerns me that people expect some sort of reward for things like this too. What next? They want a pat in the back for breathing? However, I don't believe people are less responsible today. More like people who are less responsible are allowed to gloat about their laziness without repercussions.
I think he deserves praise if he's being a good dad. But just paying child support doesn't make a man a good dad. Actually spending time with his kid does.
Oh yeah man. This post is just amazing. I can't stand that in people, you're supposed to be doing that. Don't be proud of it! Be proud of something more achieving, like getting a promotion, getting a black belt in karate.
Just, what the hell man?
Excellent post!
@KimisBarbie@xanga - This! Exactly!
- Kunoichi
wow i completely agree. some things should just be done automatically...
but nowadays that stuff doesnt happen anymore
if it does, its rare.
That's right!! Just paying child support doesn't make you a good father. We should expect more from ourselves!
I've dated more girls who have been sexually abused than not. And it's rare to find someone anymore who's parents were ever really there for them.
So I disagree.
A good father is rare. Hell, a decent father is rare.
This post is great :D
The messages we teach to our children will resonate in future generations. I think the capitalist society we live in has somehow convinced many that they are the ultimate end and pinnacle of their own happiness, rather than the rosy image one may imagine of a happy family celebrating Christmas.
I don't know a happy family. I know families with 6+ children, whom the father is a good man and the mother a loving woman, but these same unions are tarnished with domestic disputes and divorce issues. Exploring the deepest trenches of my mind.. I cannot name a single perfect family.
People are being raised under Constant praise for the most Basic of things. "Oh you went the Entire day without hitting your Sister, GOOD Timmy, you get a cookie!"
It is vaguely disgusting, that children are taught from the time they are bloody crawling that Every Single Minor achievement, {the kind that is Vital to Life, Needed to survive and function,} as this huge major thing requiring reward. So it would only make sense that something like taking Bare Minimum responsibility for Their Child that They created, as this huge major life achievemnt. It is Not SO difficult to pay child supposrt, whereas actually BEING their for his child, and Supporting it throughout it's life, {something that really should be seen as Vital, respobsibilty,} is something that few are willing to put the effort into, simply because it is, Yes, a somewhat thankless job. Doing the bare minimum Used to be something that was Needed to survive. Society has gone so soft that barely scraping by, simply Surving, is seen as a good thing. Actually Accomplishing something worthy of true praise, has become so scarce that it is seen as an anomly.
Something to think about; in the past only the strongest survived, you either worked your ass off and scraped by, or you died. The few that did nothing and still survived, were seen as scum, those that did the bare minimum, did not make it far and most Certainly were not ever praised, and only the ignorant expected it.
XD another aside, any man that see's paying child suppiort as Good fathering, does NOT desevre the title Father, he truely does deserve to be named as Scum of the World. A Good Father is rare, even more rarely thanked, and even More rarely, will he assume he deserves thanks, for raising his child. He will see it as duty, and do it from Love and a sense of responsibility.
And just because you Sired a child doesnt mean you can automatically be a good parent. Lord knows Ive made mistakes along the way and Im way past the age of being an adult and knowing better.
@KimisBarbie@xanga - Yep! Totally agree!!
@KimisBarbie@xanga - definitely.
so many people think they should be praised for doing what they're supposed to be doing. if you're doing an extremely good job of it, then yeah why not? but if you're just squeaking by paying child support for your kids, nobody should give you a pat on the back and a smiley face sticker.
Father is biological. Dad is a title. Family is a privilege, and a lifetime - not just when the bills are due. There's no awards, just rewards. Now that I've summarized it in pithy catchphrases, I have to give bonus kudos to you for putting it in print.
Dude. I need to remember this the next time my douchebag father goes on his lecture about how I should be SO happy he pays his child support (let me note that he only pays it half the time and is a DENTIST) because there are so many fathers out there who neglect their kids. So? Just 'cause some assholes decided not to man up and pay their child support does that mean that I should be EVER so excited that you give half an inch more effort than they do? I think not. Maybe I should give him the father of the year award for quitting beating me, too, right? Goddamn!
I know it kind of makes me sound like a bratty, pissed off teenybopper, but the truth is, I agree, I don't understand why men decided they could slack off and then be praised when they do what they're expected.
People are douche bags now.
I dont know .. i find myself wondering more and more what did happen to people? When did society go down the drain?
reminds me of a Chris Rock stand-up routine from like awhile back.
Thank you for posting this.
You said it brother!
Taking care of a kid entails way more than just paying child support. He doesn't have anything to be proud of.