We thought this inside info from a girl on "playing the game" was valuable intel... enjoy!
being a player, as a girl, is quite different than it is for boys. essentially, it involves letting yourself be used over and over and trying really hard not to care. there are certain things that come as a result of this.
for one, you're going to end up looking pathetic and desperate at least once in a while. it's usually going to be the guy that ditches out first, and as a girl, any further contact you pursue with him will be taken as such. it's a hazard of the trade; take it with a grain of salt, because if you're okay on the inside, what they think no longer matters.
two, you're going to be called a slut. unless of course you don't mess around with your targets, but for all practical purposes, we'll assume that's going to happen. ways of keeping dignity include having limits, rules, and never breaking them, even under constant pressure from any and everyone. don't send people pictures. it's tacky and classless and the only tangible proof one could have that you are, indeed, a slut. never trust a guy; he will not delete it right after, but he will show it to his friends while laughing at you after receiving your first pathetic/desperate text.
never trust a guy with anything else either. always remain a skeptic. go in knowing that it's not going to last. believe what he says only enough to satisfy your immediate needs. remember that at any given time, he can and will decide he's over it and cease to communicate with you. don't be surprised by such a sudden letdown, don't let it freak you out, and above all, do anything in your power to keep yourself from letting him know how much it bothers you.
do not text his best friend. even if he's ignoring you even though it's important. even if it seems like it isn't a big deal. even if you're drunk. this one is all kinds of bad news. it's listed at the top of page one in the book of desperate pathetic girls. just don't do it.
also, don't try and hook up with his friend, even if you always thought of them as interchangeable. this is yet another undeniably slutty thing to do, and could potentially tarnish your reputation. not to mention you'll end up at the butt of many jokes. entertaining, but still pretty bad.
never forget that as soon as you develop actual feelings for a guy, he will undeniably decide you're no longer worth his time. realize that he is no longer worth yours either. even if he seems perfect, don't buy into that. there's always another guy waiting just around the corner, and you'll realize that he, too, will seem perfect in his own way
in order to successfully pull off this approach to "dating", or lifestyle as i'd put it, you have to be willing to think of guys as interchangeable and expendable. they're merely tools with which to manifest your needs. attention, comfort, sex, money, company. keep your options open, of course; if you meet a guy and things work out between the two of you, go for it if it's what you really want. but never enter it with expectations, because expectations are almost never met, and are therefore the root of disappointment and unhappiness.
this is how i choose to live.
Mancouch says: What do you think?
Comments (63)
this is pretty pessimistic..
meh i guess it's a realistic view of guys to a certain degree
On the other side of the ledger, my mom told me often that if I treated any gal as a lady that she would act like one. I dated 4 girls in my life and treated them like ladies. They were, and I married the last one--54 years ago.
Girls/gals have great value. It is a value to be prized and respected. The greatest honor a woman can give a man is to be his wife.
frank
you know what, i see your point and i agree with it, but argh, it really sucks that as soon as you show you have feelings, even if you know that secretly, that's what he's been waiting for all along, he loses interest. does he really want to keep chasing you until he's 100?! sorry, that's just me ranting haha.
I dont understand, im sorry maybe im like close minded..
but is this post about being a woman player,
or how not to look pathetic?
Hm this sounds like an interesting lifestyle. I might do it, except I don't meet enough guys, especially guys who are willing to get in and out of relationships quickly. All the guys I know are down-to-earth and really sincere....which makes a problem sometimes haha.
@ANVRSADDAY@xanga - You always...have to mention how long your marriage is in every comment I've ever read from you....
I tend to disagree. I think if a girl really is a "player" she's the one using, not the one getting used.
@ANVRSADDAY@xanga - Where are there men like you in today's society? I was born in the wrong time. Congratulations on being married for 54 years. It's an encouraging thing to see. My grandparents were married 52 years on July 10th. He died a couple of weeks after that, though.
But the point is they stayed married. Which is a happy thing. Anyway... congratulations. I hope I meet someone like you that will marry me.
@Mr_Jin@xanga - that's right.
If you want to be worthy of the respect of a Gentleman, be a Lady. If you want to be treated like a whore, act like one. I guarantee you, you will be treated as such.
If you want to play with the Players, don't be surprised when you get Played.
If you want to find the Good Man or the Good Woman, be one yourself, and you will find one another naturally. One IF/D 1Ct. Diamond is worth more than a thousand Cubic Zirconia. Which do you want in your life?
If all you're in Life and Relationships for is for The Game, I feel sorry for you. There is more to life than these things. You have a choice whether to play the game or not. I choose NOT. And yet, I have no problem with matters like these. Does that surprise you?
@chow@ireallylikefood - amen! well said :]
i've lived both this "dating" lifestyle as well the "deeply committed relationship" lifestyle. neither brought me any true happiness or satisfaction so i have given up both for a while to get myself in order.
@Mr_Jin@xanga - I agree. Who says she's being used?
I think people tend to believe us females are too gentle to ever be so callous and a player. I know plenty of girls that use guys for fun, whether it be sex, things, or just fame/popularity. But these girls are usually very good at covering their tracks! Most guys, and girls, believe them to be genuine in their affections... To have that kind of power *sigh* LOL j/k
You could never play me, I'm from uptown baby.
I don't think this really describes "a female player."
it sounds more like she hooks up with a guy not expecting anything in return, falls for him, and then gets her heart broken.
I don't think you classify as a player if you get your feelings hurt or if he dumps you.
@FallenOuttaPlace@xanga - I agree.
@goblinsinthemirror@xanga - it's obviously irritating when someone loses interest in you, but the trick is to not actually develop "feelings" for them. anyone who's "heartbroken" after casually seeing somebody for 3 weeks, ...well, i guess this just isn't for them haha.
@chow@ireallylikefood - personally, i'm in no place to in my life to enter a long-term relationship. it's just not something that i'm interested in at the moment, being so young and all. and "having fun" with gentlemen just isn't right, because i'm not out to hurt anyone. obviously, i use the term "player" loosely.You're going to be living a very shallow and immature life. You'll never be treating people how they should be treated and deep down you'll feel it. you'll never grow as a person either. It will always just be for selfish gain. And people will know. You will think they don't know about the lies but they will be smarter than you take them for. The lies and deceit will show through. In the end you wont respect yourself and others wont respect you. You will just be "that girl".
Do what makes you tick. If you like being happy, then aim for that. The word "slut" is a barrier designed by women to control other women. If you want to sleep with 100 men, do it, and use protection. Every time someone judges you, they are seeking to control you, but at the end of the day, your thought reigns supreme. If you listen to people with grand notions of chivalry, who tell you all about being a "gentleman" or "lady", they present a rosy picture, but the bad is excluded. At the close, how much fun is it to have always been a gentleman or lady? Live your life and don't forget who is in control.
@InTheThin@xanga - and you always have to be a slut in every message...
@ANVRSADDAY@xanga - that's very romantic
@schallerbrandon@xanga - great synopsis
@chow@ireallylikefood - As in, you have no problems with people who are like that? Although, as long as it does not affect a body personally, i can hardly see how anybody could let themselves be bothered in the first place; the possibility of me being surprised is close to nil.
@goblinsinthemirror@xanga - agreed
@yourblondeness@xanga - I've always thought that it's impossible to be truly happy with someone else if you can't be happy by yourself. more power to you.
Seems like you just set yourself up chick. You've convinced yourself you're a real player, but you don't write like one. That's the thing that will tear you down in the end. Real players genuinely don't give a shit. They wouldn't post things like this, they wouldn't mention feelings at all; this post is laced with bitter connotation.
"You have to be willing to think of guys as interchangeable and expendable"
First of all, interchangeable and expendable are practically the same word here, you're killing it. Also, "You have to be willing..." tells me that you like to try to deny guys their person-hood, you do try to just see them as objects, but you are failing (especially if you have called their friends or tried to hook-up with their friends); moreover, you actually think about what you're doing. If you were really a player you would say something like, "Guys are interchangeable, use them and throw what's left to the dogs when you're done." It would be an absolute. There would be no feeling beyond whatever hedonistic pleasure you could gain from the moment, no thought for the other person's humanity. The moment the player begins to seriously consider real romantic feelings (in themselves or other people), they cease to be a player.
Perhaps you ought to sit back and take a harder look at what you have said, and consider what all of the words mean together. I could poke holes in this all day long, were I more caustically minded. You wanna get your rocks off, that's fine, you won't find judgment here...but let me encourage you to think more about why you are saying and doing (or not doing) these things.
You are an idiot. Players are ALWAYS bitches. They are ALWAYS flakes. Period. Men don't use women. Male players do, emotionally they're no more developed than a small child. A real man would not touch you intimately if he had not already forfeit to you his heart. There has never been an exception to that rule.
Please don't take this as an overall judgment against you; but simply as you portray here yourself and your view of men.
I say Catherine Zeta Jones likes some old dick
@BranmacFeabhail@xanga - What I meant more was that the Players can play with each other, that's fine by me. It doesn't affect me, and as long as they don't hurt the other people who are not playing "The Game", I don't care what they do. None of my business. I think they're Sad, personally, but whatever. They can do what they want in their circle.
But people who try to play some kind of The Game and find that they cannot adequately play it and complain about it, that's a different thing -- if you play The Game, understand two things: 1) There will always be someone better at The Game than you who will PWN you eventually. 2) The Game is a losing proposition in all ways in the long term. You mark yourself by your behavior, effectively cutting out any possibility that you will end up with someone who is worth anything. Good Women do not want a man who is a Player. And Good Men surely do not want a Woman who is one either.
YOU CAN CHOOSE NOT TO PLAY THE GAME.
I firmly believe that the way a person behaves towards and around others directly influences how other people treat them. For example, a man who behaves like a Gentleman will often be treated as one, as a woman who behaves like a Lady. But a man who is a an ass to people without provocation, or a woman who stumbles around drunk happily letting guys feel her up is going to get exactly what their behavior is telling people. If you behave in the world as a Player, expect to be treated as one. Know what I mean?
I always say: Be who you want to be.
@InTheThin@xanga - You might find plenty of guys. But you'll find that all men are repulsed as soon as they notice that's what you're doing.
@tigerdauphin@xanga - That's why I'm wary of all women. I have a very deep heart. But, even though I can't determine a woman's thoughts. I can easily tell whether she's worthy of receiving it. No player is worthy. If Casanova or any current equivalent could seduce a woman, she'll never have a chance to seduce me.
@schallerbrandon@xanga - You seem to think like Giacomo Casanova; a ridiculous fool who's cleverness is commonly emulated by many morons who merely lack any and all respect for all but self as it only requires one to be extremely self-centered. There is hardship and pain in being a Lady or Gentleman. But if you're not foolish in living like one, it only allows for learning and growth.
@sunshine_in_a__bag@xanga - "though my asshole guyfriends treat me like a piece of ass. and therefore i want to fuck them. with absolutely no class." therefor you have no class, and men will never [false men will] find you attractive once they notice