Monday, 21 September 2009

• Tailgating Should be a Sport

  It's 8 a.m. and you're already a six-pack of beer into the day. Here you are surrounded by grills, coolers, loud music and men that have more hair on their chests than their heads.

  
  

  As you sit there anticipating the game that is taking place a good 12 hours away, you, my friend, are the true athlete. The closest thing to Heaven on Earth, is sitting in some over crowded parking lot, drinking way too much way too early in the day, gorging yourself on hamburgers and rambunctiously voicing your thoughts of your team (or the opposing team).

  This is known as the art of tailgating. True tailgaters wake up at the crack of dawn, drink excessively, grill several tons of meat in an eight hour period, passionately cheer their favorite team and never even set foot in the stadium. Why fork out wads of money to have seats so bad that the players look like ants, when you listen to the game outside the stadium while not having to drink severely over-priced beer. 

  Your tailgater weighs as much as the star defensive lineman (not in muscle), is usually wearing only shorts and paint and the absolute most passionate fan in attendance. I am passionate about football and going to the games, but I find that the true sporting event happens in the parking lot. Sure it's fun to be stuffed in the home stadium heckling the referee for the dumbass he is from a mile away. I would rather be in that parking lot with my brethren. Watch all the sport that happens out there.

  1.   As you sit there, you hear cheering and someone counting out loud as someone does a keg stand.

  2.   Men competing to see who can grill the greatest hamburger, hotdog, steak etc...

  3.   Who has the loudest music around. 
  

  4.    Someone funneling a beer down their throat so fast that their liver cries at the sheer sight of that purple funnel.
  

  5.    Everyone competing to see who is the loudest and most obnoxious towards the opposing team's fans.

  As I said, these men are the true athletes. Sure, the quarterback can throw a bomb 50 some odd yards. But can he be held upside down and drink thirty seconds worth of warm, cheap keg beer? The answer: No. That is why these tailgating titans are my heroes. There is nothing more fun than a mixture of football, meat, beer, music and the half naked women that are out there with you. I mean, what more can a man in this world ask for? So you can definitely find me on any given Saturday in the Fall, sitting on the back of my truck, drunk as hell and not even realizing that the game has begun. Instead, I am admiring these weekend warriors, who have busted their asses all week at work just for that Saturday tradition. My hat is off to you gentlemen.
  

  Ethan Sells

  • 7:35 AM
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