While perusing the supermarket checkout counter, I often find myself skimming through magazine articles BY women FOR women about MEN.
What men want.
What men need.
What men like.
Recently I read this
post on MANcouch by, (yes you've guess it) a WOMAN telling men what they need to do to stay "sanitary/healthy/stylish".
First of all, I'd like to applaud you for your efforts on getting those of the not so "fairer sex" to smell and look better, but I have to question some of your points.
You start off by telling us to use a combination of shampoo and conditioner to keep our hair dandruff free and smelling fresh.
The first question that comes to mind is this...what the fuck kind of dirt bags do YOU hang around with that you think you need to be telling us (men) to shampoo and condition our hair? I'm assuming that your target audience is those that have access to computers and are literate enough to read your posts. Do you actually know guys that need to be told to shampoo their fucking hair? If so, ewwwwww...
I apologize for the cussing, but that's just me, that's what I do.
Secondly, you outline a facial cleaning regimen that emphasizes the use of facial soap and lotion. I can dig that...but then you go on to exfoliation. EXFOLIATION? Really?! The same fucking dirt bag guys who don't even shampoo, you now want them to exfoliate?
Let me offer a little bit of advice honey...it's called "baby steps".
You can't expect the chimps that are obviously your target demographic to learn to run without first teaching them how to crawl and walk. Baby steps sweetheart.
Finally you go on to "clothes sanitation". Basically you tell us to not wear smelly clothes and to make sure we change our boxers, briefs, and tighty whitey's on a daily basis. Finally you go back to your core demo. This advice is consistent with the caliber of people that I think need this post.
I think I skimmed through the rest of the post, but in all honesty I've pretty much forgotten the rest, except for this one last point.
NEVER is AXE spray an option. NEVER.
This has been a long standing beef that I've had with women's magazines and articles written by women about men.
They tend to perpetuate the stereotype that all men are one step away from cavemen and that we need coaching on how to keep our assholes clean.
I understand that there may be a few guys out there who can't tell you the difference between conditioner and shampoo. Or that there are some fellas out there who smell like they've never seen a bar of soap in their lives. But I can guarantee you that the vast majority of guys out there DO.
You want to give a guy style tips, fine. I know a lot of guys are clueless as to matching belts and shoes or a windsor knot vs. a half windsor knot or a four in hand knot. Maybe you can tell us the difference between French cuffed shirt and a single cuff. If you've got anything useful in that department, by all means go right ahead.
But if you think that we need help on overall sanitation and what not, I say look over to your fellow "sisters" who leave bloody messes on toilet seats and don't seem to notice that their nether regions sometimes reek like death.
I have to say, this list is a piece of condescending trash.
True 
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Comments (87)
hahahahaha. if there was a 'like' option on here, i would totally have clicked that. you know what i mean.
Fuck yeah~
"I have to say, this list is a piece of condescending trash."
Someone wrote something like that... REALLY wrote something like that... and was serious about it?! I'll have to agree with you, then. That's terrible.
As Dave Chapelle put it, "women get their advice on men from other women, and they don't know what the f--- they're talking about." This is why I don't read women's magazines. Most of the time, they're garbage.
and as far as being on a period... I think that's when I try to be the cleanest because I'm paranoid about smelling bad. you're right though... if left unchecked, it can smell like death, hell and the grave.
I'm sure that was too much information, but I'm done now.
Thank you mancouch for editing the shit out of my shit.
You have no idea how disgusting a women's bathroom in a shopping center/restaurant can be. I agree with the last paragraph whole heartedly. And, you know, the rest.
@live_for_love@xanga - dang-is it that bad?? And I used to think men's public bathrooms that smelled like rotten piss were bad
@dragon_king@xanga - They're probably on par with each other. Only instead of just week old piss on the floor, insert blood on the seats, tampon applicators half way out of the little bin, and then, of course, the normal piss on the seat.
Yes, all of the above...
@Mr_Jin@xanga - Really? The only change was removing this italicized text from the last line: "I have to say, this list is a piece of condescending trash.that needs to be shoved up the writer's pretentious vagina". Plus I fixed a typo (what to want)...
"Do you actually know guys that need to be told to shampoo their fucking hair? If so, ewwwwww..." -- haha!!
"...and that we need coaching on how to keep our assholes clean." -- omgosh!! ewww...i actually got a visual of a dirty/crusty bunghole!! XD
&& yeah...i have to admit, it "is" kind of sad that, most articles written on men...aren't written by men themselves. :S i avoid magazines like a plague...all they do, is give me a headache. with all their nonsense babble...-.-
i really enjoyed this post!! thx for sharing!! ^^
mouse xoxo
<333
But that was the best part...
How often can you say "pretentious vagina"?
This is the best Mancouch post in a while.
Thanks for that.
@Mr_Jin@xanga - It was pretty funny, I took it as a joke... but when we publish stuff that involves physically shoving stuff up pretentious vaginas, some readers get the wrong idea...
Anyway great post, we left everything else untouched!
@mancouch - Fine....but I still like "pretentious vag".
ahhahah nice post !
most guys I know are quite clean...lol i mean they're not stupid and they know girls won't get with a dirty looking and smelling guy. duh.
funny though. nice retaliation.
this is awesome
@Mr_Jin@xanga - good post =D
I know what you mean...its annoying isn't it? I posted a weblog about men not being respected by the media, this just proves my point.
*Stands and claps*
Well Done sir... Well done! STELLAR post. I'm gonna really hope that the author of that article got fired for being such a dumbass...
now, don't forget to brush your teeth and remember to floss!
despite my gender i'm gonna go ahead and say that there are way too many women on this site. boys, please come back.
lol You are so right! I don't know any guys who don't know that hygein = washing their hair. I would also like to add that I happen to like the smell of Axe spray. (Although, the Axe commercials are a tad stupid, and by "a tad" I mean COMPLETELY).
Lol, yeah, that other post was complete bullshit. I like my men to be men, not some feminized version. Most guys can take care of themselves just fine, and really don't need instruction. And even the few that could use a little help, well...They don't need *those* instructions. Someone who really needs to be told not to wear something if it stinks and to shower regularly really isn't going to get anything out of that post. And most of what she included is stuff men don't need to bother with anyways. Conditioner, exfoliates, socks that match your outfit (vs. plain old white socks), and her weird ass thing on facial hair are just bullshit. Men should look, smell, and dress like men. I like cartoon boxers and my husband's little scruffy look when he hasn't shaved for a day or two. And you know what I like best? The fact that all the exfoliates and lotions are on MY side of the damn bathroom. That's the way it should be -- If I wanted to be with someone who acted like a woman, I'D GO BE WITH A FUCKING WOMAN.
-applauds-
That made my day.
"NEVER is AXE spray an option. NEVER."
THANK YOU. ;_;