This post was anonymously contributed by a Mancouch reader.
I mean literally, I'm talking about measuring your *manhood*.
There are apparently many techniques for measuring your trouser snake, but as you might guess, all but one technique grossly overstates the length of your bratwurst.
I actually learned about these techniques after talking to a friend who I suspected of using false weights-and-measures. My friend (let's call him Mike because that's his real name, haha) once mentioned to me that his baby-maker was of average size. Now, Wikipedia says the average fire hose is 5.1 to 5.9 inches in length, and we all know Wikipedia is always accurate.
So, apparently his leaky hose was between 5 and 6 inches. There's nothing wrong with being average. However, despite this, he constantly made jokes about how he was insecure because he had a small love muscle. So you can see why I suspected that he was doing it "wrong".
Well according to the Internet, it turns out that the proper method is to measure from the top side of your yogurt slinger. You also aren't supposed to jam the ruler against your pubic bone (I admit I was guilty of that one). But most incorrect of all, you are *not* supposed to measure the underside, and you're definitely not, as my friend admitted doing, supposed to measure from where your meat popsicle "attaches to the body, you know, to get it all." That adds an extra 2-3 inches!
So, yes, my friend just inadvertently admitted to having a third leg that was only 3 to 4 inches long. Now I can see why he always made those jokes...
Do your friends ever joke about the size of their giraffe necks? Are their jokes about being too small... or too big?