This post was anonymously contributed by a Mancouch reader.
I mean literally, I'm talking about measuring your *manhood*.
There are apparently many techniques for measuring your trouser snake, but as you might guess, all but one technique grossly overstates the length of your bratwurst.
I actually learned about these techniques after talking to a friend who I suspected of using false weights-and-measures. My friend (let's call him Mike because that's his real name, haha) once mentioned to me that his baby-maker was of average size. Now, Wikipedia says the average fire hose is 5.1 to 5.9 inches in length, and we all know Wikipedia is always accurate.
So, apparently his leaky hose was between 5 and 6 inches. There's nothing wrong with being average. However, despite this, he constantly made jokes about how he was insecure because he had a small love muscle. So you can see why I suspected that he was doing it "wrong".
Well according to the Internet, it turns out that the proper method is to measure from the top side of your yogurt slinger. You also aren't supposed to jam the ruler against your pubic bone (I admit I was guilty of that one). But most incorrect of all, you are *not* supposed to measure the underside, and you're definitely not, as my friend admitted doing, supposed to measure from where your meat popsicle "attaches to the body, you know, to get it all." That adds an extra 2-3 inches!
So, yes, my friend just inadvertently admitted to having a third leg that was only 3 to 4 inches long. Now I can see why he always made those jokes...
Do your friends ever joke about the size of their giraffe necks? Are their jokes about being too small... or too big?
Comments (150)
Lol, I couldn't get past all the names for penis in this post. Rofling too hard.
God bless the euphemism!
Hahahhaha omg. I have never heard so many names for a penis in my life.. hilarious.
I am deffinatly going to measure my mans yogurt slinger today.
I was starting to question Mancouch's gender, so thanks for this post.
@skylar_rose@xanga - God bless euphemism indeed. I have never even heard half of these >__>
As everyone else, i think the best part of this post is all the names. And that chart bothers me for some reason... I don't think it's labeled properly or something.
Hahah wtf.
It would be tragic if a guys junk was 4inch.
If you have to measure it, dude, you are already in trouble.....Shelby Stone.....Cherry Picking Time by A1AdultEbooks.com
yogurt slinger is by far the best name i've ever heard for it. lmao.
OMG you mean Mr. Happy is bigger!!! lol... I did a study in college and the vast majority of women said men with larger shlongs *over 6 inchs* relied on size alone to satisfy them and most of the time they were unsuccessful *if not painfully so*. However most guys 4 to 6 inches *average sized* and even those with less relied on skill to satisfy them and were successful. My study was done in a scientific matter (including measuring from the top of Mr. Happy). I got an A and polled 1000 women from 18 to 25 of all races, so as not to get any bias in my research. I loved my woman's studies course in college!
lol,
shucks, all these years i've been measuring wrong. =]
That's a damn big banana.
hahahhahahahahs....
7-8 only pls. hahahaa
Is penis a dirty word or something? I didn't see it once in that post.
PENIS!
One day, Google ads is gonna catch on and find out that bratwurst, fire hose, and meat popsicle are actually referring to the penis. Then we're in for it, really.
I think penises are weird, honestly. I don't care if yours is 2 inches or 10, it still looks funny. (I'm also very mature, obivously.) In any case, it's not about the size, it's how you use it.
Let's not make fun of boys measuring their penises. If girls can measure their boobs (true, we've got a legit reason, because ill-fitting bras are the PITS), then gus can measure their peepees.
HAHAHA YEAH. my friend always tells me his erm.. leaky hose (LOL) is humungous. not that i care, but i happen to know he is really insecure about it secretly :P
hahaha.
Confidence makes it feel twice its size...
A blindfold on her makes her think its twice its size
(Size no matter, its all mental ladies)
3 to 4 inches is like...well, let's just say mike is quite a rarity, according to wikipedia (which we all know to be completely accurate). just look at the graph. on this scale the percentage of people with such unlong schlongs is...well...pretty much dead zero. so. i'd say mike deserves congratulations for being nearly unique. also: flowers.
lol. My ex was... very lucky in this area.
(Over 7")
He was my first, and I naturally thought he was average.
Then I met this new guy and was... shocked (successfully avoid laughing) at the shortness of it. It has a (very) nice upward curve though.
Only, how do you measure a bent hose?
<33
Rofl...
I don't even know what to say to this. I will say that I am very impressed that you didn't use the same term for "penis" more than once ;)
Lol this post had way too many different names for penis.
I hang out with all guys usually, and they talk about penises a lot. There are a lot of weird things they have said. One of my friends is apparently long enough to go around the world, but pin thin.
Boys are funny!
LOL AHAHHAA "giraffe necks" ROFL.
This one time I got really annoyed cuz one of my guyfriends is almost ALWAYS telling me about his errr, manhood. So, I asked him "what do you do, measure it with a freaking ruler?!" and he was like "uh... YEH, what do you do?! Measure the CIRCUMFERENCE?!"
HAHAHAHA... I cracked up after he said that
"let's call him Mike since that's his real name"
lol no confidentiality there! Good job knowing all the names for a schlong. The post would have been much boring without it.
I laughed my ass of from all the names and lets call him mick because that is his real name was funny as well
Well my recent ex always said that his was small but he was an 6 which is normal. Hell i thought it was big >.>