Monday, 10 August 2009

• "If a man has an opinion and a woman isn't around to hear it, is he still wrong?"

  I loved this quote from Neil: "If a man has an opinion and a woman isn't around to hear it, is he still wrong?"
  
  Why is it that when I describe how guys think in a post, some girls feel the need to tell me that I'm wrong?  I'll freely admit that I don't know much about how girls think.  But I definitely know a lot about how guys think, because I'm a guy and most of my friends are guys.
  
  Anyway I recently wrote a post about how guys usually don't use the words "cute", "nice", "adorable" and "great personality" to describe girls they are attracted to.  We got almost 3k views and closing in on 100 comments, most of them positive.   95% of the responses were from guys and girls that "got" the post, which was awesome. 
  
  But then there were certain girls who went out of their way to tell me that I was wrong about guys and the male brain.
  
  

      
  

  
  Sometimes I feel like certain girls deny that men ever have a shallow thought... and that "real men" have evolved past considering looks at all.
  
  Hmm, that doesn't jibe with my sense of things.  I consider myself a "real man".  I generally prefer plainer girls over hot honeys.  I greatly value personality, and only date strong, independent women.  I  don't read Maxim or Playboy, but I read the New Yorker every week and the New York Times every day.  And I would much rather have a great conversation with a witty woman than stare at a ridiculously hot stripper all night (well at least, 6 out of 7 days).
  
  And yet, when I meet a woman... I still generally assess her across my mental list of compliments: hot, sexy, beautiful, pretty, cute.  Does this make me a horrible human being?  No, it makes me a guy.
  
  There were a few misconceptions about guys (and my post) that I'd like to take this opportunity to clear up.  So here goes:
  
  KissMeImKati: Just because you comment on something other than a girl's personality, or you don't try to pretend that she's a supermodel, does not make it an insult. That's like saying anything other than astonishment at her looks is an insult. In other words, just because you don't say something is the best, is not akin to calling it crap. Plus, there ARE guys out there who are head-over-heels for girls they call cute or pretty. Not all are man-children who only think of women in terms of "hotness."
  
  I was referring specifically to when a guy first meets a girl.  Once love is involved, logic is out the window and the most hideous woman can transform into the most beautiful creature in the world.
  
  But that takes some time.  When a guy first meets a girl, his lizard brain will make it very clear if he is attracted to her.  That inner voice is very honest.  Even if you want to be "evolved", you can't change how your lizard brain thinks.  It's always there, constantly assessing.  You have to actively work to override it.
  
  MiladyMasked:  Wow, so there's nothing to be said for an actual great personality, since apparently you don't care?  Such bull.  Let's get some real men running this site since it is MANcouch-- note the absence of the word "boy" in the title. -
  
  I consider a great personally an essential part of a relationship!  But when a guy meets a girl and then describes her to someone else as having a "great personality"... they don't actually mean she has a great personality.  They are saying that she is plain or downright ugly.  I'm sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but it's the truth.
  
  Now if a guy has an incredible five hour dinner date and then tells someone else that she has a great personality... sure, maybe she really does have a great personality.  That's not the scenario here though.
  
  More from MiladyMasked: When I say "he has a great personality," that's one of the best (if not THE best) things I can say about him.  Looks come second to whether I can have a conversation with him, whether he makes me laugh, etc etc.
  
  You are referring to what girls say about guys.  I have no fricking idea what girls mean when they say what they do.  I'm a guy.  I can only tell you what guys think.
  
  As for what girls think... I have no idea why most of them date most of us guys.  Clearly looks come second for a lot of girls haha.
  
  nmi_kyla: Every rule has an exception. So here it is: My boyfriend often calls me cute/adorable/beautiful/gorgeous. He's always letting me know that I am definitely attractive in THAT way and that I have a great personality. This is pretty hilarious and a real eye opener. According to your post he must be full of shiiit, so thanks for letting me know. :)
  
  My post didn't apply to guys in relationships.  Love makes you say all kinds of things.  I can only speak for (most) guys within the first few minutes they meet girls... you know, while logic and hormones are still wrestling for control.  Logic and hormones us guys understand.  Once love gets involved, who fucking knows.
  
  I thought we'd end with my favorite comment: This is total bullshit to the max. Literally, nothing in here was on the mark at ALL. I'd go into details but I don't feel like typing all that out.
  
  I love your comment!  You went on the attack and called me an idiot, then refused to give any details that would allow me to counter your logic in any way.  I think I dated you once.  Or maybe you're my mother!
  

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