Friday, 31 July 2009
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What it's like to have a penis
Because it is a significant time spent alone performing routine tasks, the shower is often a site of creative thoughts. Because it is a place of nudity, sometimes these thoughts turn to one's own anatomy, and its place in one's life. In the shower this morning I came to realize something about gender, that ought to seem obvious—but is rarely considered: If you really want to understand what it is like to be a man, you must first understand what it is like to have a penis.
Men have a very complicated relationship to their genitals, and no doubt some have a different relationship than others. Still, certain common elements seem to arise continually.We love them, for they are a source of great joy and pleasure. They are far more convenient for urination than female organs, and we all recognize this. (Sometimes we flaunt it more than we should; it is, after all, quite random.) They are also very simple to understand, straightforward to arouse and pleasure. They don't require instructions the way that female genitals seem to; when told that many women don't know how to masturbate, we can only react with puzzlement: How can you not know how to masturbate? We have always known, it was so obvious from the beginning.
And yet we hate them, for they are a source of great suffering and tribulation. We are never sure if they are the right size and shape, whether they will work when expected, whether others will appreciate them. The hormones they secrete seek to control our minds, dominate our wills, make us spend every waking moment seeking mates and making offspring. At this male hormones seem far more powerful than female hormones, and thus many women are frustrated that their men spend so much time thinking about sex, and conversely many men are frustrated that their women seem uninterested in sex. Many hypotheses have been proposed to explain this difference—but as yet no clear conclusions present themselves. One thing is certain: It is not so much that a man's penis is is master, as that it wants to be his master, and he spends much of his life trying to throw off its yoke. Occasionally of course he will give in to its call, mainly for the release that this offers him.
We also fear to lose them, in the small ways of erectile dysfunction and premature ejaculation (that nearly all of us go through at some point or other), and in the larger ways of testicular cancer, castration, emasculation. Little frightens a man more than the prospect of losing his genitals; many (perversely?) would rather face death than emasculation. On a deep level we realize that it is these small organs (no matter how big yours is, it is still a small fraction of your body mass, unless you're a banana slug or a barnacle) that make us men as opposed to something else, and we fear what would happen should we lose this identity. A common euphemism for the penis is "manhood"; this is no coincidence, for we all realize that the two are very nearly synonymous.
With penises comes penetration. A surprising number of feminists have written about the inherent domination and patriarchy of sexual penetration; personally I am with Freud in thinking they are simply envious. There is nothing inherently unjust about penetration, even if it can be used unjustly in rape. It is simply a fact of our biology, as inescapable as our need for air and our incapacity for photosynthesis. And yet, like other facts of our biology, it does have ethical consequences. I am a vegetarian because I recognize the inherent immorality in my omnivorous biology, and this forces me to compensate on a daily basis for the nutrients I would naturally obtain from the flesh of other animals. Similarly, it may be that penetration has more moral consequences than we ordinarily admit, and we ought to be compensating for these consequences. Penetration does represent a certain domination—while penetrating someone one has a rather deep kind of control over them. This places the penetrating male in a position of power, but also a position of responsibility—even anxiety. Am I doing it right? Is she really enjoying this, or is she merely faking it? What could I do to do better? Any man who does not admit he has asked himself these questions during sex is almost certainly lying. This position of dominance can be played with, subverted, turned on its head; but in order to do that, one must first recognize its existence. Sex can be made equal, but it is not inherently equal, and can be made otherwise.
There are many paradoxes in a man's relationship with his penis, many quandaries few even consider and none can answer. At the same time that damage to the genitals is a man's greatest fear, it is also a source of humor—seriously, how many characters in films and TV shows have taken impacts to the testicles?—perhaps an attempt to defuse this fear through laughter. At the same time that a man's penis is his most prized possession (another euphemism explained: "family jewels"), it is also the source of his deepest fears and insecurities. To say that it is what defines his identity is not too far from the mark; rather, it is what makes his identity a man, and not a woman or something else entirely. The fragility of this status is not lost on any man, I am quite sure.
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About the Author
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- From: pnrj@xanga
- Name: Patrick
- Location: Ann Arbor, Michigan, United States
- About Me: I suppose I might as well begin with the mundane. I am a student with honors in the LS&A Residential College, University of Michigan in Ann Arbor, studying cognitive science. I was born in 1988. I have two cats, Dot and Shadow (my other cat, Fila, and my gecko, Fhloston, are now both deceased.) I write, I study, I live, I learn, I love. I am a complex, creative, and interdisciplinary individual, as my blog will clearly show.
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Comments (94)
It's days like this that I wonder if people have been snooping to what I've been playing on the tape deck in my car...
"Isn't it awfully nice to have a penis?
Isn't it frightfully good to have a dong?
It's swell to have a stiffy,
It's divine to own a dick.
From the tiniest little tadger
To the world's biggest prick!
So three cheers for your willy or John Thomas.
Hooray for your one-eyed trousers snake.
Your piece of pork, your wife's best friend,
Your Percy or your cock.
You can wrap it up in ribbons,
You can slip it in your sock.
Just don't take it out in public,
Or they will put you in the dock
...And you won't
come
back." - Monty Python Sings
I miss the old Mancouch.
THIS DID NOT ANSWER THE INITIAL QUESTION DAMNIT D<
@silverlocket_88@xanga - What was the old Mancouch like?
"If you really want to understand what it is like to be a man, you must first understand what it is like to have a penis."
Ha! If you want to understand what it is like to be a woman, you must first understand what it is like to have a clitoris. Unlike the penis, the clitoris serves no procreational function, it is simply there as a tool for pleasure, it is what leads up to multiple, inexhaustible orgasms. With a clitoris, we need no "resting time", as you penis-possessors call it.
"At this male hormones seem far more powerful than female hormones, and thus many women are frustrated that their men spend so much time thinking about sex, and conversely many men are frustrated that their women seem uninterested in sex."
With this logic the women I know are either gender-stereotyped men or they are very exclusive exceptions to the rule. Women spend a lot more time thinking about sex in ways that men will never comprehend. What differs between men and women, from an observational standpoint, is our behavior and how we express ourselves. The worst of men (which is the majority), in my experience, spend more time being Mr. Brotastic in their beer-goggled glory, oogling any snaggle-toothed skank while checking out the buns of all ongoing passerby's. Women on the otherhand spend a lot more time secretly thinking about screwing our bosses and professors, or that hot cop that pulled us over, or perhaps our husband's best man... or better yet, our husband's sister (for some of us)! But, collectively, we would never tell you that because our opinions are usually obsolete and every time a woman speaks up, she is considered a radical feminist with hairy arm pits.
Ultimately what every woman demands in a relationship is devotion and unconditional respect. We are not offended by your overtly sexual nature, we are offended by your dehumanizing remarks and your tendency to fancy other people. And for the record, we are not uninterested in sex, we're most likely just uninterested in having sex with YOU.
*Helpful tip*
For most women, vaginal intercourse does not lead up to an orgasm. So keep plowing away to do your beating because we've been putting on charades to make the process faster. If you want to give us the maximum amount of pleasure to keep us wanting more of you, simply give to us the amount of effort you would want us to give to you. Ask questions, rub our clits, refrain from using our nipples as turning dials, and be generous.
It's enlightening to know that men feel some of the same anxieites and pride with their genitals as women do with theirs. [:
@ourdystopia@xanga - Love this. Simply love it. That's all I can say.
@Skepticish@xanga - LMAO! I'd forgotten about that one. Good ol' monty python.
This was a very interesting post!
@ourdystopia@xanga - Baha my boyfriend tried for a year to give me a clitoral orgasm until one day while he was licking my clit, he realized I was reacting a hell of a lot better to fingering, and he jackhammered his way to my first orgasm with him.
Now all he has to do to make me orgasm several times is thrust really hard for 20, 30 seconds. :]
I feel slightly guilty that I get so many more orgasms than he does now...but oh well.
well said, my good man! well said!
@ourdystopia@xanga - fabulous response.
Tee hee, you said "penis". :D
- Kunoichi
interesting, now explain what it's like to have a boner.
@ourdystopia@xanga - hahahaha, if there was a like button, i'd be pressing the hell out of it [:
@ourdystopia@xanga - fascinating response.
@BlackJackBebe@xanga - I concur.
this has to be the most intelligently worded discussion on penises haha seriously
@ourdystopia@xanga - haha.. nice one!
@JusT_AhNaTa_cHiNeeZ@xanga - hehe x
@ourdystopia@xanga - rofl
This was... enlightening.
@ourdystopia@xanga - umm this was about the penis.. the holy instrument of gods own creation... what do we have to say about women and their body parts? f*ck them.. heh... we do... seriously.. if i was ever re-incarnated as a woman.. i would shoot myself first chance..
It is user friendly LOL
uhm. i still have no idea what it's like to have a penis.
stop being so damn philosophical and just answer the question the title said you were going to.
..... having a penis also means that we don't read giant block blogs unless it has hot girl pictures on it.
@InTheThin@xanga - you are so lucky