Friday, 31 July 2009
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The Perks of Being a Vampire
As some of you may know, I'm pretty obsessed with True Blood. I've been recommending it to everyone I know, watching old episodes with series n00bs, and damn near peeing myself whenever I think about the upcoming episodes every week. In my opinion, it's the best new series since Dexter. So when my friend asked me the other night why anyone would ever want to be a vampire, I should have had a pretty good answer, right?
There are lots of pros and cons involved with living as an undead blood-sucking creature of the night. The way I explained the perks of being a vampire to my friend was by breaking it down into these two categories, starting with the cons.ConsThe biggest negative of vampirism is probably its most universal stereotype: vampires burn in the sun. Unless you follow the retarded Twilight rules, vampires explode or combust when in sunlight. While there are different vampiric legends out there with conflicting explanations, the most convincing reason I've ever encountered is that, since vampires can't regenerate skin cells, their bodies just instantly mutate. There are no functioning circulatory or respiratory systems to control body temperature, so the sunlight causes their bodies to overheat to the point of combustion. And--again, other than in Twilight, that indefensible waste of paper and celluloid--every major vampire series recognizes that vamps can't go out during the day.
So, the sunlight thing is a pretty big con. Other biggies: super sensitivity to sensory stimulation (which can be a good thing), the inability to enter private property without permission (which is totally avoidable--see below), and the inability to stay with loved ones who won't age like you (unless they're vampires too). While you can't ever eat food again, Ann Rice has taught us that there is no pleasure in the world that even comes close to that of drinking blood. So even though bloodsucking may seem like an distasteful pastime right now, I'm sure it would look a lot different when you're staring at a pulsing artery with an empty vampiric stomach. In perhaps the nastiest con, since there's no fluid in your system other than blood, everything that you emit is blood. Think about it: every fluid you emit is blood. Get it yet? Good. Moving on.ProsObviously, the most significant benefit of vampirism is the whole immortality thing. Other than sunlight or a stake in the heart, you're pretty much untouchable. True Blood has some crap in there about susceptibility to silver, but everyone knows that's werewolves only, kthnxbye. Not only are you immortal, but you get stronger and faster as the years go on: the opposite of human aging! Plus, if you get bitten at the right time, you could be young and attractive for the rest of eternity.
What if you're unattractive? Have no fear! Vampires have the ability to glamour mortals, to super-seduce a human to the point of doing literally anything for you. Say goodbye to speeding tickets and romantic rejection! While you can't really make money through anything but working graveyard shifts (nyuck nyuck nyuck), you'd have no problem convincing a human to transfer all of their funds to you. Besides, what do you need money for? Your food, drink, pleasure, and fun are all just a vein away.Conclusion
Being a vampire would kick ass. The pros totally outweigh the cons. While you may not be able to see your family again, you could give them all the gift of eternal life and allow them to join you on your endless journey. Hell, some people are thrilled with the notion of never seeing their families again.
What about you, Mancoucheteers? Would you accept the gift of eternal life by becoming a vampire?
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- From: will
- Name: Will
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Comments (34)
yes. especially if Bill was around.
Some things I might point out.
I'm not a christian, but if I were I would oppose vampirism, and this is because the idea of immortality is in opposition to God's will. So God + vampire does not mix.
Also, a lot of vampires seem to express that being a vampire sucks. Also, they're usually evil and quite often get hunted down (and killed).
I wouldn't want some angry scientists on my back for eternity.
Regardless, I think it would be cool being a vampire, it would never get old. (get it? eh eh?)
Hmm is there love as a vampire? I assume there is a little bit. If that's the case then sure I'll take on Vampirism if my love comes with me. Eternal life/love with a slight flaw. I'd probably work at some Blood bank.
Lawlz. I don't have that kind of cable to see it.
since when is immortality a good thing?
hm yes. i'd be the ultimate historian. i'd love it. [geek out]
I wouldn't want to be like the vampires in 30 Days of Night. Those aren't exactly the stereotypical vampires everyone knows and loves. You're basically just a friggin' cannibal.
But if it was a stereotypical vampire, probably.
Fuck Twilight.
Yeah, stab me baby.
I'm disappointed you used a picture from that ''waste of celluloid'' movie 30 Days of Night instead of Interview with the Vampire...
And living forever only seems badass because we aren't able to do it....
Other than that... if I could bite people as sensually as Tom Cruise does... I suppose it wouldn't be too bad.
first of all, id like to say your awesome lol, this post was totally random, pointless and amazing !! lol
but yess for suree i would become a vampire in a second, as long as i get edward for all times. (shutt it, he rocks)
definitly would not want to become one if it was anything like 30 days of night, ew. they are ugly and weird.
but yes i would love to live the life of the cullens, they are all perfect. plus i would just make all my family and friends vampires. obvii
@ViciousGrin63@xanga - im so sure, your just trying to act all cool like "ohh i hate twilight, blah blah blah" only because it is soo popular, and everyone loves it; and your just trying to stand out. you know you cant say anything bad about it, its amazing, the end.
ps. if your havnt read the saga or watched the movie, (or watched the movie without reading the saga), you have no room to speak
twilight is a load of crap. never seen true blood but heard it was beast ;D
@xo__crazybeautiful@xanga - ACTUALLY, anybody who likes twilight is either a hopeless romantic who gets off on the idea of dirty young men sparkling in the sunlight, or a person that has never read a REAL book without flat, two-dimensional characters and a plot that is incredibly reminiscent of every other preteen-geared book, save for the nice little werewolves vs. vampire trend and the fact that the main character begs the other main character for sex. although, the number of prostitots is on the rise; perhaps it's a contributing factor- although that is a whole other idea altogether.
just because there is a SERIES involved doesn't mean that they are good.
not to even mention the fact that it's almost become the "cool" thing, as you put it, to hate twilight. i highly doubt they were trying to "stand out" by saying Fuck Twilight.
FUCK. TWILIGHT.
@chayswag@xanga - Twilight, New Moon, Eclipse , and Breaking Dawn are all AMAZING !! I LOVE THEM. end of story.
ps. i got bored half way through reading your reply =] haha, try and be a little less boring hun
@XxRainyxMondayxX@xanga - Since when isn't it!
@xo__crazybeautiful@xanga - ;D that's cute. i think someone's simply upset because not everyone thinks that precious, nonexistent edward cullen is a bland character. how old are you? 14? actually, your age doesn't matter; the fact that you actually think that those full-of-shit "books" are decent ruins it all anyway.
you likely got bored halfway through because your mind couldn't process anything besides poorly written dialogue between characters as silly as you (:
@chayswag@xanga - haha umm no actually im 18, nice try though. i don't know why you think twilight is just for 14 year old's? haha its popular among all age groups and a lot of guys.
i would stop replying because i really could care less about what you have to say, but your just so damn entertaining haha. especially when you say words like "silly", haha how old are you, 5?
so you have read all the books then, since your commenting on its poorly written dialogue? hmm , interesting. you hate the saga, and yet you have read all the books.
i think someone secretly loves the twilight saga, and because all her friends hate them, naturally being a follower, decides to join them in hating something she secretly loves. especially her hopeful future hubby, edward.
you need to come out of the closet hun, the "i hate twilight closet, that is"
=]
@chayswag@xanga - AND just for shits and giggles, i will be the first one there to support you when you lose all your fellow twilight hater friends :P
@xo__crazybeautiful@xanga - for 18, you do sound mighty illiterate. poor grammar and sentence structure as well...and to think, you're actually trying to convince yourself that I'M the five-year-old because i use a word like 'silly'!
the majority of the adults i know (i'm not talking about my mother or neighbors, i'm talking about my professors, bosses, etc.) who have read it all got a good laugh from it, and my english professor was as disgusted as i was and went so far as to take a red pen to her copy. and guys? are they gay? because personally, out of all the boys that i associate with, none of them think that twilight is worth any more than a pile of newspapers to burn. the only reasonably "nice" thing they have to say about it is, and i quote, "edward sure did use that vampire thing to his advantage to get pussy!".
i've gotten all of the books from my library and picked chapters out of each to read randomly, and was by no means impressed. and actually, the majority of my friends think that it's a "decent" series, so if i was truly into the books, i would have plenty of other atypical girls just like you (um, follower? considering you're one of MILLIONS of people bouncing around arguing about something that has no argument because there was not enough decent material inside to even attempt and piece together any sort of counter-argument to speak of.)
edward cullen does not exist. you are an idiot, and i don't use that word lightly. but you are. it's stupid and pointless to fantasize about a fictional character.
@chayswag@xanga - are you kidding me? dont try and act like a teacher here, what do you grade how everyone writes when they are not in school. i obviously know proper sentence structure and which words need to have capitals and not to create run on sentences, but really the truth is, when im not in school and im talking on xanga or msn or fb , i could care LESS. sorry fucking nerd over here. do i get a D- ?
now your throwing out gay comments. wow yourr really low.
and who says im sitting there fantisizing about a ficitonal character. LMFAO. good one !!
i love how you try to act more adult by using professors and bosses, yaa i have a boss too. and i can just go talk to my uncle he is a professor, oh but wait, he is not an english professor, he is a botonist and a biology professor, so i guess that wouldnt work. lmfao at least he has a life outside of being a professor to take a red pen to the books lmfao.
ohh my, i just love my grammer and spelling and sentence structure. haha i must be a little kid for enjoying my summer and not acting like a total nerd on xanga picking apart how people write when they are not being marked.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u9_kahA_wQo
heres a video DEDICATED to you, you should join them
@xo__crazybeautiful@xanga -
i can definitely act like a teacher if you're under the impression that i'm a five-year-old because i used the word silly. yes, you do get a D-.
gay comments? it was simply a question. i was asking if they were gay. if you're going to read so far into that and say that i was calling your guy friends gay, then so be it. i don't know how your mind works. if i did, perhaps i could actually figure out why you like dumpy "novels".
as for not fantasizing about a fictional character, you said this in an earlier comment:
"but yess for suree i would become a vampire in a second, as long as i get edward for all times"
...right. not fantasizing at all.
she used the red-pen day as an explanation for how NOT to write. it was in class, not outside of school. i may be a "total nerd" (why? because i choose to actually form sentences outside of college?), but at least i sound intelligent and not like some third-grade asshat. and i'm only "picking you apart" because you thought it'd be cool to be an ass to somebody who, god forbid, didn't like the same things as you.
and why would i bother even clicking on a link that a) wasn't even hyperlinked so that it's clickable, and b) was offered by someone who can't even use punctuation?
i never said you were a little kid for enjoying your summer (if that's what you call defending a piece-of-shit series); stop putting words in peoples' mouths. it's immature.
you're obviously outclassed. now, take your D- and run along like a good little fangirl and go drool over a a character in a book again. i've spent enough time on you and your obvious inability to comprehend anything above a junior high reading level.
I find this statistic pretty true that most Twilight fans like Lady Gaga... enough said.
@chayswag@xanga - wow your so cool now. what is this extra credit for college? go outside of school and pick apart the way people write outside of college.
and the funny thing to is, that even if i wanted to write properly, i could care less. im going to college to be a nurse, im a lot smarter when it comes to biology and chemistry then english. thats why maybe i dont care enough to write properly outside of school haha
im sorry i didnt make it SUPER easy for you to watch the video. bcuz i didnt hyperlink it. lmfao. i dont even know how to do that, and i dont even care. i didnt think it was asking too much to copy/paste it in your web browser. aha guess so?
i think you just need to calm down before your head explodes lmfao, your taking this WAY to seriously.
and get a hobby, besides being the grammar police
kthx
ps. ive also wasted enough time on your lame replys, so go ahead, have the last word.. idc. but yeaa i wont reply anymore bcuz this is a huge waste of my time
pcee biiiitchh im outtieee
@xo__crazybeautiful@xanga - i wish this was extra credit for college; i'd be getting a fuck ton of it for taking everything you're trying to say in hopes of redeeming yourself and ripping it to shreds. you've deviated 100% from the original topic (likely because you've finally gotten it through your evidently thick head that i will win.). as for being a nurse; i'm going to college to be a dental hygienist- which means i'm extremely proficient in all things dental alongside being able to sound literate. guess what- a nurse still has to know basic english, in case you weren't aware. i do hope you weren't trying to impress anyone with the fact that you're going to school to be a nurse; you're obviously not one yet so you can take whatever intelligence points you think that lends you and shove it right up your ass. and just so you know, "outside of school" does count as your future workplace, so i would advise making sure that your resume doesn't look anything like your attempts at trying to beat me at an argument.
...you don't know how to hyperlink a video? really? considering there's a BUTTON for it right above the comment box. for future reference, it's the one with the LINK on top of the earth. but then again, you'd have to take your head out of edward cullen's ass to be able to see that, wouldn't you?
a hobby? like what? reading twilight? no thank you. my hobbies are ones that are worthwhile, and i find reading the words of incompetent people to not only be hilarious, but mildly stress-relieving given the fact that i can be happy that at least i'm not as hopeless as they are.
why yes, i believe i will take you up on your offer of having the last word. again- you know you're outclassed, and it's obvious. goodnight (:
ughcommentwarsblahblahblahoverit.
to get back to the actual post, i think it'd be pretty freaking sweet to get to choose whether or not to be a vampire. it's important to remember that the vampire mythos as we perceive it evolved mostly from bram stoker's Dracula, which was in turn inspired by a short story written by john polidori (i think he was lord byron's doctor, one of the people at that famous gathering where byron, percy and mary shelley, and byron's ladyfriend all got together; it was there that mary shelley started what later became Frankenstein). but given all of the vampire limitations that you mentioned, yeah, i'd still be in. i think it'd be amazing to be able to watch the advancement of technology over centuries rather than decades. besides, i really am more of a night owl anyway. :)
I'm not comfortable harming others for personal gain, and I enjoy being out in the sun, so being a vampire would be hell for me. Also, outliving everyone you know and love? No thanks. Sure, I could fall in love over and over again, but I imagine it would get old after awhile and I would miss True Love #33 too much to want to go on.