Sunday, 26 July 2009

• 10 Girls That Can Easily Replace Whatshername (Part 1)

  Let me be blunt. I don't know a thing and a half about M#$%@ F&!, All I ever know is about her sexuality and how it is basically pushed into the foreground by Lovelyish and Transformers alike. I'm even lucky to bump into her name looking up Chinese Astrology. (In case you were wondering, she is a Monkey sign, like Beyonce. But I digress.) I still don't know a thing about her, because now that she has gotten both so popular and gained so many women wanting to kick her, that it is smart of me never to even get into it.

  Now, don't get me wrong, I think "She who Cannot Be Named" looks nice. Her eyes suggests a bit of romance, here to there. But even I have the power to freakin' resist her. (Jessica Alba, and even Edward Cullen shows that Taurus men and women are pretty dang attractive, aren't they?)

  Now, I didn't really want to make this list. Listing names of hot women isn't really my style, but after that SheWhoCannotBeNamed ordeal, I decided to take action. In order to help Mancouch and extract them of their bits of wussery, me and Xanga all around came up with lists of celebrity girls that can easily wipe the floor with her. Not just as a means of looking good, but there is more to her than her obvious sexuality. 

  There will be 2 lists, one I made and one that Xanga helped me make. What makes this list a little better is that men AND women answered part 2 together. I accepted more than one answer, as long as there is an explanation.

  Here are some examples:

  
  

  
  Gabrielle Union
  Sign: Scorpio
  Smart, selective, sexy, played a witty shrew in Deliver Us From Eva. She originally wanted to become a physician, before modeling and acting. How come Mancouch hasn't covered her much?
  

  

  Joan Jett
  Sign: Virgo
  Don't tell me you don't find a girl who has been rocking a guitar for a while, paving the way for your favorite riot grrl or girl rock artists, pretty enticing.

  

  Carmen Electra
  Sign: Taurus
  Here's the thing. I was going to hold off on listing Carmen and all Taurus women, because she, Jessica A., and...um, whatsername are a hat trick in a list of addictive Taureans.  Right above Jessica in the list. But I'll do it anyway. Since we are going by the standards, we will put up the girl known for Singled Out, romancing Ed in Good Burger, and appearing in her share of Scary Movie and other bafflingly successful spoofs (Meet The Spartans).

  

  Rocsi Diaz
  Sign: Scorpio
  She was once a co-host of 106 and Park, but isn't being in a few rap videos, and being featured on the front page of KING Magazine. I know you like models. (King is the predominantly Afro-American version of Stuff or maxim.)

  

  Roisin Murphy
  Sign: Cancer
  She has a taste for fashion and clothing strange enough to earn her an internship next to Grace Jones, but she is not a model. She is a dance-pop singer, and her voice is not too showoffy or flat. She IS the most underrated songstress in the UK to American audiences.

  

  Lauren London
  Sign: Sagittarius
  OK, I admit it. What I know is that she acted in the impressive ATL and This Christmas. And she's also a model and spokesperson for Diddy's clothing line. She is also featured in the critically bashed I Love You, Beth Cooper. Best of all, there is no way you can pin a conspiracy about her being both an actress and a fembot. Right?

  

  Emmanuelle Chriqui (sic)
  Sign: Sagittarius
  Here we go. Well, she was the object of affection in Snow Day, Mancouch discussed her place in Entourage, and she also was the object in Zohan. Anyone who is constantly the girlfriend or the object of affection in a TV show or a movie basically wins a spot by default on Mancouch, don't they?

  

  Zooey Deschanel
  Sign:  Libra
  Is it because she is currently engaged to DCFC's Ben Gibbard that you haven't said much about this singer/actress/indie-loving nerd's dream woman?

  

  Lois Griffin
  She was a supermodel, the object of Peter Griffin's affection, the woman that makes Quagmire's soldier stand at attention,...even Brian, a dog, has a crush on this woman.

   

  

  la_faerie_joyeuse

  Okay, okay. She's not a celebrity. But not only does she have the hourglass curves Mancouch probably visits daily, and the razorsharp wit and realness that would make Peaches want to take her on the road, she even sent me her own list of how many women can replace MF in a heartbeat.

  "I'm going to go with Scarlett Johansson, Kim Kardashian (even though she's definitely still trashy, she's much hotter than MF), Halle Berry,...I also think xNicolax is hotter than MF. I also think *I'm* hotter than MF!". (la_faerie_joyeuse)

  There you have it. And that is an example of someone who gave me examples of girls who are probably more attention-worthy, if by chance you had to stick into the shallow vein. And because most of you scolded the heck out of the list of women I openly crushed on.

  The list that everyone else came up with will come soon. If any of you wants to helps me, tell me who you think can is hotter than MF and possibly worth more ink and mention, and I will post the best ones and the best explanations up for you. I can't do everybody.

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