It's come to my attention now for a while that women seem to like jerky men, not complete assholes but jerks. I've always wondered about that and discussed with friends. When asked why not the nice guys, their replies are almost the same... "he's too nice" or "I need someone to keep me on my toes". So they want someone that could every now and then treat them like shit I suppose instead of the perfect guy.
This here then falls into the friend zone, when the guy is immediately seen as a really nice guy then the poor bastard could kiss his chance goodbye for he has landed in the friend zone or the too nice zone. This here, the woman would come to these guys for support and comfort whenever their "jerk" apparently is doing the "jerk" thing. And thus the "nice" guy that probably actually likes the woman is just there seeing how the "jerk" has wronged the girl he's been liking or "loved" for a long time. Then she goes on and break up with the "jerk" or leaves him, usually blinded that the guy right next to her can do her right and such.
I personally can admit and say I'm one of those "nice" guys.
The guy that everyone asks a favor of and he seems to do it. The guy that sometimes people take advantage of and take for granted. The guy that you'd probably call late at night to come get you if you're too drunk at a party, the one who you might count on for an emergency or such. And the guy who would like a girl but she'd never see him that way because he's too "nice" or she sees him as a brother type of person.
I've seen and taken notice to this and i'd like to change for once, to be the guy that the girl likes, to be the one that everyone is excited to see, to i guess be the "cool" guy because he's not such a pushover. I've tried changing this forcefully, but it just doesn't happen i naturally am a pushover, stepped on all over by everyone and the one that people tend to look over or look past. Tired of this, i actually have prayed to be different. I want to be a jerk, to be noticed, to be non-categorized, to be a candidate in the world of competition for mates, work, and in life.
Fuck being a nice guy, they all really do finish last. When I finally get out of this place i'd like to go somewhere far and cut off and comeback and be a whole new me. No more of that shit, but this is only talk, I need to become different like the guy in yes man and just say no every now and then. Tired of this feeling of being used, unnoticed, and unrespected.
Jerk it...
Comments (31)
Do not become a jerk!! First of all, women do NOT want jerks. They just want guys who aren't the brotherly type. You are right about that. You don't have to be a bully to change how people view you. If you do try for the jerk route, I think you'll end up disappointed.
I think all you have to do is be more confident. Try lots of new things. Hang out with different people. And yes, you are allowed to say no to people. You don't always have to be the shoulder to cry on. Spare some time for you too.
I happen to like nice guys so don't lose all of that.
The argument about needing someone "to keep me on my toes" makes a lot of sense, except many of us ladies have difficulty distinguishing that kind of guy (sarcastic, quick-witted, etc.) from one who is just an ass.
Do things on your own schedule, say no to things you don't want to do, and don't try to be friends first before you make a move.
I used to be a "nice guy" pushover who would let you call at any hour to cry on my shoulder, then I got more assertive, cut out the people who would only call me when they needed something, and basically began dealing with girls on my terms rather than letting them dictate the tempo of the courtship. And guess what? Things changed for the better.
Maybe for you, the easiest change to make would be to say no every now and then when people ask you for favors. Some guys (and girls) are naturally more passive. Not everyone has to be the aggressive leader type. But just because you are not naturally a leader or the charismatic type doesn't mean you have to be a pushover. If the same girls are always asking you for favors and you'd rather do something else at that moment, just do that something else and say you're busy. That instantly makes you less of a pushover and more mysterious.
I don't know what kind of women you have been running into , but they don't represent all women . Some of us prefer the nice guy . I am perfectly capable of keeping myself on my toes , sounds like you don't need to change anything exept the women you are attracted to , try going off the beaten path your use to and see what you find laying on the side of the road , you may be surprised .
jus wants to use that line from the song.. your a jerk... and smoothly reply in a dark sexy voice.. i know...
What I've found is these so called "nice guys" who don't seem to have much luck with women are just INSECURE. Most times, they don't have the balls to ask the girl on a proper date. They rarely clearly state what they want (her). They're too afraid of rejection, and of ruining their "friendship" to do anything. They tag along when she goes shopping or hangs out with her and listens to her, but never do anything that actually brings up the possibility of a relationship. And you know what, as time goes on and you don't ask her out or at least flirt with her... she either assumes you're not interested, or you're a huge wuss -- in which case, she is not interested. And that's when we put you in the friend zone.
The guys I've liked have all been very nice to me, and treat everyone around them with respect. They're NICE, but they're not "nice guys". What they have, and what nice guys don't have, is an air of confidence -- sometimes seen as arrogance. They like themselves for who they are. They know what they want out of life, and they go after it.
so quit bitching and get on with the confidence building already.
@turn_about_the_room@xanga - What's the brotherly type? And plus, I think the idea of being a jerk is going to get them a name of bedroom bully, but a relationship?
I, for one, am doneeee with jerks. I really want a nice guy, I just can't seem to find any around here.
There is nothing wrong with being nice ! you'll find a girl who likes you for just you.
Good luck, brother. Jerkdom is worth it.
Please...grow up and stop accepting these stereotypes about women liking jerks.
A real woman does not settle for a jerk. Would you rather give up who you are to become some douchebag for a pathetic girl, or would you want a woman who will respect you and love you for who you are? Is finishing first or last that important to you, or are you willing to wait to get the very best?
I'll admit, I don't like pushovers. A lot of girls don't. But I certainly don't like jerks with super-sized egos and no respect for others, either. There's nothing wrong with being compassionate towards girls that you care about, but don't forget to exert some confidence in who you are.
Your argument is just like one coming from a girl like me watching jerks ogling some tramp. Instead of complaining about it though, I just decided that if they were dumb enough to fall for a girl like her, then they're not really worth my attention. It sounds mean the way I put it, but I don't have a high tolerance for immaturity.
I do have a tendency to be more jerkish with girls I like. Oh no, I've said too much! *runs off*
@Roadlesstaken@xanga - YOU A JERK? psh hahhahahahahahah
:P
anyways..jerk it, jerk off. don't change who you are to be accept for what you're not. that's all i gotta say
@immaairheadxl@xanga - haha why is that so unbelievable? I love picking on my close friends
@Roadlesstaken@xanga - cuz ur mr. hopeless romantic on Xangaaaaaaaa :)
no, i'm a jerk. LOL..i think you have a clue of my personality by now.."ish"
@immaairheadxl@xanga - perhaps a slight clue
. I'm a pragmatic romantic, there's a different!
Jerks weren't made for long lasting relationships, stay the nice guy!
@Roadlesstaken@xanga - haha, and I'm innocent<3
there's nothing wrong with wanting to be with a guy who's a jerk, there's always a nice side to them, they just don't tell anyone about it.
If you want to change so badly, then why not do something a little different once in awhile? Change something about yourself, little by little.
Tired of this feeling of being used, unnoticed, and unrespected.
then whenever you detect the person who you're talking to is just using or disrespecting you, say no. you say that you have a hard time changing yourself- you dont have to completely change yourself, just change the part about you being a pushover. whenever you feel like saying yes, quickly remind yourself of the pain that you get whenever you get completely used and draw strength from that to say no. gluck man.
I don't think you need to necessarily become more of a "jerk." It's not that women actually seek out jerks or truly want to date someone who is mean. We want somebody who will be a man. This is a pretty bad metaphor, but it always seems to be the best one for explaining it....
If you look back into the caveman days, women couldn't marry someone who was too sensitive (as most "nice" guys are) because the women needed someone they could count on to protect them and their offspring. They didn't say, "Oh, well, you're the nicest guy so I'll marry you..." instead, they looked to the biggest brute they could and said "Well, I know you're not always nice, but if a sabertooth comes to the cave entrance, I know you'll be able to save us." This is terrible example, though, because back then, the men would just club the women on the heads and that was that... still, though, I think it explains itself well.
It's not that we don't want someone to be nice to us... the whole idea of romance kills that theory. We want someone to look at us and say, "Stop being a bitch" when we're being a bitch. We want someone who isn't afraid to piss us off sometimes and we want someone who can stand up for himself when he knows he's being walked on. We also someone to hold us when we're sad and cuddle on the couch. We are very complex creatures, but I truly believe this sums up a lot of what women feel... at least it does for all the women I know.
And nice guys don't always finish last... my boyfriend of four years is "nice" guy.
@Steph - Perfectly said.