Sex Scenes That Aren't Sexy.

Tuesday, 14 July 2009

Sex Scenes That Aren't Sexy.

This obviously isn't from a movie, but it gets my point across.

In general, sex scenes in mainstream movies are meant to entice, right? Sometimes, however, they fall a bit short. I stumbled across a list of five sex scenes in movies that, quite simply, aren't sexy. I don't think I'm allowed to post any of the videos here, but the list includes scenes from:

*Showgirls
*Titanic
*Purple Rain (Prince is a lot closer to "creepy" than he is "sexy," no?
*Two other movies that I had never heard of.

However, after thinking about it, I came to realize: 2009 might be the year of unsexy sex scenes.

In just over six short months, we've had these gems in theaters:

My Bloody Valentine 3D. Besides being in 3D, there wasn't a whole lot memorable about this flick... except for the most random of scenes, an awkward sex scene with a trucker and hooker in a motel that gave way to a naked chase. Seriously, just read that last sentence again, and don't see the movie.

Donkey Punch. THIS WAS A REAL MOVIE. It was in limited theatrical release early on this year, and I absolutely did not have the guts to buy a ticket. Frankly, I didn't want to tell my friends "Yeah, I spent $10 to see Donkey Punch. So what?"
Moving on.

The Jonas Brothers: The 3D Concert Experience. The most vile scene on the list. Sickening.

Watchmen. A whole lot about this movie was disappointing, but I have to think that the weirdest scene was when Nite Owl and Silk Spectre awkwardly (seriously, it was unbelievably awkward) got together to, of all songs, "Hallelujah" by Leonard Cohen. If you were there and listened closely, you could totally hear audiences cringing.

Crank: High Voltage. I didn't actually see this movie or the next one on the list, but I remember there being an unbelievably public intimate moment in the first one, and I have to assume something like that happened in the second.

Finally, Bruno. All I keep hearing about is how people keep walking out of this movie. Whether it's because it's bad, or because people are grossed out over a certain scene that's been getting a lot of buzz, I'm not sure.

I ask you guys and girls in tongue twister form: what is the "least sexy" sex scene you've ever seen?

A couple notes: I felt kind of weird/pervy about writing this. I also felt like I was 13 for giggling when I typed "sexy sex" out. Also, I can guarantee that Google won't be showing ads on this post. Sorry, Mancouch bosses!

Finally, my nominee for the least sexy sex scene (there it is again!) is the one from A History of Violence on the stairs. It just looks painful.

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Comments (38)

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Shark Attack 3: Megaladon.
Prelude:
Girl: "Man, I'm so pumped up for tomorrow."
Man: "Yeah. How about you come over and I'll eat your pussy?"
Cut immediately to extremely uncomfortably doughy, white sex.
- 7/14/2009 5:37 PM
- GodlessLiberal@xanga (message)
- reply
Links to youtube clips would help... XD
- 7/14/2009 5:40 PM
- RunningMan42@xanga (message)
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lmfao @ donkey punch. i totally know what that is, not because it has happened to me. i read it somewhere. hahaha.
crank 2's sex scene was on a horse racing track and the crowd was cheering for them. lmfao. it was seriously stupid.
xo
- 7/14/2009 5:46 PM
- JessxMaxine@xanga (message)
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Underworld. Scott Speedman and Kate Beckinsale... major fail. It looked like he was trying to f*** her belly button, haha.
- 7/14/2009 5:57 PM
- n1colee@xanga (message)
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@GodlessLiberal@xanga - Glad I'm not the only one who's seen that.
- 7/14/2009 5:59 PM
- yourblondeness@xanga (message)
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hahahah donkey punch!

ka pow!!
- 7/14/2009 6:11 PM
- immaairheadxl@xanga (message)
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@yourblondeness@xanga - So that makes a grand total of two people who have seen it.
- 7/14/2009 6:24 PM
- GodlessLiberal@xanga (message)
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donkey punch. ahaha
- 7/14/2009 6:32 PM
- ordinary_gir1@xanga (message)
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I Agree 100% with the Watchmen scene. I almost had to look away it was just so awful. Like watching with your mother or something.
I can't think of any other totes awk sex scenes right now. I wanna say 300. It was just too funny. haha
- 7/14/2009 6:37 PM
- GiantUnicorn@xanga (message)
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Watchmen did have horrible sex scenes, and totally innappropriate music to go along. The Bloody Valentine crap was so stupid. She's just buttnaked...for no reason, other than to have someone naked in the film. I mean, come on. Ugh.
- 7/14/2009 6:59 PM
- discoxapples@xanga (message)
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@GodlessLiberal@xanga - 3. I watched it with a friend. BTW, you should totally rent Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus.
- 7/14/2009 7:05 PM
- yourblondeness@xanga (message)
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I had no clue people were walking out of Bruno-I've heard a lot of mixed things about the movie.
- 7/14/2009 7:08 PM
- dragon_king@xanga (message)
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@yourblondeness@xanga - Rent it? I own it!
- 7/14/2009 7:16 PM
- GodlessLiberal@xanga (message)
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Totally agree!
- 7/14/2009 8:20 PM
- supernatural1320@xanga (message)
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I'm sure the scene from A History of Violence was painful--he practically raped her! On stairs! Double no-no.
- 7/14/2009 8:26 PM
- Ampersands_Anonymous@xanga (message)
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I thought Bruno was hilarious. But I understand most people wouldn't be into it. lol
- 7/14/2009 8:38 PM
- MangoWOW@xanga (message)
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Man, I saw Watchmen and I gotta tell you- that "Hallelujah" sex scene was AWKWARD. *shivers*
- 7/14/2009 9:02 PM
- Lynnjynh9315@xanga (message)
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For the Watchmen movie, that's how it was in the comic. It was a lot funnier in the comic... just so you know.
But there are a lot of awkward scenes in movies. I'd have to agree that the Bloody Valentine scene with the trucker and a naked chase was so unnecessary. You don't have to have a naked chase scene to have a naked girl in a movie!
- 7/14/2009 9:06 PM
- xjadersx@xanga (message)
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@immaairheadxl@xanga - If this was Facebook, I would click like!
- 7/14/2009 9:20 PM
- AznFier@xanga (message)
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The Jonas Brothers? I really really can't tell if this is was sarcasm/a joke or not.
- 7/14/2009 9:39 PM
- Kaythan@xanga (message)
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Dude, I can't believe you said that about A History of Eastern Existenz Ringers. You KNOW how I love that scene.
- 7/14/2009 9:48 PM
- Kristina
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ew donkey punch.
- 7/14/2009 11:29 PM
- turnyalightsdownlow@xanga (message)
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the Titanic sex scene was hawt :O
- 7/14/2009 11:37 PM
- herecomesthemoon@xanga (message)
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@GodlessLiberal@xanga - I believe we may be kindred spirits.
- 7/15/2009 12:29 AM
- yourblondeness@xanga (message)
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I'm not a huge movie buff, let alone blockbuster movies, so I'm of little help when it comes to this topic. I can, however humbly,...

...nominate a best---and possibly worst---sex scene: Shoot 'Em Up. Priceless.
I'm a huge fan of this movie, because I hate action movies that take themselves too seriously. And this one definately does not. This sex scene is second only to:

...Henry and June.
Which I nominate as best--ina serious way. Maybe it's my favorite movie, and maybe I just love the authors, but this sex scene is simply my favourite that comes to mind. [Besides Enemy At The Gates.]
- 7/15/2009 12:44 AM
- randompearls@xanga (message)
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