Hear ye, hear ye: we the people of Mancouch hereby list our grievances against the British pigs who terrorize our land with the foul stench of imperialism and tyranny! We have already declared war on such villains as the Lady Gaga, the Brothers Jonas, and the hideous two-faced she-bitch Hannah Montana/Miley Cyrus; now is the time to confront our old nemesis:
England! Grievances
1. On the issue of Brainwashing: We hereby demand that the puppet of corruption known as Robert Pattinson be immediately and forever removed from our land, sent instead to toil on an alpaca farm upon the foothills of Scotland. While his living conditions will not be of our determination, we suggest he be shorn of all his filthy, unwashed hair; kept in direct sunlight to correct his paleness; and given only enough bread, water, and sleep so as not to die.
2. On the issue of New England: We hereby declare that New England henceforth be called Freedomland. All of its cities, towns, and villages must henceforth change their names to something devoid of anything remotely Anglican (i.e. Cambridge = Harvardtown; New Hampshire = Little Massachusetts). Should New England fail to comply with these demands, immediate steps will be taken to physically remove her land from the continental United States, whereupon she will be pushed firmly in the direction of her namesake where she can become England's problem.3. On the issue of British Food: We hereby declare all British food banned from the United States. You're welcome. 
4. On the issue of British Spirits: ...if it's already here, we might as well drink it...
5. On the issue of Athletics: We hereby declare Soccer to replace Baseball as the national passtime, if only to piss off the British, who call it "football."
6. On the issue of Culture: Billy Elliot is henceforth banned from Broadway, along with anything written by Andrew Lloyd Weber, Tim Rice, or Elton John. While we're at it, anything by ABBA should probably go too. These are our demands. Should they be met with anything save extreme haste,
we will murder the cast of the Harry Potter movies. Happy Independence Day, Mancouch!Mancouch says: Ok yah, we've been going a bit crazy with the Mancouch wars lately... but come on, this one feels appropriate to Independence Day?
Comments (67)
well Americans are pretty much Britts who went on a long holiday anyway, took land from the native americans and practically wiped them out with smallpox. I think they should have an independance day from you looters and pillagers!
In case you haven't guessed, I too am British, but more importantly I am tarred with the same brush as you lot, Human.
i love how people get worked up about this. i'm pretty sure it's just for fun haha.
But....I'm British.
Although you referred to your nemesis as ENGLAND. Therefore I am okay. I am SCOTTISH.
HAH.
Thank you for making my day. 800 years of rape, theft and murder in my country as well as various abuses in yours owe us the chance to exploit their self-importance. Sinn Fein!
LOL
Yay for independence day!
@deathtoTHUNDERthighs@xanga: I can see protesting against the post, but could you at least have been more polite? I get the feeling half the post was a joke, anyways... *shrug*
Okay, so normally I'm proud of not being technically British - I'm half Polish, half Southern Irish. But I was born in England, have lived here all my life and have a British passport.
This post was hilarious! Although, I can't help but feel a little defensive over the country I call home... Besides, some of this was so darn ignorant & incorrect it's fantastic. God Bless America.DOWN WITH ROBERT PATTINSON :D
@angel_sister@xanga
@deathtoTHUNDERthighs@xanga
@chadwilly@xanga
@Viola_F@xanga
It's not ignorant, it's ironic! Please don't take it seriously.
Also, of COURSE I know ABBA's not British. What kind of silly American do you take me for? GOSH.
IM BRITISH AND IM PROUD.
fIRSTLY OUR ACCENT IS NOT OVER THE TOP LIKE AMERICAN HAVE TO EXCENTUATE EVERYTHING THEY SAY HOW ANNOYING.
iT ALSO ANNOYING HOW THEY KILL ALL THE CLASSIC SONG
BUT LIKE U SAID THE HARRY POTTER CAST SHOULD DIE THAT IS TRUE.
ON THE SUBJECT OF BRITISH FOOD- PISS OFF. sUNDAY DINNERS ARE FUCKING CLASSIC MATE AND I COOK EM RIGHT GOOD THEY ARE SUCH A BEAUT MEAL.!
You give the impression that you think ABBA was made up of Brits. I take it you are aware that Sweden is not part of the United Kingdom? You've heard of Sweden?
It is amusing, Old Bean, that you criticise another nation's food. This in a colony where half the weight of everybody west of Nantucket Island is made up of wobbling arse;
Pity your revolution went sour on you. Your patrician oligarchy one party state (divided into two wings of the same interest group) has made that wonderful revolutionary promise a sham.
Happy 14th July! Oh! That's the French!
:
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.
I was all for this until you threatened the harry potter cast.
Rupert Grint is my loveee. (:
Down with mancouch <\3
@chadwilly@xanga - It was supposed to be laughable.
Seriously guys, none of this was supposed to be taken seriously. :P
I love the british, I wish I had an accent.
@soflyyquotes_______303@xanga - You do have an accent. :o)
@Lovegrove@xanga - hahah, aw well, I guess I do have the american Long Island accent, where we go waaawter and awwwsomee. When I come back from Italy, those few days after it takes me so long to get rid of the italian accent.
But, neither are as cool or smooth as the british one. D;
I need to take a trip to London, asap. <33
Marmite out-OK! And what about prancing about the soccer fields as a preliminary to the main event of faking a nasty shin scrape? How is that a sport?
@tokyoexpressman@xanga - also, racial equality.
@soflyyquotes_______303@xanga - ha thats exactly what i was thinking
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FTW!
Except for Robert Pattinson. Why send him to an Alpaca farm when he could just... live with me... (or something)
Okay so those arent the coolest british people, BUT NO DONT HATE THE BRITISH!!!!!!
Bloody wankers.
Shove it.
Holy shit Xangers it was a JOKE.
Oh come on, being a Brit myself, are RPattz and the HP cast really all that bad? And the food over here is prett darn good, you just have to get the right chef, if you banned these things, well, you're missing out Mancouch! But can I pose a question to all the Americans? What's with the accent thing? We don't get it...
Great post though
xxx