Hear ye, hear ye: we the people of Mancouch hereby list our grievances against the British pigs who terrorize our land with the foul stench of imperialism and tyranny! We have already declared war on such villains as the Lady Gaga, the Brothers Jonas, and the hideous two-faced she-bitch Hannah Montana/Miley Cyrus; now is the time to confront our old nemesis:
England! Grievances
1. On the issue of Brainwashing: We hereby demand that the puppet of corruption known as Robert Pattinson be immediately and forever removed from our land, sent instead to toil on an alpaca farm upon the foothills of Scotland. While his living conditions will not be of our determination, we suggest he be shorn of all his filthy, unwashed hair; kept in direct sunlight to correct his paleness; and given only enough bread, water, and sleep so as not to die.
2. On the issue of New England: We hereby declare that New England henceforth be called Freedomland. All of its cities, towns, and villages must henceforth change their names to something devoid of anything remotely Anglican (i.e. Cambridge = Harvardtown; New Hampshire = Little Massachusetts). Should New England fail to comply with these demands, immediate steps will be taken to physically remove her land from the continental United States, whereupon she will be pushed firmly in the direction of her namesake where she can become England's problem.3. On the issue of British Food: We hereby declare all British food banned from the United States. You're welcome. 
4. On the issue of British Spirits: ...if it's already here, we might as well drink it...
5. On the issue of Athletics: We hereby declare Soccer to replace Baseball as the national passtime, if only to piss off the British, who call it "football."
6. On the issue of Culture: Billy Elliot is henceforth banned from Broadway, along with anything written by Andrew Lloyd Weber, Tim Rice, or Elton John. While we're at it, anything by ABBA should probably go too. These are our demands. Should they be met with anything save extreme haste,
we will murder the cast of the Harry Potter movies. Happy Independence Day, Mancouch!Mancouch says: Ok yah, we've been going a bit crazy with the Mancouch wars lately... but come on, this one feels appropriate to Independence Day?
Comments (67)
O_O
NO, NOT THE BRITISH!!
NOT ANDREW LLOYD WEBBER!!! I love the Phantom of the Opera.
Wow Emma Watson looks really pretty now. Daniel looks kinda odd, but oh well.
Lol... as a person of the United Kingdom... go ahead and rid us of the harry potter cast and robert pattinson..... however half of those things just sound like your a wee bit jealous. Agree'd on food however.
HA.
Happy 4th of July :)
I DO NOT SUPPORT THIS WAR ! THE BOY WHO LIVED<3
This is probably my favorite Mancouch post yet. Hilarious and perfect timing (:
hahahahah number four is perdy much amazing
We goin to war? Where do I sign?
"If I risk my neck for you, will I get a chance to kill Englishmen?"
imperialism and tyranny? Those terms fit USA much more better than Britain.
BUT THEY HAVE ACCENTS.
i love accents.
I love the British. They gave us ridiculously awesome music (Eric Clapton, Pink Floyd, The Beatles, The Rolling Stones, among other bands), James Bond, Aston Martin, Sir Alec Guinness, the English Premier League, Elizabeth Hurley, Guy Ritchie movies, and shepherd's pie.
Why Americans say they hate British food when in reality, their diet is pretty much comprised of the same basics as American comfort food (meat, potatoes, bread, cheese, fried food, casseroles, and beer) is beyond me. Just because they name it something funny doesn't make it any nastier than say meatloaf or macaroni and cheese or any of the other things we Yanks love to eat.
You Limeys need to fix the "drive on the left-hand side of the road," bit though. While you're at it, can you tell the Japanese the same thing?
YEY FOR BASHING EVERYTHING!!
Ahahaha :D I'm sorry but I love everything that's british, especially their accent :)
Hahahaha! Great blog. We're having a grand Independence Day in the UK, celebrating our freedom from you buggers! ;D
well, i beg to differ. i like the british :D. they are awesome.
way to go, mancouch, spreadin' the love and all. numb nuts.
Love the British. I am currently hanging out in London...and the Brits have been nothing but nice to me. And my thoroughly American butchering of the words "Gloucester" and "Leicester". haha
I am a proud Brit.
I'm a Eurasian with some British blood. So do you hate me now?
Racist pigs.
proud brit here. nothing wrong with us. just cos its independent's day it doesn't give u the right to trash another country.
no country deserves it. i'd like to see someone trashing urs for a change
Well done on confirming you are an American clown, this is funny, and YOUR food is disgusting!
I shouldnt be so proud of what you just wrote.
Most of it was so ignorant it is almost laughable.
but..but..what about monty python... benny hill... the bean...??? can we list them as Canadian instead ??
British food is waaaaaay better than American food! We'd much rather have a roast with Yorkshire puddings over you processed gloop fashioned into a 'beef burger'. That's not even food, it's mush.
As for football, your football is just our rugby but because all the players are pussys then they have to where ridiculous shoulder pads and stuff.
And ABBA are not English. Choke on your irritating whiney american accent, fool!