Thursday, 02 July 2009
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The Harry and Sally Predicament
Can men and women ever be just friends? Harry and Sally answered that question with a solid NO! and a screaming fake orgasm at a diner table.
But seriously, can we?
I mean, it's a bit ridiculous to assume that just because two people are of opposite sex that they HAVE to fall in love. That "hanging out" must mean dating and if a girl smiles at a guy that means she wants to f*ck him.
I've run into this predicament countless times.
Maybe I should start being mean, that seems to be the only way not to give guys the wrong idea.
Problem is, I'm nice. I get along with people well, I'm happy in social situations, and I tend to get along with guys way better than girls. In fact, I'm kinda scared of girls, what with their bitchy attitudes and long fingernails that some of them hope to scratch me with in a cat fight one day.
But I meet a guy somewhere, we talk, and then I mention my boyfriend and his eyes get big and he says, "I didn't know you had a boyfriend," in a very obviously annoyed tone. As if I'm gonna tell everyone I meet upon first glance, "Hey I have a boyfriend and if you're getting any ideas forget them." It's not like these guys took me out, i meet them in class, or theyre old childhood friends, or i meet them in the bar while my boyfriend is there, singing karaoke.
That reminds me of the time me and my lover were sitting across from each other at that very bar, with a group of people. Some guy, with really weird teeth, sat across from me and started talking to us. He introduced himself to my bf, then turned to me and said, very drunkenly, "Hi, I'm Bryan, I'll just call you boobs. Hi boobs!" and shook my hand. Obviously I was a little surprised and laughed...he had no idea the guy sitting next to him was my boyfriend. This guy proceeded to kiss my hand and that was it, we started laughing and as he left the table my bf kept teasing me about it.
Anyway, some of my guy friends even knew i had a bf and kept trying to get me to do things with them. Or saying things which implied they liked me. Does this mean I avoid males in general? The only ones who don't act like this are ones I avoid or my boyfriend's friends. This would be a great situation if I were single, but I'm not, and if talking to a guy is leading him on, maybe I should just say "I have AIDS" before it goes too far.
Mancouch says: It sounds like you are probably attractive and have a decent personality. If you were ugly and/or boring, you wouldn't have this problem. Congratulations?
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- From: dreaminlikethis@xanga
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Comments (23)
It's not that guys and girls can't be friends, it's just you have stupid guy friends. I have a few very platonic friendships with guys. Two of my best guy friends have never been attracted to me and I to them. The first one, I've known since 1st grade and the second one since my freshman year. I was his friends girlfriend at first...but then again that's probably why. My guy friends don't even try anymore and guys I meet stop early because they know I don't take crap, I can read you and I don't care for that shit. It's not about being nice or mean but sending your message across early...try not to be too blunt, but if that works for you then hey.
Mancouch says: It sounds like you are probably attractive and have a decent personality. If you were ugly and/or boring, you wouldn't have this problem. Congratulations?
TRUTH
SO MUCH OF IT
you could try having guy friends that are gay i guess....
I haven't had too much of a problem with having guy friends... until they get girlfriends... =S but with my one friend "S" he always come back, and we have remained friends for more than 2 years.
LOL I liked this post =)
I have at least 5 platonic relationships with girls right now. They're all good friends who I don't even think about hitting on, unless in a sarcastic teasing manner. Frankly, I just think the guys you hang out with are a little lame. If they know you have a bf and they're STILL trying to get with you, that just makes them a bad friend... more specifically, a douche.
I have a lot of guy pals and I don't have these kind of situations.
I've never had a problem keeping platonic relationships with women. It's the romantic relationships that quickly get complicated and are much more likely to fail, probably because with lots of emotions and hormones involved, there's a good chance of an eventual blowup. And not many people (men and women alike) have the maturity to handle those constructively.
I had the same problem in college. I've always just had guy friends because I get along better with them. And, to be honest, I think that to an extent all of my relationships with them started because I was attracted to them. But by the time I'd gotten close to them, I didn't want to ruin our friendship and I also didn't feel the same way. I know that sounds cliche, but it's true! Take Sean, for example. I love him and he has been one of my best friends forever! And I went through a time where I liked him and wanted to be with him. 5 years later, I found out that he felt the same way .. but now I'm married. I love my husband, but sometimes I wonder if things would have been different.. Point of the story is: In my situation, my relationships started out with attraction, but ended up being great friendships. But I have learned that I needed to be more careful because I did stomp on some feelings along the way. I was flirty without realizing it and wish I would have paid better attention. I think it's possible to just be friends, but both parties have to be on the same page.
Why can't girls and guys be friends? I actually prefer to hang out with the opposite sex - they have a honest and sensible perspective on things, and don't play so many games. Aren't friends what help us get through life... and ultimately, when you settle down, you're only going to have one partner. Most of the members of the opposite sex you meet will have to just be your friends. Why can't that be a normal thing? And if you're ever tempted, just think of the possibility of dating or messing around and how awkward that might make things. Some friendships are better off not being messed up.
It seems like it's easier to keep guy friends when I'm single, though. Which is weird because they're guys that wouldn't ask me out in a million years, so what difference should it make... it's not like my boyfriends have been intimidating or threatening. Sometimes it's worked the other way - they got more distant after they got a girlfriend. Usually I'm disappointed because I've heard about what a neat person their girlfriend is and I'm hoping I can be friends with her too, but then the girls are kind of standoffish with me and don't seem to want to talk. I'm not the type of girl who's a threat, and I'm pretty much always in a relationship myself already. But I don't understand why people can't just get along.
sounds like you just run into douchebags. a lot.
he says, "I didn't know you had a boyfriend," in a very obviously annoyed tone.
That's so true. The thing is they either try harder or set a distance.
Boys will be boys.
I used to think that guys and girls could be just friends.
but not anymore.
there's a fine line between admiration/appreciation and infatuation
My personal experience is that I have better luck being friends with women I'm not initially attracted to. If I'm attracted to a gal I've just met, and I admit to being attracted to her later on, then I get the cold shoulder every time I see her afterwards. If I'm not attracted to a gal initially and get along okay with her, then we tend to become friends if we spend any significant time around each other after the first meeting.
you are not alone on this unfortunately :\
i remember that my friend Ashley was going on a date with this guy Gino. i was playing wingman, as he was bringing his own wingman Mike along. the whole time, i was being myself (sarcastic, ditzy, and rather snarky ;D) to void off this creature of a friend Mike while my friend Ashley got intimate. and the next thing i know, Mike is trying to make eye contact with me and goes in to kiss me. (and since i was already talking to another guy at the time) i pulled away as quick as possible. i don't get it. i thought i was being the exact opposite of a lady =\
Men contrary to popular belief can be complicated as well. And playing into the stereotype tend to not be as mature about situations as they could. Not all guys are like this at all. I'm sorry you seem to be a magnet for those that are like this.
I guess it really depends. I have guy friends that I would never see as more than a friend in a million years while there were some who after developing some kind of bond with them I suddenly "saw in a different light". The thing is, it's really easy for a guy and a girl who are friends to get into "flirty friendship" mode especially when they're spending so much time together. I admit I am guilty of this, ha..ha..
They can, but it almost always has to go through the "I like you" phase before it can settle at friendship. I have a LOT of female friends, including two who I share absolutely everything with, but both of them were people I fell in love with at one point or another.
yes, it is possible, but because of the fact that eventually, people fall in love, we can't.
either way one of you is gonna start to like the other one. i'd say unless your ugly, but well, even that happens after a while.
good luck with that.
You avoid women for their bitchiness but not men for the same reasons? Maybe you don't like women because they haven't tried to get you to do things that you didn't want to? Just a thought and I'm probably wrong.
My best friend is a guy and I'm a girl, and we've been just friends since age 11. So yes, it can be done.
"Hey I have a boyfriend and if you're getting any ideas forget them." <--is usually my intro to weed out the douches anyway
Interesting. I know what you mean, it is hard...sometimes there's a mutual attraction though. Some of my best friends are females.