Tuesday, 30 June 2009

  • clubbing woes

    when a girl is eyeing you at a club, it's most likely due to one of five things: (1) she has a lazy eye.  (2) she's actually checking out the dude behind you.  (3) she's trying to pinpoint where she's seen you before, because you just have one of those "i fucking KNOW that guy" faces.  (4) she wants you to think she's interested so she can sucker you into buying her and her friends some drinks.  (5) she actually IS interested, and is inviting you over to chat her up and maybe dance.

     

    (Ed's note: get it?  They're holding clubs... clubbing... wokka wokka?)

    when a guy is eyeing you at a club, it's also likely due to one of five things: (1) he's so shitfaced he can't even stand straight, and just so happens to be facing in your direction.  (2) you're both wearing the same goddamn shirt.  (3) he's trying to pinpoint where he's seen you before, because you just have one of those "i fucking KNOW that guy" faces.  (4) you're dancing with his girl and he's just waiting until the bouncer passes by so he can pound your face in.  (5) he's gay.  and he likes what he sees.

    of course, if you're a chick then he's probably looking at you for entirely different reasons, or should i say, "reason," singular: (1) he's undressing you with his eyes, because he wants to sex you.  (2) he wants to buy you a drink get you drunk.  so he can sex you.  (3) he wants your number, so maybe later he can sex you.  (4) he wants to dry-hump....ERRRrrr....freak dance you, so he can get a better feel for what it's like to sex you.  (5) simply put, he really just wants to sex you.

    yeah, yeah...  most guys are douchebags and are just looking for an easy lay.  and guys at the club are always the sleaziest, right?  but c'mon ladies, we're not ALL like that!  in fact, although you seem to refuse to believe it, can't you just TRY entertaining the thought that perhaps there is actually a SIXth reason why some of us might look your way?  "and what's that?" you might ask.  it's quite simple, really.  i'm like you, i just came to dance. 

    the problem is, clubbing is not the same for me and you.  while it's perfectly acceptable for you to blissfully dance the night away with a circle of your girls, what do you think people would suppose if i did the same with my boys?  nothing good can come from a sausage fest.  and...  i mean, i'm always down to dance by myself.  i've been known to bust out the choreo routine i learned in my weekly hip hop class (yup, that crazy asian dude doing the omarion is me...), but the fun in that can only last so long...

    so girls, where does that leave a guy like me?  is it SO terrible that i want to dance with you?  is it SO terrible that i want to dance with your cute friend?  it's not like i sneak up from behind and start grinding my junk on you.  that's not my style.  and it's not like i'm trying to hit on you.  don't flatter yourself.  in truth, i don't want your number, i'm not going to buy you or your friend a drink, and i definitely don't want to take you home.  all i want is your company on the dance floor until this next song is over, and maybe for awhile longer if you dance well.  *note: licking your lips, running your fingers through your hair + down my chest, and giving me the "look-at-me!-i'm-eyefucking-you-don't-you-want-me-so-baddd" look is NOT dancing well.  sorry.  actually, that's not dancing at all.

    so when i politely tap you on the shoulder, and mouth "would you like to dance?" is it really necessary for you to give me the one-two head-to-toe check out, then completely unwarranted look of disgust?  is it really necessary for your designated cockblocker to rush over and herd you away all-the-while giving me the "pullleasee, not in your life-time" look, when a simple "no thanks" or "maybe next time" would suffice?

    i mean, i've long since learned not to take any of this personally, but i'd be lying if i didn't admit it's always a slight blow to my ego.  i've always thought i'm decent looking with disarming boyish charm.  well, i guess i thought wrong. 

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Comments (29)

  • mcmeister89

    I don't really go clubbing, the closest thing I've come to it is a frat party or two. From what I can tell, it's the same story and I know what you're talking about. My bro DJ's for a few bars and I always head to his shows to 1.) add one more person to the crowd, 2.) promote him to the people there and 3.) dance. I normally never go to his shows thinking of picking up a girl, but as you said, dancing alone is only cool for a guy for so long. So I ask a girl around me who seems to be decent if she wants to dance and I either get the /ignore or 3 girls ninja their way from across the room to surround her (even if she says yes).
  • suttone2@xanga

    If I've already seen that you can dance decently well and you don't look skeezy/sketch, I'm in for a song or two - more if you're good.  But please let me go when I want to leave.
  • RaquelHiggins005@xanga

    Oh that's wonderful! I'm pretty sure eventually my friend is going to start dragging to me clubs...or just very club like Rutgers Parties and boy do I wish the guys there have your view point. That's all I want  to do too and I will get my point across to the guy who tries to "I want to have sex with you" dance with me and make him follow my lead.
  • PiscesPhishie@xanga

    i like to go just dancing.
    girls can dance by themselves.
    and they can dance in groups.
    but it's always so much more fun to dance with guys.
    even if you're not gonna take them home.
    even if you don't want them to buy you drinks.
    the music, the beat of two bodies. sounds good to me.

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