Saturday, 27 June 2009
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Is it cheating or is he just confused?
Sometimes Mancouch gets requests for dating advice. We usually forward them on to Datingish, but we'll handle the occasional question when we feel we can offer a man's perspective.
(Ed's note: We googled "cheating" and found this awesome picture)I have been dating a guy for about 2 and half years, nearly three. He's about 7 years my senior. Beginning of the relationship, it was fantastic. He was always there for me, cared deeply about me. Let's not go into the details. He loved me and I loved him too.
After a year and a half or so, he began to really focus in his career and let's say I'm just dong my degree program. Although we loved each other, he decided to break up since he claimed it was not good for our future. So we had short break up and during that time, he got back together with his ex that had been waiting for him for 4/5 years. After a while I really missed him and went to see him. When he saw me, we quickly got back together. He also claimed he missed me and still loved me. I was upset for a while and thought I should just break it off but he denied saying he's trying to break up with his ex not causing much fuss since their parents know each other and they were actually about to marry 4 years ago. So I believed him.
I gave him his time but after say 3 months, I found bunch of message in his Facebook saying he is saving money to buy them a house and he missed her or would like to see her. She's living abroad. This time I got really upset and I was sure to break up for sure. I didn’t like the idea about how I was with him when ever I could, gave him my time and some other person gets the credit of being wife. Again, he said the same thing about their parents knowing each other. We had a long talk. He apologized and convinced me he loved me and I was important to him. He said he feels bad because she was waiting for him for 5 years now even though they broke up 3/4 years ago.
Anyway the real deal is, I found out he's going to marry this ex of his. They have been planning things together. I don't know why but every time I find this; it’s like real shock to me, maybe because his behavior towards me doesn't change when I’m around. He stills cares about little things. He's happy when I'm around and says he'd glad to be with me. Once I mentioned him about me going to the UK, he was upset and told me he'll wait.
So after I found out this again, I was sad and didn't want to see him. Just wanted to lose contact like without giving notice. But he kept calling and he was worried about me. He said he couldn’t sleep and wanted to report it to the police about me missing for days. Finally I gave up and decided to meet him to talk. I told about what I had discovered. He cried and said I don't understand the whole thing. He's not that kind of person who cries and he doesn’t seem to be the one who would like to string along girls for his own self, despite of having little time for himself. He said he loves me and wants to be with me. It's his families that are forcing to marry a girl that can handle family business. When I asked him if he wanted me to be with him until he got married, he said it’s not like that and I shouldn't worry about it too much since he doesn’t know what's going to happen in future
He still calls me to say he misses me and we have plan to go on vacation. He still claims I'm a good girlfriend and loves me. I kind of believe him, because he wouldn't just randomly state these but on the other hand their idea of marriage is really heating up. I do feel hurt and sad but with this situation I'm helpless.
Although I have made up my mind, I can't help but wonder is this guy manipulating me or is he just confused?
Mancouch says: he is not confused. He is completely playing you. Judge a man by his actions, not his words.
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- From: October_Lies@xanga
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Comments (44)
oooh another invalid excuse for cheating: confusion.
I think he really does have feelings for you (may those feelings be loving ones... or just lustful ones) , which is why he always comes back to you.
However, he's obviously not over that other girl, and I think his feelings for her are stronger than the feelings he might have for you. And yes...what he is doing with her is cheating on you.
Even if he was confused, it would still be cheating.
Oh, and you should reread your own words: He's marrying someone else, yet he still tells you he loves you. Think about it.
Both, I'd say. If he really didn't have feelings, he wouldn't be marrying her even if his family forced him to...unless his family is threatening him...
I say he's just a lying prick tryin' to get what he can before he ties the knot. Since he's getting married, whether he wants to or not, you should find someone else; someone better. Someone who won't lie to you about past relationships, try to hide current relationships, and try to manage two (or maybe more?) relationships at once. There are better people out there, and honestly, he's just making it worse for both of you, so I'd suggest cutting off contact before things get worse. I wish you the best of luck in whichever course of action you choose.
jeez.....some women are just plain dumb. YIKES!!!
a man should not have the option of two women. if he cant get it together...nevermind this is stupid. omg
@vashts6583@xanga - is ur name sposed to be vash the stampede...TRIGUN omg i love trigun...one of my fav. anime ...no my fav.
jus curious
I forgot this was the 1700s and parents actually had the ability to choose their kids' future spouses....
BOGUS. don't believe a word he says!
@queencleopatra702@xanga - Indeed it is. I've had it for... oh so many years. I'm actually going through and watching all of it right now. (as for the numbers, they're random and have no meaning, at least to me. :Þ)
@vashts6583@xanga - awesome! vash is so funny i love him great name
i agree with mancouch, he's just playing you. and he knows he's got you on a leash and will run back to him as soon as he needs you. if it was me and after i found out that he's marry his ex, i would never keep contact with him anymore.
*Judge
the guy is a manipulating, selfish, and scrotum-deficient coward;
again, Mancouch called it.
and you need to wake up and smell the dungheap that is your bf-
someone, YOU, have to grow balls in this relationship
Oh. and LOVE the picture
Since you mentioned that his families are forcing him to marry a girl that can handle family business, I presume that his family is relatively wealthy, and he's marrying that girl for the money. But deep inside, the one girl that he really loves is you.
Its obvious he's cheating. Leave.
he should man up, and NOT marry the other girl.
either way, he's cheating.
he shouldvé told you earlier, instead of hiding it.
he doesn't seem trustworthy, & the fact that he's HIDING things from you says it all.
end it, before it ends bad for both of you.
good luck xox (:
He doesn't give a shit about you. You are his booty call.
"Judge a man by his actions, not his words."
judge a person not only a man
drop him.
relationships shouldn't be complicated
either he wants to be with your or the other girl.\and like Mancouch said judge a man by his actions...
Mancouch is right... he IS playing you. And it sounds as if he's in no position to be marrying ANYone.
Mancouch is right! Actions speak MUCH louder than words. You're his booty call while she's away.
Of course I don't know the guy so I can't say for sure whether he's manipulative or just a COMPLETE dumbass, but either way you're better off finding someone else. If by some chance he's telling the truth and that he's really being forced to marry, sucks for him, but he should leave you out of this.
find someone much better than this guy.
I never trusted a single man who was wailing his eyes out. And I was right every single time too...
this guy is a lying, cheating, manipulative jerk. you have to stop fooling yourself because if you continue this, you'll miss out on the real thing.
Mancouch is right: Judge a man by his actions, not his words.
I find that guys use beautifully put words that has the power to calm and soothe a woman down making her believe every bit of their lies
You need to stay focus, cause you know whats going on yet you still choose to believe him
Cause you love him
But if you put all your feelings aside and think logicallly -I think you know what to do